Friendships are tricky things, aren't they? Or are they? I'm confused and I don't know.

I have friends in my life that have come and gone. We served our purposes to each other and called it a day. Other friends have been around for years. Still other friends are still in the making. And I'm sure there are people out there that I will be friends with later in life, I just don't know it yet.

I had a small dinner planned with friends for my birthday this past weekend and I had a moment where I realized that some of my friends? Well, they suck.

Some friends didn't show when they said they were going to. Some of them said they would try and then I never heard from them. Two other friends didn't come because they didn't have any money and still didn't come when I offered to pay for them because I wanted them there. Still others still haven't even acknowledged my birthday. No phone call, no e-mail, not even a text. The later really kills me because one friend is one of my best friends, or so I thought.

This all leads me to question my friends and myself.

Am I a bad friend? Do I not give enough of myself to the ones I care about and in turn they don't give me anything back? Do I just pick friends that plain 'ol suck? Do I let myself be taken advantage of and don't even see it? Am I that miserable that my friends can't stand to even call me for a few minutes? Does this somehow relate to my incapacity to keep a normal relationship?

I know that life gets in the way sometimes and even the most well intentioned person forgets things and puts friends on a shelf from time to time, but this seems to be a revolving theme that I'm noticing.

I don't profess to be perfect. I forget birthday's too and I get lazy with the phone calls sometimes. Sometimes I even put all my friends on a shelf while I tend to life. But I think that overall I'm a good friend. I try to be there for the important moments and celebrate with my friends. I just don't get it.

I have no idea if this friends that bailed on me and forgot about me read this blog and frankly I hope they do. This should be taken as a wake up call. For them and for me.

I'm 31, it's high time I started figuring out who my real friends are.


Elizabeth said...

Birthday suckiness is the worst. I am so sorry that happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I am the same way. My friends disappoint me and I start looking at myself and wondering what I did wrong, why I am so bad at choosing people, what's my role in it?
Sometimes the nicest people get stepped on the most, and it's just because people are jerks. But it's not you, because clearly you are awesome.

Elena said...

I'm sowwy, honey! I almost called you, but by the time I actually had a few minutes to spare, it was after 10:30 and I didn't want to bug you that late. =(

Raven said...

Friendships are hard, period.

Personally I suck at the phone thing are they known callers that just didn't?


Sarah said...

This same thing happened to me. I invited roughly 15 people to my birthday this year and only 3 showed up...THREE. Some of those that didnt show actually said they would show up. Sometimes friends are dumb.

Juanita said...

I hope our friendship can get stronger with time. I know we don't always talk or get together but,I think we are at a point were we are heading in the same direction so I hope we can get closer and get to a better friendship!! Love you lots

Kristabella said...

Oh my god, honey, I'm going through the SAME thing right now. I planned a little birthday get together for tomorrow night and no one is coming. And really? I don't need to feel any more depressed. And it isn't like they should drop everything for me, but then again, they KNOW my birthday is coming up. And I free my schedule around their birthdays. I hate when it isn't reciprocated.

Maggie said...

I know how you're feeling... I'm at the same "crossroads" and I'm not sure what the next step is with some people whom I considered my closest friends.

Don't forget that I bus you and if you need me, you know where to find me.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry some of your closest friends disappointed you. I don't think you are a bad friend AT ALL. Maybe life got in the way, or maybe they just don't know that you care for them that way? I don't know?! But you are wonderful! Glad we are friends.