Tonight I'm having my family over for dinner. I NEVER DO THIS. I never invite people over for dinner, or drinks, or watching a movie or ANYTHING. Why you ask? Why do I make sure that people never are invited over? Why do I go out of my way to avoid people coming over?
The stress! It's so stupid, too. I stress that my yard isn't cut to the proper length. I stress that my porch, if you can even call it that, is not swept properly. I stress that my house smells strange for some reason that I cannot smell but that it might offend others. I stress that if I offer someone a drink that I won't have exactly what they want or that a glass will have spots. If I make a meal I stress that they won't like it or that they will be allergic or, OH MY GOD. You get it, right?
It's so stupid, I know. If I invite you over it means that I like you and you probably like me equally and therefore you probably aren't going to white glove the baseboard behind my toilet, BUT WHAT IF YOU DO?! I don't remember the last time I cleaned any of my baseboards.
When I throw parties (rarely) I spend too much money getting napkins that match my party plates and buying 42 different beverages so everyone can have plenty of choices. I scrub the kitchen floor till I'm blue in the face and I vacuum the cats (kidding, although that's a great idea). When people do arrive at my house I want them to have a good time and so then I stress that I need to entertain them. I need to keep the conversation flowing and the laughs abundant. Music! Or maybe no music, television instead, or perhaps me juggling rings of fire would entertain? Visions of the perfect hostess enter my mind and then there's me. The stress of it all!
What's funny is that when I go to a friend's house I could care less if it's messy. I don't care if I have to move a week's worth of laundry to sit down. If you haven't done the dishes in 4 days I probably won't blink an eye. If all you have is water to offer me I'm happy to drink it.
So why on earth am I so hard on myself when it comes to people visiting? I just really don't know and I need to stop stressing over it all and just invite people over, already. Most people won't care that I don't sweep the floor often enough and they probably won't care if there's a few dishes in the sink.
From this day on I will make an effort to invite people over and not stress about it till I have no fingernails left. It's just not something I need to worry over anymore. I'm done with the self induced stress. Over it!
So, you wanna come over?