An unlikely friend

I'm really nervous about writing this post because 1) I don't want to come across as a total asshat and 2) my memory sucks balls and I'm sure I won't get all the details right and 3) the most important thing, I don't want to offend or hurt any feelings.

Regardless, here goes anyways.

I must start with the background story for this all to make sense.

When I was around 23 or so I met a man named Michael who worked at the same place I did. It turned out we went to high school together, even though we didn't know each other. We were together for almost 4 years. I loved him so very much and he was a great man. But as many relationships go, we didn't last. I was hurt and angry and confused and just knew it must have been me. Something was flawed in me that made me not good enough. I didn't really have any relationships with any other men until I met Eric 2 years ago. Sure, I'd dated a few guys and had a good time but it just wasn't the same. Michael and I stayed friends even after we parted ways. When he'd come into town to visit family (he had moved 3 hours away a few years into our relationship) he almost always stopped by to visit. We'd call each other on special occasions (birthdays, holidays, etc) and always knew how the other was doing.

I guess I somehow thought that someday he'd come back. It was never discussed and I was never led to believe anything other than that we were friends. I think I was just desperate for a companion. Someone to share my life with and have fun with and to love. I missed that tremendously. It got really old really quick going to family functions and be literally the only person there without a partner. I knew in my heart that Michael and I weren't meant to be, but I loved him and I couldn't quite let go.

(Seriously, my stomach is doing flips right now because I'm so so nervous about this post.)

Aside here: I used to post all my blogs on My Space (I know lame) and I have been going through them all to find the exact dates that I wrote stuff and exactly what I said. I know, even more lame. I'm telling you, my memory sucks.

On December 22, 2005 I wrote a blog on My Space about Michael calling me. I knew he had a girlfriend and I had actually met her at a Blue October concert. I was nice enough when I met her, but I kept it short and sweet. I didn't have any negative feelings or really many thoughts about meeting her other than I think that was about the moment I started to move on. During the phone call he told me that his girlfriend had found me on My Space thought she and I should meet sometime. I, of course, thought that would be a little to weird. I promptly dismissed the idea. I had no intention of ever meeting her on purpose. Not because I had anything to hide, just because, honestly, it was too weird and strange for me.

On January 12, 2005 I wrote another blog about Michael's girlfriend. You see, I have belonged to the Blue October message board for probably ever, or at least it feels like it. Back when they were a small band with not a huge following I became friends (in real life and via the Internet) with many other fans. In fact, Michael introduced me to the band when we were together. Somehow I realized that one new member to the board was Michael's girlfriend. I was floored. She was everywhere! At the Blue concert, finding me on My Space and now on my message board. I wrote this ridiculous blog about how I was feeling. I just reread the blog and OH. MY. GOD. Can we say whiny crybaby? I'll spare you the horrible details, but just know I was a total whiny baby.

The very same day (or maybe a day later) she read the blog. I honestly didn't think she'd ever read it. I figured a few friends would read it, come to my defense, and make me feel all better.

Shortly after I wrote that horrendous blog she sent me a My Space message. I remember getting ready to open it and read it. I remember thinking, "I'm gonna get my ass chewed up one way and down another." and I would have totally deserved it. I seriously was acting like I was 13 all over again.

But ya know what? She did the total opposite of what I expected. She was gracious and actually THANKED me for helping to make Michael the person he is today. Now is the time where I tell you why this story is important. Michael's girlfriend? Who is now his wife? Her name is Jennie. If you read her blog (and you SO SHOULD!) you'll know who Michael is. And you might also know that she and I are friends.

After I posted the whiny bitch blog she and I went back and forth with My Space messages. I explained why I was being stupid and she accepted me. She accepted that he and I had a history and she actually told me that she was glad that he and I had so many memories and she would never take them away or replace them. I wish I could remember what I said to Jennie, but my memory fails me. I like to think that I apologized for being an ass, among other things.

After she and I talked, I realized that I was so happy for Michael. He had found someone that I thought was an amazing, loving woman. She was everything I could have hoped for him to have.
Jennie and I met for the first time a few weeks later to have dinner. I brought her some books and a cd to borrow. If I remember right, she gave me a necklace that she didn't wear. A woman after my own heart for sure! Dinner was a bit awkward, but pleasant. We shared stories and made our own memories. And it was awesome.

Since that first meeting, Jennie and I have gone on a road trip together to see Blue October in Austin. We've had many lunches and dinners together. She helped throw me a baby shower. I attended several of her and Mike's wedding events (although I couldn't make the actual wedding which I regret). We've watched movies and shared books with each other. We've become friends.

I didn't deserve to make a new friend. A wonderful friend at that. But Jennie's heart is so big and open that I didn't stand a chance that she would hate me. I am so thankful for writing those stupid, bitchy words on that blog back in 2005. It was a rocky start to what is now a wonderful friendship.

Jennie, I am so so grateful that Michael has you as his wife. I seriously could not have chosen anyone better. I'm lucky to call you a friend and I appreciate all the things you do and all the positive words and encouragement you provide me with. All who know you are better for it. I love you, darling and I hope you know this.