Momma K

Change of web address

2009-10-22T11:25:00.001-05:00

Because I am computer and Internet challenged please add this URL to your feed readers...

My Grand Illusions

This one should work!

I'm moving....again

2009-10-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

I'm starting fresh with a new name, new location and new look. Come over and join me...

My Grand Illusions

From this day on I'll be posting over at my new blog. See ya over there!

It would appear that I did not strike it rich.

2009-10-20T10:06:00.003-05:00

CHAMPAGNE! We should have bought stock in champagne before we left.

So I gambled and lost it all. I didn't have a specific limit in mind that I wanted to stay below but the $22 that I ended up spending on gambling was just enough for me to have some fun without having to get a second mortgage or sell off a body part to pay back my debt.

The last night of our stay. We were a tad exhausted.

As for alcohol consumption, well, it's safe to say that I've never consumed so much alcohol in a 4 day time period. Champagne was the drink of choice with many tequila shots thrown in the mix. One of my favorite things is that almost every single bathroom had a place to set your drink down. I was highly impressed with cup holders and ledges in the bathrooms. It doesn't take much.

Turns out I like Bud Light.

There's much more to talk about and many more photos that'll come tomorrow. As for now I'm going to drink my super-large coffee and try to stay awake all while mourning the fact that I can't walk around anywhere I want while drinking from a large bottle of champagne.

Away I go...

2009-10-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving for Vegas today and I'm exceptionally excited. The last time I went I don't think I took full advantage of all that Vegas has to offer. I remember going to bed before 1 AM which I'm told is an absolute lame thing to do.

In an effort to get there earlier and spend more time with my friends I'm going to attempt to fly stand-by on the earlier flight. There's are supposedly 20 available seats so I should be golden. If not then I suppose I'll start pounding back drinks while at the airport.

Happy weekend everyone and if I don't ever post another blog it's because I won lots of money and I moved to Tahiti and got myself a hot cabana boy who feeds me grapes and massages my back on demand.

It's been one of those days...

2009-10-14T16:27:00.003-05:00

One of those days that when a client brings you a beer while you're at work you TAKE IT AND ARE GRATEFUL.

Anatomy of a bookcase

2009-10-12T12:01:00.000-05:00

When I read a magazine and there's a photo of someones bookcase I always try and see what books they have. I squint my eyes and really get the page close so I can make out the titles. I'm intrigued by other people's book collections and what little trinkets they keep on their bookcase, if any. A dream of mine is to have a library in my home. Seeing as how I have acquired such a collection of books I'd say I'm well on my way.

This weekend I organized my bookcase. I moved books around and arranged my little keepsakes in the place I thought they belonged and I wanted to share my bookcase, in photos, with you. I hope you will do a photo blog like this, too. I'd love to see what your collection is, large or small.

Here's my bookcase. It's solid oak that I got for a bargain at Costco of all places. The shelves are move able and it's simple enough that I think it goes with most decorating styles which is a good thing since I'm constantly re-doing my house.

On top of my bookcase is part of my Blenko glass collection. I have several other pieces but this bookcase is so tall that I can't fit the larger pieces. The silhouette "photo" is of my two boys and the likeness is so accurate. I have no idea how the woman did it what with Jackson being 1-year-old and not sitting still. The small sunflower inverted glass carving is a piece from Europe that my parents brought me. Those encyclopedias are from the 60's and they are engraved with my mother's maiden name. Her dad, my grandpa, used to sell encyclopedia's door-to-door.

More encyclopedia's! In front of them are Happy Birthday Candle Holders that were featured on Style Lushs blog. (I realize they are backward, it's my attempt to be clever.) I couldn't resist. The donkey, on the shelf below, is my own interpretation of my late great-grandma's collection of donkeys. She collected donkeys as long as I can remember and they aren't easy to find, trust me! When I saw this one in Houston a few months ago I knew I had to have it. It's a heavy cast iron donkey piggy bank. Love! When I was a kid I had a Crayola Crayon record player (that I still have!) and a set of Little Golden Book books that came with records. Somehow I managed to keep my records and books together, with the exception of one, and I proudly display these in my bookcase.

That green bowl thingy? Something few people would fall in love with. My grandma B picked it up at a garage sale in her hometown in Missouri. It's so strange and fun that I toted it back in my suitcase last summer. It hides bubbles so Jackson won't ask every 4 seconds to play bubbles.

A few of my childhood books reside here. The Children's World Atlas is torn to pieces and it has my crayon pictures all over the pages. The Secret Garden is the first "real" book I read as a young adult. There's also a skiiiiiny book about Cinderella that I used to love as a little girl. If there was a fire in my house one of the first things I'd grab are those little foam bunnies. My grandpa, who passed away June 08, used to do magic tricks when I was younger. Those bunnies represent him. See that book that's turned backward? The one on the top?

It's the book The Guide to Getting It On. You guys are super smart and I'm sure you can figure out what it's about. Honestly I haven't ever opened this book because I'm exceptionally single, but someday...

My books aren't just confined to a bookcase, they've spilled over into my entry way and many other places. My one and only Halloween decoration on this table is the cute little ghost pail. The bowl is from a neat little place in Cumberland, Maryland. It was handmade and signed by the artist. It holds rocks and shells from past adventures. The photo in the plastic sleeve is by a local artist in Carmel, California. It makes me happy to see that photo and remember my short, but exceptional trip, there.

Your turn!

