Happy HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!

It's the time of year again. Time to dress up and beg for candy. This year will be especially fun for me because BOTH my boys are going to trick or treat, although I intend on confiscating most of the candy from both kids and replacing it with good stuff like raisins and a new! toothbrush! I know, I'll be the most hated mother in America.

Happy Halloween everyone, be safe, have fun and see you in November!

P.S. We pretend to eat the pumpkin guts every year and it never gets old. Oh and excuse my attire, I had been working out and well, you know.

3 weeks and a thank you

Thank you all for your kind words on my last post. It was a tough one to write in that it was hard to post a picture of my not so awesome belly. But you guys totally lifted me up and mad me feel like a million dollars. So, thank you.

I have 3 weeks off of work that started this past Monday. Normally I make a mental list of things I want to accomplish while enjoying my time off. Unfortunately I'm not going anywhere on my vacation so I need to fill up my time.

I'm complied a list of things I'd like to accomplish while getting paid not to be at work. SCORE!

• Workout at the very least every other day. (So far this is happening. I'm trying a new gym out for a week to see if I want to switch. I did a turbo kick class Monday night that I can still feel in the depths of my bones.)
• Transfer spices from ugly store containers to pretty glass containers that I got at IKEA earlier this week.
• Organize and purge the guest bedroom/office closet. (It's my dumping ground for all the random crap that I don't know what to do with. It's an awesome large closet which means it's stuffing potential is excellent.)
• Keep up with tracking every single penny I spend. (So far, so good. I am truly amazed that I've already spent over $250 in groceries and it's barely been two weeks since I started writing everything down.)
• Start writing down what I eat in a journal. (I have hit a plateau in weight loss and it's probably because I keep eating Swedish Fish (VEGAN!) at every chance I get.
• Organize all of Jackson's clothes. (The kid has more clothes than your average fashionista. Speaking of Fashionista, have you guys seen this show? It's annoying and I can't stop watching it.)
• Get a stupid lawn edger and edge my stupid yard, already. (My #1 dreaded chore.)
• Organize my clothes by color and type. (I used to have a super organized closet, then I get pregnant, then I lost a few pounds, then all hell broke loose. I have clothes in 3 closets and I need to edit and purge and see what is worth hanging onto.
• Keep up my running routine. (People! I started running! And I haven't died once!)
• Organize pantry.
• Take as many naps as humanly possible. (This should really be #1.)

Honest

I religiously read the Post Secret blog every Sunday and have for a long time. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I feel like I want to cry, sometimes I cringe and sometimes, rarely, do I nod and understand.

As women we are bombarded with images of body perfect models. Stick thin women who make us exam our own bodies, every inch, and wish we could look a certain way. I've wished for tanner skin, to lose 10 pounds, to lose 50 pounds, to have long straight hair, to have pretty knees, to have a tighter stomach, everything! It's hard when every time you flip open the newest issue of whatever magazine that showcases fashion and celebrities to not wish something was different about our bodies.

I've been ashamed of one particular area of my body for years. I cover it up on purpose, even when I've just showered. My most intimate moments are clouded with the panic that I need to cover my not so perfect part. I wish I could live just one day with this body part 'normal'. I've lost weight and it doesn't change. I've seriously considered how much it would cost to have it surgically fixed. But, recently, this all changed.

It must have been months ago this particular secret was revealed on Post Secret and it spoke to me like no other secret ever has. It changed my whole outlook and perception of my hated body part. I am forever changed and I am so grateful.

Thank you to the beautiful woman who took the time to reveal her secret to the world. You have enabled me to reveal my secret and I'm proud to show my badges of honor. They are my most prized scars.

It's not pretty and it's not anything to envy. But it's mine and I have two children that are my life that I owe these scars and sagging belly button to. I wouldn't trade this belly for the world. No sir.

Mom and Dad

I took my parents to get routine medical procedures done this morning. They are both in their 50's and that's about the time certain preventative things are done to ensure that a long, healthy life is in the future.

They were required to be put to sleep and my role was to help drive them home afterward. It hadn't occurred to me that I might be participating more than as just a chauffeur.

After they were both in recovery rooms I made my way back to sit with them and do whatever I needed to do. The doctor came in to speak to me and give me the good news of clean bills of health (Phew!) and to give me follow up instructions. He said it was a great idea that they both came in together and had someone to help them out. I casually said that it was their turn to be the kids and I was the temporary parent. He replied, just as casually, "Get used to it, it will happen again".

I get what he means. He must have been in his 50's himself and I bet he has aging parents he's cared for or knows someone who's care for an aging parent. My parents are young and healthy and I have no worries that I'll be caring for them long term anytime soon. But my first thought after the doctor said that to me was "Bring it".

