Friendships

Friendships are tricky things, aren't they? Or are they? I'm confused and I don't know.

I have friends in my life that have come and gone. We served our purposes to each other and called it a day. Other friends have been around for years. Still other friends are still in the making. And I'm sure there are people out there that I will be friends with later in life, I just don't know it yet.

I had a small dinner planned with friends for my birthday this past weekend and I had a moment where I realized that some of my friends? Well, they suck.

Some friends didn't show when they said they were going to. Some of them said they would try and then I never heard from them. Two other friends didn't come because they didn't have any money and still didn't come when I offered to pay for them because I wanted them there. Still others still haven't even acknowledged my birthday. No phone call, no e-mail, not even a text. The later really kills me because one friend is one of my best friends, or so I thought.

This all leads me to question my friends and myself.

Am I a bad friend? Do I not give enough of myself to the ones I care about and in turn they don't give me anything back? Do I just pick friends that plain 'ol suck? Do I let myself be taken advantage of and don't even see it? Am I that miserable that my friends can't stand to even call me for a few minutes? Does this somehow relate to my incapacity to keep a normal relationship?

I know that life gets in the way sometimes and even the most well intentioned person forgets things and puts friends on a shelf from time to time, but this seems to be a revolving theme that I'm noticing.

I don't profess to be perfect. I forget birthday's too and I get lazy with the phone calls sometimes. Sometimes I even put all my friends on a shelf while I tend to life. But I think that overall I'm a good friend. I try to be there for the important moments and celebrate with my friends. I just don't get it.

I have no idea if this friends that bailed on me and forgot about me read this blog and frankly I hope they do. This should be taken as a wake up call. For them and for me.

I'm 31, it's high time I started figuring out who my real friends are.

Maybe I can get more naps in now.

One of the gifts I requested for my birthday was to have someone come into my home and clean it. Top to bottom. Left to right. Spick 'n span. I honestly didn't expect to get it as a gift, but I did and I'm positively giddy at the prospect. (Thank you Mom and Dad!)

Fortunately I know someone who has a cleaning lady and I've seen her work and I feel comfortable having her come into my home and making it all pretty.

It's humbling to realize that you need help. I could keep my house clean for an extended amount of time and I have before, but man, it's hard work. I'd have to spend an hour a day, everyday, just to maintain all the duties that having an entire house requires. It's not like I have a huge house, but I do have 3 cats a dog and live in an area where dust is always flying due to the new home construction.

Sure, when people come over, my house is usually clean and tidy, but don't open that one drawer in the kitchen. And please don't bring any white gloves to test for dust. Also, it's not necessary for you to inspect the kitchen floor too closely.

I realized recently that I never invite people over because I stress that my house isn't clean enough, or doesn't smell good enough or isn't dust free enough. And I'm the first to admit that I can be the world's worst house keeper.

Plus, I'd rather worry about making dinner for my kids or reading one of my new books or playing Wii fit with Derick.

Some things are just more important than scrubbing the bathtub.

Napping being one of those important things.

A year in review.

Today I turned 31 years old.

I remember when I was a mere teenager, talking to girlfriend's in high school, and none of us could even fathom being in our late 20's. We never talked about being in our 30's. It was such a stretch of the imagination to think that high relating to age, our age.

But here I am. All 31 years of life behind me.

But so many more waiting to be experienced and lived.

This past year has been filled with a few downs, some really rough ones. But also some wonderful ups, some really great ups. Collectively, this past year of my life has been one of my best years. Even with the icky downs and set backs.

Without further delay, a bullet style list and mostly in date order...

• I started my very own personal blog over on TypePad with the encouragement of Jennie.
• I braved my second attempt ever at Black Friday shopping. And failed miserably.
• October 29 I started Weight Watchers. To date I've lost around 40 lbs.
• Derick broke his arm and it took me 2 days to believe him that it really was broken.
• Jackson got his first haircut.
• I've perfected my cooking and have learned to really enjoy making things for my family. I'm still nervous about cooking for everyone else, though.
• Got a Chi flat iron and it changed my life. Ok, maybe not my life, but it sure changed my hair.
• I attempted to bake a birthday cake, twice. It was not pretty.
• I professed my love for spinach.
• I registered for BlogHer and actually attended. And had a blast. I look forward to attending again.
• We celebrated Jackson's first birthday. Kids. They grow so fast. Seriously, don't even blink, you might miss something.
• Took Derick to the emergency room and reached out to the Internet.
• I locked Jackson in the car for the first time. Hopefully the last.
• I saw the rings of Saturn. One of the top 10 amazing moments of my life to date.
• I became an Aunt for the first time to a sweet little man named Chase.
• I had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst and a tumor. Jackson started walking. I became a single momma again and I got a new tattoo.
• I joined a gym and have stuck with it on a fairly regular basis.
• I took 2 cooking classes by myself, not knowing anyone.
• My Grandpa Jack passed away.
• I decided to do a 30 day vegetarian challenge.
• I momentarily forgot how to drive. Then I made up for it.
• I had some major family unit help revamping my house.
• I embarked on a vegan diet.
• Darling Sadie was born and I fell in love.
• My tween became a teenager.
• My youngest kid started preschool.
• I saw my first meteor flying through the sky.
• I started to be the real, authentic me for the first time in my life.