The signs are there, finally

2009-10-09T08:05:00.000-05:00

Signs I've grown up:

At my local mall there are two stores across from each other, the Gap and Wet Seal. I used to roll my eyes at the obvious old people going into the Gap to buy their button up shirts, boring solid t-shirts, and sweaters while I was buying cool stuff such as things with glitter, sparkle, and shine with a touch of shimmer. These days I purposely walk past Wet Seal and into the Gap and I buy sweaters. And solid t-shirts. I'm slowly inching toward button up shirts now, too. I may have even purchased a pair of slacks while I was at it. Maybe.
I bought some books recently that I would never have bought ever, ever, ever. Unless required by some college class. You may recall that I'm part of a new blog, Style Lush, and I wanted to really put my best foot forward and since blogging is mostly about words I decided to start with these two books. I am actually reading them and I'm sort of proud of myself. Trying to remember grammar rules from high school and college is obviously not working for me. Hopefully these will.
I'm going on vacations. This may not sound like a very grown up thing to do but, trust me, it is. You see, in order to go on vacation, one must save money and not spend it on frivolous things like cute shoes or shiny earrings. I devised a plan to help me save money and so far it's working like a charm. When I get paid I put $5 - $10 each time into an envelope and that's my vacation money. I also have a savings account that earns interest but that's for real expenses like stupid house repairs and car maintenance. That small amount of money is so tiny that I don't even miss it and yet over time I have a small chunk of change to spend. Case in point : Next week I'm going to Vegas (YIPEE!) and now I've got a few bucks to spend on crappy souvenirs or whatever my heart desires and I won't even feel guilty about it.
Buying things in bulk. Oh lord. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd stare at my pantry items and think "Jeez, wouldn't it be economical and super duper smart of me to purchase my staple grocery items in bulk?". People, I BUY MY STAPLE GROCERY ITEMS IN BULK.
I get stressed when I can't balance my checkbook.
I decline shopping trips because I know my mortgage payment is coming up again. Every month this happens and won't cease for another 11 years, sadly.

Another sign I'm growing up? I'm moving my blog to another place with a new name and a new look and I'm sort of excited about it. Keep an eye out...I'll let you know!

A tutu

2009-10-07T08:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Jackson,

Please know that I posted this picture because 1) how cute are you? and 2) it's freaking hilarious. When you are a senior and it's time for me to submit a childhood photo of you for your yearbook I'm using this one. It's the obvious choice, don't you think?

Love,

Momma

Come visit, won't you?

2009-10-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

When I got the e-mail from Jennie about being a part of her new blog I was more than giddy. Thoughts of Sally Field yelling "You like me! You really like me!" flew through my head. It's all up from here, I've arrived in the cool crowd!

Please, add us to your feed reader, come often, comment and most of all have fun with it. We are all really excited to be a part of this new venture and can't wait to see what happens as we grow and grow.

Style Lush

The younger years

2009-10-04T08:47:00.002-05:00

When I think back to my formative years, mostly middle and high school, I am reminded of three boys. Those three boys didn't realize it at the time and probably don't realize it now but they formed part of me, the part that regards all men today. Those three boys taunted me, tormented me and generally made me feel like I wasn't deserving of positive attention. Kids can be brutal, as they say.

Josh* and his best friend Jeremy* used to make fun of me and my best friend all the time. We ran into them once at the mall, where all the kids hung out, and practically followed us around to taunt us. Getting on the elevator at the mall was the clearest memory. They made it a point to get on the elevator with us just to be horrible and awful to us. Our hair was stupid, our clothes weren't cool or expensive enough, we were just lame. It sucked because these two boys were in the "cool" crowd and we were below them. They made that last point very clear.

I never made it into the cool crowd, not even close. On the flip side, I don't think I ever went down to the "loser" crowd either but my foot was hovering over the loser line, for sure. I had a few friends that were cheerleaders, some of the geeky kids I called friends and for years I hung out with the guy everyone thought was the James Dean of the school (last I heard he was in prison). I never did fit in with any particular group, drifting around aimlessly. I was in choir which I really enjoyed but that, of course, made me lame to most. I never knew what I could do to make it up the ladder to be cool.

Josh died a few years ago, unexpectedly, and I was just heartbroken for his family. I see his dad on a regular basis because of my job and I always asked how he was doing. His dad and I talked about how mean his son was to me once and I felt a bit better when he told me this Josh was like that to everyone. It wasn't just me that he directed his awfulness at. I never told his dad that Josh was half of the reason I tell my oldest son, on a regular basis, to be nice to everyone all the time, no matter if they are in the cool crowd, the lame crowd or in between.

I actually have seen Jeremy around the area a few times. He's hard to miss, really. He's been in a wheelchair for most of his life. I realize that he probably was a very angry kid and took his aggressions and anger out on others but I don't give him a pass for the awfulness. Many people are dealt an awful set of cards and if they make the choice to be awful than they must accept the fact that people aren't as likely to give them the benefit of the doubt, not that I didn't try. I stopped trying when Jeremy would mow me over in the school hallways with his wheelchair and laugh. Of course I couldn't do anything because he would use the handicapped card. It was widely suspected that he could in fact walk but choose not to. I now doubt the validity of this because I've seen him in his chair.

I saw Jeremy just a few weeks ago. I know he's got a family and he's married. I hear he's still in the neighborhood we all grew up in and I also hear he's doing well. In a way I'm glad because I know he was angry, I would have been too. His carefree preteen and teen years were stolen from him. If I ever get a chance, or the nerve, I intend on telling him how he affected my growing up. He's the other half of the reason that I tell my oldest son to be kind to everyone, no matter what.

*Matt, the third of the boys, just friend requested me on Facebook**. He's got a family now, that looks to include daughters. I'd like a chance to tell him how to prevent his girls from having a negative self body image. Matt was highly interested in the fact that I had boobs at such a young age. It was 5Th or 6Th grade when he would run past me and pop my bra in the back. Once he also grabbed my breast and laughed hysterically as he ran away.

