A real blog this time. Maybe.

Have you noticed that I've been SUPER lazy with the blogging lately? Mostly it's pictures and some random words thrown in for good measure. Today I will attempt to write something at least worth your time.

I'm taking Jackson out of his expensive fancy preschool. Today is his last day and I swear when I dropped him off he knew it. He cried and cried and whimpered MOMMY over and over again to which my heart replied by breaking into 400 billion little pieces that it regularly does as a mother. Fascinating how the heart heals itself and moves forward.

When Jackson was little he actually came to work with and my family helped watch him while I prepared tax returns for clients. I took 15-20 minute breaks in between appointments to nurse him. I even had a select few clients that held Jackson while I worked. It was great. I could be with him all the time and my family could see him often.

When he got a little older I would take him to my mom's house in the morning and then he'd come with her to our office in the afternoon. Some days his other grandma kept him also. Again, it was perfect. We'd hangout most days and I always knew he was well taken care of.

As he got older and more mobile things got more interesting. No longer could we park him on the floor with a blanket and some toys. It was impossible to expect a mobile baby to sit still and not want to explore all the surroundings he was seeing for the first time in his little life. We needed a new option.

During this time I joined an online message board for cloth diapering mommas and found a lady, Debi, who made these awesome cart covers and I ordered one. We realized that we lived not far from each other and she offered to meet me instead of mailing the cart cover. We met for lunch, I met her kids and she met Jackson, she offered to watch him a few weeks later after I had gotten to know her better and well, it was perfect.

He loved going to her house. He cried when I dropped him off maybe a handful of times and then was just fine when she picked him up. He played and had a blast. Other than the first time I dropped him off, I never worried about him. I knew she was taking good care of him, just as good as her own kids.

A few months ago, for reasons beyond my control, Jackson stopped going to Debi's house. She had to get a job outside of the home and our schedules just didn't mesh well so that she could continue to watch Jackson. I was so bummed.

As the last few months have gone on I've seen Debi a few times and consider her a friend. She came to my birthday dinner and I came to her son's birthday party. We e-mail and chat on occasion. She missed Jackson and I'm sure he misses her.

I didn't look for a new daycare or babysitter for over a month when Debi stopped watching Jackson. I kept hoping she'd call me and tell me she hated her job and wanted him back. After a while I realized that I needed to find a place for him to go to. I picked a place close by that was an actual preschool with real teachers. It was impressive. Except that it didn't live up to my expectations.

To be blunt, the teacher was lazy. She seemed nice enough but I don't think she was well suited for a toddler room. Almost every time I saw her she was sitting down. And Jackson cried every time, except once, that I dropped him off. The real kicker was that I had to ask her to hold him when I left because if I didn't, he'd stand at the door crying his little eyes out and she'd sit in her chair and call his name over and over again until he gave up and finally went to her. There's that heart breaking again. It just wasn't a good fit for him or me.

So, last weekend I called Debi and practically begged her, told her I'd get a second mortgage on my house just to pay what she needed, I might even consider prostitution (not really, but it sounded good). I knew we had gotten a cheap deal when she watched him before and that the same price wasn't going to cut it this time. I also knew that what she charges would be a hellofa lot cheaper than a school that Jackson hates.

Starting next week Jackson and Debi will be "teacher" and "student" together again and I am SO HAPPY! We'll try preschool in a year or two when he's a bit older, I'll be wiser about meeting the teacher and making sure it's a good fit before I put him somewhere. It's been a good learning experience, but I'm so glad it's over and my baby won't break my heart every morning when I drop him off.

To be honest, it broke my heart to drop him off at school, too. But no longer. I am positively giddy that he's going back to where he started. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!