I know there have been more events that I know I'm forgetting. Probably really important things that don't come to mind right now. And if you know me at all, you'd know that my memory is awful. But I really think this past year was a great year. I learned about myself, the world and life in general.

I have a lot to learn, but don't we all? Life is all about learning and changing and growing and being a better person. I hope that in some small way I've made strides to be a better person for my children, my family, my friends and myself.

My 31st year is sure to top my 30th year, I can feel it. Hard work, determination, love and a little luck will help me achieve this goal.

I do want to say thank you to my Mom. I don't express myself often and I think it's one my downfalls, but I want to tell you, Mom, that I am so glad that you are my mom. I really lucked out when mommas were being assigned because I got a good one. You are the best support system I could ever wish for and I strive to be the same for my children. Thank you for putting up with me for all these years and never ever giving up on me. There are days when you are the reason I choose to do the right thing, because I want you to be proud of me. Thank you for trying for so many years to even have me. I am lucky that those 3 days gave you to me. I love you Mom.

And in the words of my Dad (who, consequently is an awesome Dad and I totally lucked out there too...)

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me

I look like a monkey

And I act like one too!

See what I bought? And other news.

Look on the sidebar on the right. See what I bought? A shed! I know I am grownup when I get giddy about a new shed. You see I needed to make space to park another car in my garage. Another car, you ask? Why yes, another car. She's a beautiful 1979 Camaro Rally Sport and I promise to tell you all about her soon. Just know that I feel like the coolest girl in the world when I drive it and all the boys drool.

In other car news, my mom get a new car this Saturday. She's been so sweet to let everyone drive it around. If I was a single gal or didn't need more then 2 seats I'd run out and order one to be shipped all the way from Germany.

That's right! She got a Smart car! This isn't her actual car, nor is it her actual horse. Not that she as a horse. But this is exactly what her car looks like. Isn't it, um, cute? Like a roller skate on steroids. It looks super small, but it's actually quite roomy on the inside. When I get out from driving I'm amazed at how small it is when I have so much space inside. It's so much fun to see people stare and point and laugh. Have you see these in your neighborhood? Have you driven one? Ever even heard of one?

Tomorrow, Labor Day, I plan to help my dad put the rest of my shed together, finish cleaning out the garage and count down 48 more hours till I'm the ripe 'ol age of 31.

Happy Labor day!

Big boy school

Last week Jackson started his first day of preschool. Let me be clear, it's actually preschool, not daycare. Jackson's dad insisted on daycare. Fine with me because I'm not paying the almost $800 a month it costs.*

Today I dropped him off and the other kids were sitting down practicing Spanish. Now, I'm all for learning other languages, but does anyone really expect a bunch of 18-month-olds to start conversing in another language? Sure, sure I know, kids that age learn that stuff fast and now is the time to teach them. But I just hope that Jackson doesn't start referring to things in Spanish because his momma knows maybe 4 Spanish words and 3 of them aren't kid friendly.

The other thing about this particular preschool? They do fundraisers. As if they don't get enough money from the tuition. I was slightly shocked when I looked into Jackson's cubby (he has his own cubby!!) and saw a packet with information about raising funds for the school. Call me lazy or whatever, but I have an 18-month-old, do they honestly think I'll have time to fundraise? Let's be honest here for a moment. Even when Derick did fundraising in elementary school I was too lazy to do much other than tell Derick to hit the grandparents up.