My mother used to point out that I would only wear exceptionally baggy clothes with barely any skin showing, never showing cleavage. I don't think I realized that the reason I dressed like that was a direct result of how Matt was to me. I was a kid with boobs and a bra and my friends were still 6 months to a year behind me and that's a lifetime in kid years. He made me feel ashamed and embarrassed and I just wanted to blend into the background and never be seen. There's a picture of my in high school that sums up my wardrobe back then. I had jeans on, a t-shirt and a man's long sleeve flannel shirt buttoned almost to the top. I remember this shirt so clearly because it was a mans size 2XL and I was maybe a size 8 back then. You can imagine how much excess fabric and shame I was carrying with me.

I get anxiety when I think about Jeremy, Josh and especially Matt. I see them in all the kids that make fun of Derick. I see them in the cocky kids at the mall. I see them walking home from school taunting others. I have had a hard time really getting past their mark they left on me. It's not easy even though it was so many many years ago.

I survived you, I'd say to them. Despite you I made it and I think I've done a good job. Because of you I'm teaching my children better. I'm teaching my boys to respect women and honor women and be respectful of women. I'm breaking the cycle with my boys.

Also, I'm letting you go, you three boys. You won't hover over my anymore with your issues. I won't let you cloud my view of people anymore. I'm moving on and leaving you behind, where you belong. I only hope that your children are taught better.

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*Not their real names. For you readers who know me and know these people please keep their names and details private, please.

**I denied his friend request.

The Blathering, Part 3 and the conclusion

2009-10-02T10:12:00.005-05:00

I hate when people who just got back from vacation talk about it all the time and force you to look at pictures. God, that's so annoying. I promise, this will be the last vacation post until Vegas (in TWO WEEKS). I've said before that I have the memory of a raisin or a tiny pebble or whatever other object that has no memory so I feel the need to document everything here so my feeble mind can look back someday and actually remember details like cities we went, food we ate and the people we met. The important stuff.

The last 3 days of this vacation were filled with even more awesome and excitement. Waking up in Carmel was a dream. It's just such a beautiful place, a place I absolutely cannot wait to go back to. I was a bit nervous, I can't lie because the only experience I'd had to associate Carmel to was this news program I saw about this crazy ass man who murdered his neighbors over a piece of land that was smaller than 4 feet. Thankfully as soon as I saw the Dr. Seuss shaped trees, felt the cold sand on my feet, saw the blue waters and heard the water crashing I was sold. Sign me up to move there and I'd die happy. Do you not just want to run, slo-mo, into that water?

We ate breakfast at a local, recommended place that pretty much was nothing to write home about and then walked around the main drag where Jennie and I found a clothing store that every woman should have access to. It was called Inago and I'll be damned if they don't have an Internet site. The dresses were the most beautiful, frothy things. I found a dress I fell in love with but it was $500. Don't get me wrong, I am the kind of person who would spend that much on a dress if I really and truly loved it but it was the wrong shape for my body and I knew it just by looking at it. But! Silver lining! I found the most heart-stopping necklace that makes me smile and beam. It was not $500, my bank thanks me, but it wasn't cheap. It's definitely a piece I'm proud to own and I have to stop myself from wearing it everyday. It's made from some type of golden brown oval faceted stones and has a fabric oval "patch" that's covered in rhinestones. I DIE. (Excuse my crazy hair, it's my ocean wind blown look apparently.)

After leaving Carmel we wound our way through a mountains to eat lunch on the water in San Francisco. Our parking meter time allowed only a short stop and we ended up at la mar, a beautiful Peruvian restaurant were I ordered the most fantastic mushroom risotto. I literally stopped this blog post to look up the place and I just sent them an e-mail asking for this recipe. Cross your appendages for me that I can get the recipe.

After lunch it was time to meet up with THE LADIES! I won't talk about how traffic sucked balls on the way to Elizabeth's house, but it did. Suck, that is. It was totally worth it, though. Have you seen the photos Elizabeth posts of her home? It's really that freaking adorable in person. All of us ladies talked about how we were going to hire Elizabeth to come decorate for us. The offer stands, by the way. The food was beautiful and the table setting was straight out of a Real Simple magazine.

Friday night we ate the most delicious dinner and I was so pleased that an effort was made to accommodate my veganism, it really made my heart melt. We drank lots of wine, broke furniture (not it!), laughed and just generally had an excellent evening. I wasn't nervous really to meet these ladies. I had met Elizabeth before and I knew she was lovely and I had Jennie there to hold my hand if I needed it. I was truly excited to meet these women from all over the country and share stories with them and hang out like old friends.

Saturday we all took in some downtown shopping or manis and pedis. I choose the shopping route and got a cute little dress at the Sugar Shack and a necklace at Cuffs Urban Apparel. Loading up on cheap-y jewelry at Forever 21 made the list also. All that shopping made for a hungry group of girls so we headed to Cafe Bernardo where I got a delicious peanut sauced pasta dish. (I just love peanut sauced pasta dishes.) As we walked in to the restaurant people stared at us ladies and our loud, giggling selves. They thought we were having a bachellorette party or college reunion. One lady I told how we actually met may have literally rolled her eyes and then kept on walking.

The late afternoon was another gab fest about all sorts of random life things that come up. It was a leisurely afternoon that I carved an hour out of for a nap. I like naps people, it's my thing. Boy did I need that nap too because I had no idea where Saturday night would take us. We had dinner plans at Zocalo where I got the fanciest tostadas I've ever seen and drank the yummiest blackberry margarita followed by drinks at Lounge on 20. The drink I got there was TO DIE FOR. The Bella Fragola was more like a summery beachy drink made from strawberry, basil and Gvori vodka. I drank two in less than 30 minutes and that is just not like me. The Lounge on 20 also had this refreshing cucumber water that I am intrigued to make myself. It can't be that hard, right?

