12.14.2008

Family and friends and big changes.

When I was pregnant with Jackson I found a group of lovely women who were pregnant also, with their babies due around the same time. Over the last few years we've supported each other through deaths, births, love lost and found, new home purchases, job losses and recipe success'. We share the mundane and the mighty with each other. We share pictures and the stories of our lives. We mail each other cards and make the occasional phone call and sometimes even pay each other a visit. I've had the pleasure of meeting many of these women face to face and meeting their families and they've met mine. In just a few short weeks I hope to meet two more mommas from my mom's online group and I'm excited and nervous and hopeful that they will accept me and help to comfort me in my time of need. I'll be in Maryland for a few days and I never thought I'd ever be going there and I'll be needing all the support I can get.

You see, my teenager, Derick, has decided to move in with his dad. Since his dad lives over 1,000 miles away I'm completely heartbroken and will need all the support I can get. One of my few silver linings will be those mommas that I will get to meet while I'm far away from home. While I'm obsessing over the fact that I won't be able to turn the corner into the living room and see my oldest son lounging on the sofa wrapped in his ugly, but soft brown blanket that used to be his Great Grandpa's, I know that I can get a hug or two and a few laughs to carry me through.

I've had my son for the better part of his 13 years and I know there comes a time when a son needs his dad and vice versa, I just didn't think that time would come so soon. The need is there for a change and this change will be the best thing, I hope.

I have fears and worries and unnecessary scenarios that run through my head. I worry that my youngest son will forget his older brother. I worry that I'll never have both my boys at home, where they belong, together permanently and not just during a mandatory 2 week visit. I worry that my oldest son will never come home again for good. That he will choose his dad over me forever. See? Unnecessary worries. My head and heart are at war right now and I'm working on making them cooperate and make peace with each other. But man, it sure is tough.

I'm so fortunate to have the parents I do during this time. The support they've shown (and always have shown) carries me through the dark fog. The reason I'm able to take my son to his dad is because of the generosity of my mom and dad. If you ever need a set of caring, loving, generous parents I might consider loaning them out for a short time. They really are my rock. And I hope that in some small way that I am my oldest son's rock. I hope. Even if I am a distant rock.

14 comments:

Elena said...

*hugs* I have a cousin who is going through almost the exact same thing right now, though her ex-husband is a COMPLETE douche and manipulates the kid horribly.

I'm sure that it'll be good for Derick to have some more time with his dad, and will probably make him appreciate you more, too!

I'll keep my fingers crossed that he comes home for good soon.

XOXO

TUWABVB said...

I think this statement proves what a great mom you are and how lucky your son is to have you:

"I've had my son for the better part of his 13 years and I know there comes a time when a son needs his dad and vice versa, I just didn't think that time would come so soon. The need is there for a change and this change will be the best thing, I hope."

As long as he knows that he has the love of both parents, no matter where he is, he'll be fine. But I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can only imagine how hard it is. Remember though, that you gave him the confidence to make such a decision and to help carry him through this change as well.

DoodleBunz/DB Impressions said...

Much love Kristie....much love.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, Kristie, I can't imagine how hard that would be. I think you're a great mom and the fact that you are looking at this with such an open mind and trying to see the bright side and think first of what your son needs just proves that. But I know it still must be so hard.
I have NO doubt that you are always going to be your sons rock, there is no way you could not be.

Raven said...

Wow honey, I am amazed at the grace you are showing while going through this. I know what you are facing and how difficult it would be to do; I don't think that I could do it with near the composure that you are showing, however.

*HUG*

Your son will know that you are his rock, the best and longest lasting effects are the ones done by example and with a loving heart.

Kristabella said...

That has to be so hard. My dad always lived close, but I know I went through a time when he was the bees knees and I could care less about my mom. And I know that was hard for her. But we always come back. And he will too. He needs his AWESOME mom just as much as he needs his dad.

MommaMo said...

I admire your composure during this situation. It's not easy. It never will be. For you or for Derick. But given all of the pros and cons, the short term and the long term effects, it may be best for everybody. Derick knows he has a home with you, and he has a family with his dad. He could never be asked to choose one over the other, just which may be the best for whatever stage of life he's going through. We (Thomas, Sadie, and I) are here for you, no matter what you need. Much love!

Maggie said...

I am very proud of your strength, even if you don't feel completely strong, and your steadfast love for your child.

I can't imagine what you are having to do, but I know that he will forever love you for the incredible, loving, and often hilarious Mom that you are.

If you ever need me for anything, I'm only a busssss away. Stay strong, my dear, and lean on all of us wild women for support and encouragement.

LOVE!

La Petite Chic said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry. This must be such a tough time for you, but it sounds like you are being so strong about it.
On another note, you do know I live just 5 miles from the MD line, right? :) Maybe we can grab a bite to eat so that I can lend some moral support?

Jess said...

I'm sure that you are his rock, and that he appreciates being able to make this decision. Still, I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kristie, I continue to think of you and send TONS of cyber hugs!!!
~Sherri~

Sarah said...

Wow - you are an amazing woman, and a fantastic mom. I will be thinking about you and praying this works out the way it is supposed to. I can't imagine the range of emotions you're going through right now - hang in there!

Sarah said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine how heartbroken you must be. I'm sorry hon. If you need anything let me know okay?

Crazy Mama said...

Reading this makes me sad all over again for you. You are so strong to do this. You know if I were closer to there I'd be there in a heartbeat too. Hugs during this tough time. Enjoy the Mamas you will meet. I think I know who they'll be and they are fabulous.