Seriously though, I like his preschool. It's really close to my work, they have a curriculum that's age appropriate for each age, they let me use cloth diapers with Jackson and I'm allowed to bring him his lunch and snacks. Some other schools were really strange when I asked if I could bring Jackson's lunch and snacks. They would only let him eat what they made which consisted of frozen fried chicken nuggets, pizza, hamburgers, french fries and a vegetable and fruit thrown in for good measure. None of these, I'm sure, were as nutritious as what I can make at home. The teacher seems really nice and they have a great outdoor area to play in. I even get a daily report on exactly what he's been doing. It was so cute to see his first!! ever art project.

Oh boy, my babies are growing up and learning new things every day. Every day they get a little older and little closer to being independent. It's exciting and sad all rolled into one. Every day I love them a little more and want to make them be little kids a little longer.

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*I'm very fortunate that Jackson's paternal grandma and grandpa offered to pay for preschool. Otherwise I'd have to sell a kidney or a lung or crack.

Welcome home Degmeister.

My 13 year old is on the skinny side (NOT his mother's gene's) and I think as he's getting older he's starting to feel a little anxious about it. I didn't think it bothered him that much until today.

He went to get a smoothie at a local smoothie making store and got something called 'The Hulk'. He tells me what's in it, vanilla ice cream, some nut something or other and a weight gain protein powder.

Not five minutes after he tells me what's in the smoothie he turns to me and with a very serious face says...

"Mom? How long does it take for the weight gain stuff to start working?"

It nearly broke my heart to explain that it doesn't work quite like that. But after much talk about how he could gain weight the right way he decided to come work out with me tomorrow.

Man I'm glad he's home.

Story Time, part 3 : Remember the kids? The ones on the block?

You can see part 1 and part 2 here and here.

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One Christmas, many many years ago, when I was around age 11 or 12 I asked for a New Kids On The Block tape. (I'm not going to link to who they are, because if you don't know who they are then turn around and go back to the plant you came from.) Those boys were all the rage then and I was desperate for a tape so I could listen whenever I wanted to without waiting for the radio dj's to tell me it was time to hear The Right Stuff or Tonight or Hangin' Tough. There was no such thing as You Tube and I couldn't record live MTV back then. I must have asked a million times for this tape and my parents had to have known I was desperate for it.

I was so in love with NKOTB. Weren't most of the preteen and teenage girls in love with them? I'm sure I wasn't the only girl who tore out magazine pages and stapled and/or taped them up on my wall and even ceiling*?

I never did get to see them Boys in concert in person, but I remember my parents ordering a Pay Per View of a live concert. I gathered all my little girlfriends and we watched Joey with his smooth moves and Donnie with his baggy jeans tearing up the stage. I still have the VHS tape of that concert sitting with the rest of my ancient VHS tapes.

But back to that requested Christmas gift.

Christmas morning came around and as I opened presents I anxiously waited to get my tape that I'd requested. I knew it had to be in the pile of presents. It just had to be. And it was. I was so elated and couldn't wait to go in my room, shut the door and listen to it.

After we cleaned our wrapping paper mess and wished each other Merry Christmas I went away into my bedroom and popped my BRAND NEW! tape in my tape player. I remember laying in my bed listening to each song. It was like they were singing to me. Especially Joey, he was my favor tie. I could pick out his nasally, young kid voice in each song. I willed myself to cry because I knew that would make me a true fan. One that would stand the test of time. I would always be a loyal fan and I would ask for the NKOTB bed sheets and pillow cases because I was a real fan.

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I'm mildly embarrassed to admit that I made myself cry to a NKOTB tape. But I remembered this story just yesterday and I've never ever admitted it to anyone. Much less the entire INTERNET.

You see, my 31st birthday is quickly approaching and one of my oldest friends, Juanita (Hi, Juanita!), brought me an early birthday gift and I bet you can guess what it was. It was the NKOTB greatest hits CD. I nearly fell on the floor laughing when I opened the gift and it reminded me of being a crazy pre teen/teenager who was NKOTB's biggest fan. As I drove home from work yesterday I put my new CD in the CD player and started jammin' to these songs. I made sure that when I pulled up next to someone on the road that I turned it down a tad because I didn't want someone to hear me listening to NKOTB. I guess that's not the measure of a true fan is it?

But I've had fun listening to my CD and being surprised with myself that I remember most of the words and I can still recognize Joey's, sorry Joe's, voice in each song. Even Jackson likes my new CD. He'll be mortified when he gets older to know that he was totally car seat dancing to Hangin' Tough.

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* When I moved out of my parent's house at the age of 17 my brother and dad spent hours upon hours peeling tape off the walls and filling in holes from the staples. I hear they cursed me all the while.