Faces was the last stop of the night and it couldn't have been a better choice. Basically this place is a gay bar with multiple rooms, the country music room, hip-hop room and dance music room. There was a "lady" there who came into the dance music room while we were shaking our booties that put us all to shame. 6" tall with 4 inch heels, a dress cut up to there, the blondest wig and the perkiest "boobs" I'd seen in a long time. We may have scared "her" off with the crowding around and staring.

This is the part where I profess my ignorance. There was a bathroom that I found that had the male/female sign on the door and I was all "Oh! Aren't they progressive and pioneers, they don't care how uses the bathroom! Sacramento is so cool!" and not until many hours later did I realize that that bathroom was for the "lady" with the perky "boobs". I may have wanted to melt into the floor when I realized that. Moving on...

We ladies danced our asses off and by the end of the night we all looked like we'd taken 6 straight jazzercise classes. I knew approximately 1 song that was played and felt like a total loser but it was just so fun to dance and act like a kid again. Also, it didn't hurt that a lesbian totally hit on me. Uh huh. I suppose that's my next option is the male population keeps failing me. I digress.

I fell asleep content and happy that night and thanking my lucky stars that such an excellent group of women had come into my life even if only for a few days. I count this vacation as one of the best I've ever had. Thank you ladies for making me feel welcome and being kind and generous and awesome. Thank you, Jennie, for letting me come with you on your adventure and making it our adventure. I am so fortunate and grateful and I can't wait till we do it again next year ladies!

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The vacation ended with losing my car in the airport parking lot and wandering around for an hour with my arm raised in the air pushing the panic button on the clicker so we could locate the car, a long ass drive home and with Jennie reading me tweets to entertain me. I was grateful for the time I'd had away and grateful to come home to see my little man sleeping soundly. The awesomeness of coming home is excellent.

You can see all my Flickr photos here and our group photos here.

The Blathering, Part 2

2009-10-01T11:23:00.006-05:00

Thursday morning Jennie and I repacked our luggage, got our rental car and headed for the next leg of our trip, up Highway 1 toward Carmel. The moment I saw the ocean my heart did a loop-de-loop and I was so excited. For a girl who doesn't see the ocean in person very often it was just a beautiful sight to see, I was literally in awe. Also, over 32 years ago my mom and biological father drove the same highway when they lived in California. It was surreal to think of them seeing the same things I was seeing that many years ago.

On our drive we used my iPhone for directions as I always do when I need directions. But this was the first time that the map showed the ocean. We were that little blue dot moving across the screen RIGHT NEXT TO THE OCEAN. Watching the waves crash into the shore and seeing people surf was just too much for my excitement level. I even said hello and goodbye to the ocean as we were driving. Nerd!

Our first stop, not far from LA was in Santa Monica at a local cafe called Marmalade Cafe. We drank mimosas and made a toast for a fabulous trip thus far. I ordered the yummiest pancakes, banana/walnut goodness. They were up there with some of the best pancakes I've ever had and I hated that I just couldn't finish them all.

After brunch we walked right next door to a locally owned bookstore. I love a good bookstore more than many other things and this store did not disappoint. I made sure to grab a few books for Jackson. I realize I could have just waited till I got home and ordered them but I love the story of where I got them. Plus who doesn't love adding poundage to an already stuffed suitcase? Harry & Horsie is definitely a favorite of his now. We read it every night (this is a good and a bad thing, especially when you have memorized every word).

Believe it or not our next stop was at another book store. There was a sign on the road that said something about Santa Barbara being the most beautiful town on earth so it was just a given that we would have to stop and see this for ourselves. Our schedule was the opposite of a schedule so we had time to stop and do whatever we wanted. The Book Den was this musty smelling shop filled to the brim with a ton of used books. I covet having a library like that someday, with a ladder, too. The lady who was working there was a lovely woman full of stories and advice and made us feel very welcome. I bought another book for Jackson because I just couldn't resist, Shel Silverstein's A Light In The Attic. I distinctly remember laughing with Derick about some of the off-the-wall poems when he was a little kid.

We walked around Santa Barbara and picked up a quick snack in a small bakery. In the very back of the bakery was Arcobaleno Trade, a tiny little shop that sold fair trade items made all over the world. I gravitate toward items with a story to tell and couldn't resist picking up a necklace and a ring made from the Tagua nut. Both of which I've gotten compliments on! Santa Barbara was a lovely little town, from what I saw, but I'd say the most beautiful town was coming up.

Back in the car again we headed up the coast and I never dreamed I would see so many fields of avocados and grapes. Field after field after field of monoculture farming was in full force. Apparently the company Dole is king out there, from what I could tell, and they proudly touted this by having very large wood cutouts of people "working" in the field with their trusty dog by their side. I had gotten used to these cutout people until I saw a random cutout of a ladies head on the side of a very large hill surrounded by cutout flowers. I laughed till I cried because it was just. so. random. and. creepy. It was definitely a moment I'd hoped my camera would have been ready to snap a photo of.

One of the curious things about our drive was the weather. We were all over the map and I'm surprised Jennie and I didn't end up with some cold as punishment for the temperature change. A change of around 40 degrees was so drastic that I wasn't sure if I should wear my sweater or change into a tank top. The following day we started the day at 45 degrees and went all the way up to 103. California, you are a strange creature!

