7.22.2008

Parenting is tough sometimes.

My oldest child, Derick, is 13 years old. In true teenager fashion he’s ready to make choices I’m not ready for him to make. Namely, to live with me or his dad.

Honestly I don’t have any issues with Derick moving in with his dad. I think Derick needs a constant male role model considering he’s never really had that. Derick needs to bond with his 3 younger brothers. He needs to have this time to help him on his journey to becoming that person he will be forever. I would never want to hold him back from any of these things.

Except that his dad is 9 hours away.

Derick is currently at his dad’s for the summer as he’s been doing for the past few years. He hops on a plane or his dad comes to get him within a few days of school letting out and he stays there until a few days before school starts again. I miss entire summers with the kid. And it sucks.
My ex husband says that he and his family are moving to the Dallas/Fort Worth area, about 20 minutes from me, in September. And he says that he and Derick talked and that Derick is just going to stay with them, start school, move to my neck of the woods, and continue to live with his dad. This all sounds fine and dandy except that I know my ex husband and this will be around the 734Th time he’s said he was going to move here and then didn’t. He is notorious for telling people what they want to hear just to please them and doing whatever he wants. It’s completely infuriating.

Derick and I talked on the phone earlier this afternoon and he wanted to talk to me about him staying there and I just couldn't talk right then about it. I can’t handle any more stress and I know that my impending conversation with Derick will only add to everything. He’s supposed to call me back very soon and I’m a nervous wreck to talk to him. My tummy is doing flips and I expect even more when I talk to him.

I’m ready for him to come home, I miss my video game playing, leaves dishes on the kitchen counter, hogs the tv, teenager. I’m afraid that Jackson won’t remember him if he continues to be gone for so long. What if they don’t move back here soon? What if Derick never lives with me again?

Surely I’m being irrational and over freaked out, but it’s a real possibility. Hell, I haven’t even had a chance to do anything for Derick’s 13Th birthday that was almost a month ago. He’s been a teenager for a month and I haven’t even seen him. He could have sprouted a mustache (that he swore he had a year ago) or grew 9 more inches. I have no idea.

Do I sound desperate enough? I guess that’s what happens when you have kiddos. You act all bat shit crazy out of love and concern.

Whatever the outcome is I hope that I make the right choice for everyone. Especially my 13 year old.

13 comments:

kristabella said...

I'm sorry sweetie! That has to be tough. My mom was lucky in that my dad lived close and he was such an ass we never wanted to live with him. I can only imagine how hard it is for you.

You'll do the right thing and in the end, your son will be better off for it, whatever it may be, and will grow into a wonderful man one day. With a mustache.

Raven said...

*HUG*

I would totally be crushed if the sprog wanted to live with his dad. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Just try to breathe and take a minute to think things through. It's perfectly SANE and rational to slow things down and make sure that you are doing what is right for everyone involved.

I'm here if you need me. You have all the ways to get in touch.

Sarah said...

I can imagine that is such a tough situaiton, I don't even have a child and I realize that your son's decision must be breaking your heart. I am sorry you have to go through this.

Elizabeth said...

You don't sound crazy at all - I would be having a total emotional breakdown if I was in your shoes.
Ugh. Hugs.

Missah said...

He's lived there for a year before and made it out ok. Maybe his dad is one of those people that you can only handle so much of and IF he stays he will be back home again just like last time.
I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you to make it much easier to deal with. But your a great parent and you essentially will make a great decision.

CARLY said...

I'm sorry! I hope that whatever happens turns out for the best for you and for Derick! Things always happen for a reason, so in the end, everything will work out! *hugs*

Elena said...

*hugs* I have a cousin who is going through the same thing with her teenage son. I totally understand how hard it is for you, and wish you all the best.

Would it be possible to talk him into moving back in with you until his dad actually DOES move to the area? Assuming you're right and he won't have moved by the time school starts. That would at least buy you some more time until you can be assured that he'll be more accessible to you, and would also keep him from having to start TWO new schools this year. I don't know...that would be my suggestion.

Regardless, kudos to you for being selfless enough to understand how important it is for him to have his father in his life, and to get to live with him.

XOXO

Jess said...

I'm sorry you're going through all this! I hope it all works out soon. I think the most important thing is that you have his best interest in mind, and it's genuine. I'm sure you'll be able to make the right decision.

jennyonthespot said...

Hey girl... what a hard spot to be in... You miss your "baby", but you love your "baby". What's a Mommy to do?

I have no wisdom to impart - I just want to send big hugs your way. When you wrote that you want to do the best for your son - that's what tugged at my heart the most. I wish the answer was clear... but maybe the answer will become clear. I just know that is sure sounds like you love your boy immensely and it sure stinks (for lack of a better word here) to have to put in such a spot.

Hugs and more hugs to you...

SLynnRo said...

I really cannot imagine dealing with that. At all. Also, especially after seeing you in person, I still cannot get over that you have a teenager.

La Petite Chic said...

I don't think you're being irrational at all. You're just a Momma who loves her son to pieces and I think all that you are feeling is completely normal.

Jason said...

I've been through this same kind of thing with my kids and their mom living far away, and their mom has dealt with the same thing. It is tough.

One of those harder parts of divorce, for sure.

Crazy Mama said...

I'm in tears. I dread the day that one of mine tells me that they want to live with their dad. I hope that he comes home soon and realizes that home is with you. Summers are fun with Dad but every day isn't so much. Hugs Mama. This sucks.