In two weeks and one day Derick is FINALLY coming home. If you recall, back in January, I sent my oldest son to live with his Dad. It sucked and I cried and driving away from him, leaving him behind over a thousand miles away, was total and utter crap. I hated it.
I haven't seen Derick, other than a few random pictures, in over 6 MONTHS. I missed over half a year of my son become more of a young man. I missed him getting braces and growing into yet another shoe size. Sure, I mailed him those new shoes and I saw a picture of those new, shiny braces but it's just not the same.
He's coming home for about 7 weeks and has decided to go back to his Dad's house which sucks. He's officially in high school and he will be officially 1 day into his 14Th year when he gets here. He'll also be officially that much closer to being a grown up and never talking to his mother again. It just sucks and I hate it.
I hate that he's so far. I could handle if he was 3 hours or even 5 hours away. But over 20 hours away, by car? Not so much. He loves it there, with his other family and I know why, I'm sure. They are more of a close knit family and he probably feels more included and they do different things there and I think he just feels like he fits in better. Boy, that's hard to admit that I think he prefers that family as opposed to this one, but I am pretty positive that's true.
I hate that he wants to go back but I want to make the most of our ever so short summer vacation. I have grand plans of going to Six Flags, going hiking, having picnics outside, playing in the inflatable pool in the backyard with Jackson and hopefully some other things. I intend on having Derick do his chores like he needs to do and be a part of this family as he always has been. This won't be that kind of vacation for him.
My biggest fear is that he will never come home and he will stay in the Maryland area for the rest of his life. He'll meet his future bride, have kids and it will be a huge deal to go visit him and my grand kids. I'm sure I'm being dramatic, but have I mentioned how much I hate that he's so far away? I HATE IT.
Supposedly his Dad and that family is moving this way in December but I've heard him say he was moving here for YEARS so I'm not holding my breath at all. I just hope he's become a man of his word, finally.
It's going to be bittersweet my Derick coming home to visit us. I'm going to try and not count the days down till he leaves me again and I will keep all my hate of him leaving again inside so I don't ruin his visit. But internally, I want him to want to stay and I know he doesn't want to and that's what I hate the most.
Derick, someday I imagine you will read this and I think it's important for you to know that I did not write this with dry eyes. I want what's best for you, even when I hate that it's not what I want. But that's just one facet of a parent's job, do what's best for your children and hope that they know someday how much you loved them to let them go, even when it hurts.