We finally arrived at out little B&B, The Green Lantern Inn, well after dark and got an awesome upgrade from a tiny room to a spacious room where we had our own beds, comfy beds! I highly recommend you stay at this B&B if you get a chance. We chucked our luggage (just like in LA) and headed out for dinner. Turns out Carmel is not a party place and they roll up the streets early. We managed to find a place to get dinner not far from our B&B. Merlo Bistro was the first place that looked like a great choice. We ended up sharing two half bottles of wine because originally I thought I would only be able to drink half of a half bottle because I just am not a wine person but it turns out that the wine was delicious and I would have bathed in it if I could have. We ordered another half bottle of wine and I asked the waiter if it would have been cheaper to order one regular size bottle and he rolled his eyes at me as if to say DUH! you stupid tourist. Whatevs, dude, just bring another half bottle!

After dinner I consumed the tastiest Long Island Iced Tea ever at a tiny little bar called Sade's where I became a tiny bit inebriated. I tell you this because it explains my next story about a mostly naked man. I'd like to point out that Jennie saw him first. He was wearing an itty bitty thong and walked outside for whatever reason (weather check? seeing if his wet pants were dry?) for mere seconds and then went back inside where we could still see him in his large front window. I really wanted to sneak across the street to his large window and snap a picture of him. FOR THE BLOG, people, not for my own sake. Such a giver I am, I know. Jennie wouldn't let me, which is probably for the best although I am still curious as to why he didn't realize his large window was see through. So people, if you go to Carmel, walk down the block were Sade's bar is and look for the mostly naked man standing in his house in front of his large window and tell him I said hi.

The naked man incident turned into walking into a reception of sorts. We weren't done drinking Carmel, and you need more bars for tourists! It was totally disconcerting to realize 1) that you've crashed a reception very loudly and 2) that you walked inside a building that was open to the outside because it had no roof. Inebriated. It's my only excuse.

Obviously we weren't going to find another place to get a drink at so it was time to get some sleep in preparation of the next day. But not until Jennie and I talked and cried a bit after swapping stories about our babies. It had been a long day of driving and exploring. The next morning I fell in love with California a little more.

The Blathering, Part 1 (Los Angeles)

2009-09-29T11:30:00.010-05:00

When I heard about the Blathering get together I knew I wanted to go and I thought it would be a great way to take a mini vacation for the weekend. Jennie asked if I'd like to take a longer vacation and explore California and I just couldn't say no to that. I would have been crazy to pass it up and I'm so glad I didn't.

We left my house at 5 AM after I'd had no sleep that night and drove the three hour drive to Austin where we flew from to get to LA. (It was cheaper to fly from Austin.) We must have driven for two hours before the sun even came up and I was uncustomarily chipper and excited despite the lack of sleep. Our adventure was just beginning and I was giddy at the prospect of the fun to be had. Our flight was actually not until 7 PM but we were hopeful that we'd make it on to the earlier 11 AM flight which, thankfully, we were able to do.

We arrived at LA and got a hot car that fit right into the LA scene. A Ford Focus. We were the envy of all those people. You could tell that the BMW owner's were all Whoa, those ladies are ON FIRE with their hotness and we were all Uh huh, you know we are.

Jennie picked a lovely hotel one block from Rodeo Drive called The Crescent Hotel. It was gorgeous and perfect for our short, less than 24 hour stay. We chucked our baggage into the room and headed out to explore this land of large boobs and excessive amounts of shops. We stopped for lunch at a place called The Farm and started our trip the way all trips should start. With Champagne. (This was a recurring trend on this vacation and I was all to happy to partake.)

After lunch the only logical place to stop next was Crumbs Bake Shop where we ordered two of the most beautiful cupcakes known to man. Unfortunately the peanut butter cup cupcake on the left was thrown in trash in favor of keeping our waistlines in check after we toted it around for days. I mourned it's passing for an appropriate amount of time.

Jennie and I walked around Rodeo Drive and I admired the pretty store fronts and I mentally shopped in all the expensive jewelry stores. Rodeo Drive was fancy, don't get me wrong, but I was surprised it wasn't more fancy. I suppose all the fancy camera work that I've seen over the years on TV had skewed my view a bit. It was a lovely place to be and I really enjoyed the architecture and how it varied from building to building, unlike most of Texas. I saw buildings that looked like they stepped right out of old world Switzerland that neighbored buildings that were ultra modern and stark white. I loved it.

We attempted to make our way via taxi to the Hollywood Walk of Fame but our cab driver failed to tell us it was a billion minutes away in the traffic so we hopped out mid way before we were forced to give him our worldly belongings to cover the fare. We stopped for drinks on our way back and then I forced Jennie to walk in Beverly Hills in the dark on a bike path that neighbored the main drag. I think she hated me for it because she thought we were going to get mugged and stolen but I had my karate chop arms at the ready. Obviously we made it just fine. But we were so exhausted from the getting up early and traveling that we totally took naps before dinner. How lame! We were in LA, napping! But it was so lovely, I would do it over again.

Back story...Jennie is in publishing and one of the authors she knows lives in LA and he graciously agreed to hang out with us and grab some dinner. His name is Keith Stern and he wrote a book titled "Queers in History" which is a totally fascinating encyclopedia of people who are gay, lesbian or bisexual. I read the book on the plane ride and I was so interested in this book. I was a total goof and asked him to sign my copy.

Keith drove us around pointing out people's homes and telling us interesting stories. We saw the home Michael Jackson died in and people, I was surprised to see that there was some sort of party going on. We also saw Tom Cruise's house and they must have had 15 garbage bins outside. He took us to dinner at a place called Ketchup where the whole place was lit in red lights and I got the largest portion of hummus I've ever seen in my life. It could have fed 6 people and then some. It was a lovely night filled with conversation, sight seeing and good food. Except this food. This was quite possibly the largest hamburger I've ever seen in the history of hamburgers. Also, see the red light the entire place was bathed in? It was disconcerting at first.