My parents have taken such good care of me and my brother's. Whenever the time comes, many years from now, I'll be ready to do what I can to care for them. No matter what it is, I'm willing and ready to be that person who takes care of them and to be their advocate and their voice, just like they've done with me.

I'm honored to be the ones who's asked to help them. I consider it a privilege to be given such intimate access to their most vulnerable moments in life.They are my rock and I hope that I repay them the best way I can.

It's that time of year again.

It's October and around my household that means we are sucking wind, as my mom would say. (Mom, where on earth did that saying even come from? It doesn't make any sense.) Sucking wind, to us, means that all that money I diligently socked away in my savings account during the most recent highly profitable tax season is dwindling faster than stink on you-know-what.

Every year this happens. I float along in the months after tax season spending with wreckless abandon only to come dangerously close to having $9 in my checking account (this recently happened.) Then I'm forced to transfer money so that I can buy unimportant things like Twinkie pans. (I totally made vegan corn dogs with the pan and it was AWESOME.)

I have never been one to budget. I've tried, I swear. I make a list of the essentials like housing and fuel and electricity and I start out with a valiant effort but it always ends in a slow implosion. Strewn papers lie around with my awful penmanship. Numbers crossed out with newer numbers scribble beside it. Paper bits torn and crumbled and generally in a pile of chaos. Some efforts are followed through for a week or maybe two at the most and then I give up, accepting defeat.

Today is a new budget day. I have finally discovered what my problem is. Why I can't manage to stick to a budget. The reason I can't is because I really have no clue how much I spend on things. Sure I know exactly how much my house payment is and my monitored alarm system is the same each month. But, fuel? clothing? food? All variable. I used to give myself a budget of $150 on food a month, which made no sense because I knew I spent at least $300 a month. Now that I have an extra mouth to feed I'm positive that amount has gone up. Let's not even discuss the cost of food.

As a result of my epiphany I'm going to write down every single cent I spend including my $1.18 coffee that I get on the mornings I go to work. It's not much but I bet it adds up to more than I expect when this is all done. My plan is to do this for a month. I'm extremely nervous that I will look at my spending habits and realize that I've been wasting money with little regard to how it's affecting me and my family.

I'm aware that this tracking every expense for a month plan is nothing new. I certainly didn't invent it, nor do I take credit for it. But I do hope to take credit for getting myself in touch with my own financial destiny.

ETA: Just got an e-mail from Macy's. $.99 shipping ends today. GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH.

Internet, would you buy this dress?

Details are as follows:

Polyester/rayon/spandex
Machine washable
Imported
Boat neckline
Sleeveless
Removable synthetic patent belt at waist
Pleated below waist
On-seam pockets
Colorblocking at hem
Unlined
Hits at knee; approximate length from center back neckline: 39 inches

ETA: It's on sale for $77.40 at Macy's

My new obsession is 'bananas'. That doesn't mean that I'm obsessed with bananas.

Um, I'm sort of embarrassed to say that I am currently obsessed with The Rachel Zoe Project. Since I stumbled across it last Saturday I've watched 6 episodes and it's like I'm a deer and this show are the headlights that are barreling toward me at high speed. I just can't look away. No matter how hard I try.

Even thought I think Rachel could stand to gain 10 pounds (which I don't mind at all passing along to her) and I think Taylor reminds me of my cousin, Rachel, except a way bitchier version and I want to strap Rodger down and give him a proper haircut, I just love this show. As for Brad, I adore him and want to stick him in my pocket. I won't even really bring up the fact the Rachel has this awful habit of wearing furs that make her look like a Yetty.

The clothes! and shoes! and especially the jewelry!!!! Some of the dresses that Rachel thinks will 'shut it down' are so not my style and I think should be given away to the Goodwill. But there are other dresses that I covet and wish I was independently wealthy enough to afford them. Or even to just touch them.

Recently I've really been into fashion. Really I'm into looking at fashion and how people dress. One of my favorite shows is What Not To Wear and I'm certain I've seen every episode. I love seeing how ordinary people learn to dress well. As I get older I am realizing that fashion is more than just a cute pair of shoes or a nice jacket. It's a way to express yourself and show confidence. Dressing well (even on a budget) is important for self esteem and one's overall well being.

Sure, I wear t-shirts and ill fitting running shorts and old crappy tennis shoes when I don't have to be anywhere important. But when I go to work or meet a friend for dinner I take the extra time to make sure I look good even if it's only for me. It makes me feel good and that's what's important.

I think the excitement that you can see on Rachel Zoe's face when she sees a dress or accessory that she loves is what I get excited about. I have a closet full of clothes that I like for the most part and a few things that I love but I want to love every item I have with such enthusiasm as Rachel. Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with her show. Or it could be I just like the shoes.

Do you watch either show? Do you think they are brilliant or total crap? What's your new obsession?