Friendships are tricky things, aren't they? Or are they? I'm confused and I don't know.
I have friends in my life that have come and gone. We served our purposes to each other and called it a day. Other friends have been around for years. Still other friends are still in the making. And I'm sure there are people out there that I will be friends with later in life, I just don't know it yet.
I had a small dinner planned with friends for my birthday this past weekend and I had a moment where I realized that some of my friends? Well, they suck.
Some friends didn't show when they said they were going to. Some of them said they would try and then I never heard from them. Two other friends didn't come because they didn't have any money and still didn't come when I offered to pay for them because I wanted them there. Still others still haven't even acknowledged my birthday. No phone call, no e-mail, not even a text. The later really kills me because one friend is one of my best friends, or so I thought.
This all leads me to question my friends and myself.
Am I a bad friend? Do I not give enough of myself to the ones I care about and in turn they don't give me anything back? Do I just pick friends that plain 'ol suck? Do I let myself be taken advantage of and don't even see it? Am I that miserable that my friends can't stand to even call me for a few minutes? Does this somehow relate to my incapacity to keep a normal relationship?
I know that life gets in the way sometimes and even the most well intentioned person forgets things and puts friends on a shelf from time to time, but this seems to be a revolving theme that I'm noticing.
I don't profess to be perfect. I forget birthday's too and I get lazy with the phone calls sometimes. Sometimes I even put all my friends on a shelf while I tend to life. But I think that overall I'm a good friend. I try to be there for the important moments and celebrate with my friends. I just don't get it.
I have no idea if this friends that bailed on me and forgot about me read this blog and frankly I hope they do. This should be taken as a wake up call. For them and for me.
I'm 31, it's high time I started figuring out who my real friends are.