After dinner everyone obliged my desire to take in a trip to Millions of Milkshakes which I can now honestly say was a total tourist thing that I fell for and the milkshakes were excessively sweet and not worth the almost $5 I paid for mine. Live and learn!

Jennie got blisters on her feet and my feet were filthy and we went back to hotel exhausted and we both crashed within minutes. Our first day on vacation was a total hit. We had the LA experience in a small dose and it was the perfect amount of time. Little did I know that the best was yet to come...

The Blathering...

2009-09-28T09:44:00.006-05:00

As I was driving home last night I was mentally preparing this blog and I must have thought of a thousand ways to say that it was one of the best vacations I'd ever had. I mentally used words like Amazing, Spectacular, Exciting, Superdooperawesome and a ton of other words to accurately describe my time in California. In the end I settled on Incredible. I had such an incredible time from the moment we hit the road at 6 AM on Wednesday to the moment I walked through my front door last night after 10 PM.

I don't even know where to start to properly capture all of the awesomeness but I'm going to do my best, in a series of posts coming soon. For now I'm sorting through pictures (mostly of the food and drinks we consumed, it's an obsession apparently) and relishing in the new friends I made and counting down until next year. We are doing this EVERY YEAR, Right?

All you ladies are awesome, beautiful and just so damn cool. I am proud to say I danced at the gay bar with all of you and laughed with all of you and shared a few days with all of you. These memories are something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. It was just an amazing trip that I am so proud to have been a part of.

13 things you need to know

2009-09-23T05:00:00.000-05:00

For my Blathering ladies....there are a few things you must know about me. Things that hopefully will make you still like me.

First and foremost I am a vegan. I eat no animals or animal products (eggs, dairy, butter). I try to be highly respectful of other people's choices and I try to not be one of those vegans. Don't worry too much about what I'll eat, I manage pretty well.
I can eat an entire bag of Oreo's in a sitting. (Accidentally vegan! SCORE.)
I am a bit of a jewelry whore. I obsessively collect jewelry and admire other people's bling. The surest way to my heart is to wear shiny things! If I grab your hand or stare at your chest it probably means I'm just looking at your jewels. Do not karate chop me, please.
I am people watcher by nature. If you catch me staring at you please consider it a compliment and if you feel so inclined, please stare back.
I'm Italian and come from a VERY LOUD FAMILY. Therefore, you may need earplugs.
I say 'douche bag' A LOT and well, it offends some. Please disregard my foul mouth and know I'm not calling you a douche bag.
I keep saying I don't drink much, which is true. But this probably means I will drink excessively and be even more loud, if that's possible. Also, wine makes my face turn red.
I will profess my love for my iPhone and my children with similar fervor but please note, I love my children more, I promise.
If you leave a magazine around (especially a cooking magazine) I will likely pick it up and start reading it. (Elizabeth, you are warned. But I won't ask to borrow it because I probably wouldn't return it. Ha!)
I don't talk religion or politics as a general rule. Not because I don't want to discuss or even debate, but because I feel that I'm not knowledgeable on either topic well enough to hold a conversation that sounds very intelligent. Even though we may think totally differently on the right to choose or who our president is, I know we can get along because there are so many other things to talk about. Such as reality TV!
I don't do movie quotes. I have the memory of a small ant so they are basically lost on me. But I'll probably laugh anyways just so I don't feel left out.
I'm traveling with my dear, lovely friend Jennie. Her husband is my ex-boyfriend and really it's old news by now. I totally claim her as my friend and love her dearly and we know our relationship was odd at first but I'd say we're over it. You'd have to be over the awkwardness of it all to sleep in the same bed on a road trip, right? You can read more about this here or here.
Lastly, I've been a mother for nearly half my life. My oldest son is 14 and my youngest son is 2.5. I LOVE MY BOYS TO NO END. Please ask me about them, I will talk all night if you let me.

I can't wait to meet you ladies and get to talking about all sorts of things! Also, I'm super bummed some of you can't make it like Danielle and Raven. Can I bring you on a stick?!

It's the simple things

2009-09-22T11:05:00.002-05:00

I really don't like cold weather. I would rather be sweltering hot and dripping wet from all the sweat. I loathe cold weather that much. But there is something to be said about the cooler weather that comes right before the bitter-ass cold. The simple things are the best things, most of the time. Here's my list of things that are making me happy about the cooler weather (inspired by Jess).

The ability to drive with the windows down and the music turned up and not frying is always a bonus. One of my favorite things in the world is to do just that. It makes me happy to jam out and drive my little red sports car. I'll never be a mini van kinda girl.
A dear friend, Abbie, made me a lovely scarf for my birthday and I just can't wait to wear it. It's hanging in my coat closet just waiting to be worn. Not much longer, scarf, not much longer.
Hot coffee. I drink way more coffee during the cooler months than I do during the summer. Hot tea, also!
Comfortable sweat pants. I wouldn't dare wear sweat pants outdoors (unless I'm working out) but I simply adore coming home from work and slipping on a pair of loose, comfortable sweat pants. I kind of hate wearing shorts to bed in the summer and I look forward to sleeping in my ugly, grey sweatpants.
Jackets. A good jacket can mask a multitude of body flaws in addition to being warm and stylish. I recently got a new jacket from the Gap (that I can't find online, sadly) that I just can't wait to wear.
It's always nice to be able to use the oven and relish in the heat radiating from it as opposed to cursing the fact that you have to turn the ac colder to offset the oven. Also, cookies!
New tv programs! FINALLY I think all of my shows I've been waiting for have started airing. I have every day of the week full with things I just have to watch. Thankfully I have a DVR with fast forward so I only waste half the time sitting on my arse watching TV.
Not having to have a cute pedicure is always a nice little break from my routine appearance checklist. Especially since I had my one big toe nail removed from an injury and it's taking freaking forever to grow back.
Not having to stress about swimsuits for a few months is a total bonus.
I love LOVE LOVE when I workout and get all sweaty and then go outside in the cold weather and instantly cool down. It's a highlight of my workout.
Snuggling on the sofa with Jackson and a "blankie". I have this blanket that used to be my Grandpa's and it's a billion year old fugly brown shag carpet looking thing that's falling apart and I love it. When I'm sick it's my go to item to snuggle with. I just washed it in preparation to snuggle on the sofa.

What are your simple things that you are looking forward to this fall?

Not that I need to buy anything

2009-09-17T12:30:00.011-05:00

I've been doing a lot of online shopping these days, probably because my lust for all things new far exceeds that of my budget. I find myself adding things to the online cart of different websites and then closing the browser window before I can whip out my credit card. I'm sure the credit card companies are cursing at me under their breath and my bank is probably hailing my praises. Such conflict! I do, however, have a few birthday gift cards burning a hole in my wallet. Also, fall weather is coming so it's only natural to need/want new things, right? Yes, that's what I thought.

First, I just love Francesca's online shop. I find that their actual stores are so jam packed with clothes that it's a turn off. Plus the dressing rooms are just so tiny. I do, however, love the online shop. Last time I ordered a few dresses online they all fit and I ended up keeping them all. Since I had such success I am now looking at the tops they have and I love this one. I am so obsessed with grey these days! This top looks like it would be simultaneously comfortable and cute at the same time. Plus, I love the built in necklace look. At $34 I'd say it's a steal.

I have grand illusions that belts make me look slimmer. It's probably a fashion fact, but I just don't know that I always know how to wear them properly. I love to wear clothes anf acessories that are loud and colorful and interesting. As I get more comfortable in my own skin I find I am more willing to put myself out there, style-wise. This belt is proof of that, I think. I love the 80's vibe it give and the silver buckle is so graphic. The sunny yellow would be a perfect foil for a grey shirt or just the right dress. I even have a multi colored floral blouse this would pair perfect with. The faux leather makes me swoon.

I got a $50 gift card to Anthropologie (my new favorite store EVER) and it's been itching to be used. I have no qualms spending $50 or more on a piece of jewelry that I love and I LOVE this necklace. It's quirky and fun and different. At $48 I consider it a cheap way to dress up any outfit. I know some of you will look at that and think OH MY GOODNESS that's the ugliest thing I've ever seen and I'd have to reply with something like SWEET! This means you won't be wearing it and I'll be the only one. I really do like the interesting, funny, odd, strange jewelry pieces, they make me smile.

Another non-leather score! These boots are so sweet, I cannot even stand it. I have no clue what I'd wear them with, but I just love the button detail and the slouchy look. If I could wear skinny jeans (haha) these would go perfectly. I'm on the fence about these because usually I have an idea what to wear something with. If you bought these what would you wear with them? Or maybe you hate them in which case I give you permission to skip this question.

More grey! I saw this dress on Target.com and it looks so adorable. The reviews were very positive as well. It seems to be made well and is a perfect transition dress from fall to winter. Target has gone up in style as of the last few years and I've found several pieces that I'm quite impressed with and the price is right. I think dress would be lovely with red pumps and black tights as shown here on the model. Perfect work attire.

Oh Etsy. I love you and your quirky crafty people that make gorgeous, funky necklaces just like this one. I am in love lately with long layered necklaces that dangle and swing and just look like a perfectly jumbled mess of beautifulness. This necklace fits the bill perfectly. I can imagine wearing this with simple earrings and a handful of bangle bracelets to complete an outfit. Why am I not independently wealthy? WHY?

Are you doing any online shopping lately? Tell me what online stores you frequent so I can pretend shop there, also.

A break from reality

2009-09-15T10:33:00.002-05:00

In one week and one day I'm getting up at the ass crack of dawn to prepare myself to fly to California to attend The Blathering. Boy do I need it, too. In between washing scads and scads of toddler underwear from potty training accidents and all this crazy rain we're having, I need a vacation.

Did you see the part above about potty training? No? Well then, let me say it another way. WE'RE POTTY TRAINING AND I MIGHT DIE. I had the Directv people over yesterday to install a new HD dish (the picture quality is quite impressive) and the husband/wife install team was quit amused about my little man running around in his Lightning McQueen skivvies. They were less impressed when he peed on the floor in the kitchen. Let's just say I'm glad I have very little carpet in my house right about now.

Back to vacay talk! I missed BlogHer this year, I just wasn't feeling it so The Blathering is a mini gathering of bloggers and I'm so looking forward to it. Jennie and I are leaving a few days early to take in LA, Carmel and San Francisco and see the lovely scenery along the way. I can't wait to see the beach and maybe walk in the sand for a bit, considering I never see the ocean. The rental car is squared away, the hotels are booked and all that's left is to pack our bags. Oh, and I suppose waiting for the CLOCK TO HURRY UP AND GET TO NEXT WEEK.

If you have suggestions for things to see or do or eat in LA, Carmel, San Francisco or Sacramento...please pass along whatcha got. We're open to anything and everything (except maybe illegal things, maybe.)

COME ON TIME...GET A MOVE ON!

One of the few regrets I have in life.

2009-09-10T11:26:00.002-05:00

I don't inherently believe in regrets. I think that regretting things is just a waste of time and a total downer. Sure, I wish I could make different choices, pay more attention to other's mistakes and learn from them but I don't worry myself to death about something that is already done, something I can't undo. I find regretting things such a time suck. But...there's always a but, isn't there?

When I was 12-years-old I went to visit my family in Missouri like I always did during the summer. I remember feeling like a small child even though I was working my way toward being a young adult but not feeling anywhere prepared for what that meant. I had little responsibility, as most 12-year-olds do. I had to keep my room clean, help around the house, babysit my little brother's on occasion and really that was about it. I'd say I was your typical preteen. I was vastly irresponsible when it came to many things because I was just young and well, 12.

That summer I was given a gift that I wish I could just give back at that moment and ask for it later. My mom had spent years amassing a large collection of charms for her charm bracelet. I remember it was a heavy piece of jewelry that had so many charms I don't even know that I looked at them all. I hadn't found my deep love for all things sparkly yet but I knew this was an important piece of my mom's history. My grandma (my dad's mother) had been keeping this bracelet for all those years waiting to give it to me. She was so proud to pass it along to me and told me stories about how my mom and dad (divorced when I was 6 weeks old) had spent summers at her house as teenagers and how my mom was like her daughter. This bracelet represented my mom and her young adult life. Each charm represented something important to her, stories I would give anything to hear now.

I'll never know those stories because I lost that bracelet. My memory is incredibly fuzzy about it all now, but I remember telling my grandma that I stuffed the bracelet into the sofa at her house. I don't know why I would have done something like that, but that was my story. She ripped that sofa apart and found nothing. I wish, more than anything, that I could go back and relive those days of that particular summer and make that bracelet appear. I wish I could have taken care of my mother's history properly.

My stomach becomes a little twisty ball of screaming nerves when I think of the charm bracelet. I could never replace it or make up for it, there too many stories that I could never replicate properly.

I wonder, sometimes, if there's someone out there who wears that bracelet. Maybe I dropped it on the plane on accident and someone found it? I wonder if that person appreciates all those stories they will never know. Perhaps they make up their own story for the previous owner of the charm bracelet. There could be a little girl who wears it on her too small wrist when she's playing dress up in her mom's closet. I hope that person, whoever they are, even though they will never know, loves that bracelet as much as my mom did. As much as I could have loved it.

I regret not holding on to that charm bracelet a little tighter. I regret not being able to get the stories behind those tiny charms. I regret letting my mom down. I wish I could call a do-over, I'd give almost anything.

Birthday weekend recap

2009-09-08T11:29:00.006-05:00

This past weekend was probably one of the best weekends I've had in a long long time. It was filled with friends, family, celebrations, cupcakes, drinks, dancing and everything in between. I've never had a birthday that lasted for 4 days so it was a real treat for me, one I won't soon forget.

Thursday was my actual birthday, the day I officially turned 32 and was told that I'm "fully committed to my 30's now". It was a very low key day, perfect really. When I dropped Jackson off at his sitter's house, who happens to also be a close friend of mine, I was surprised with the yummiest chocolate/mint vegan cupcakes. OMG, they were heaven. Debi outdid herself! You are allowed to eat cupcakes for breakfast on your birthday, right? Good, because I totally ate one for breakfast.

When I got to work there was a pretty flower arrangement sent to me from my parents that had actual brussel sprouts in the arrangement! Later in the day my dear friend Jennie met me for lunch with her son, Kyle at a local Thai place. We got a chance to catch up and I got to hold Kyle for a bit and make stupid high-pitched noises in his face like adults seem to do when they get around adorable babies.

Thursday evening Jackson and I shared another yummy cupcake and went for a walk in the "jungle" as he calls it. It's really just the greenbelt by our house. We picked flowers and talked about how snakes were in the tall grass and how we needed to stay away from the tall grass and leave the snakes alone. He sang we happy birthday 3 or 4 times and y'all, it was SO CUTE I ALMOST EXPLODED.

Friday was a debacle with my driver license renewal that I won't even get into. I'll just say that I stood in line for two hours for them to tell me that I couldn't renew my license and now I have to wait 7-10 days and drive with an expired license because someone dropped the biggest ball they could drop. Moving on...

Friday night I gave myself a manicure and pedicure, watched trashy TV and read magazines. It was my own celebration with myself and I knew I'd need to rest, being old and all, to prepare from Saturday night.

I woke up at the ungodly hour of 7:30am because I was SO EXCITED about the day ahead. I actually went for a jog to prepare for the calorie-laden day. It was nice to have some time with my running shoes, good music and get a bit of sun.

The afternoon was filled with some shopping to get an outfit, Taco Bell for lunch and helping a bit at Jennie's house for her housewarming party the next day, a little more shopping and then I headed home to get ready. It never takes me more than 30 minutes from start to finish to get ready except for certain times. It took me FOREVER to get ready but it was fun to take my time.

Dinner Saturday night was a blast. The service was slow but I'm told the food was good (somehow I ate hardly anything because I was too busy chugging drinks) and the company was even better. So many of my friends and my family came, and I honestly got a little choked up because I felt so loved and special that people took time out of their busy weekends to be with me and celebrate. I couldn't have asked for a better dinner.

After dinner some of us made our way to The Glass Cactus where we drank, danced and had a FABULOUS time. Thankfully my brother was my DD so I paid no attention to the vast amounts of drinks I inhaled.

I danced with a few cute men (who didn't ask for my number, WTF), grabbed a lot of boobs (male and female), sang some Def Leopard songs, made new friends and just had a blast.

Sunday I woke with a wicked hangover that only napping, water and cursing could cure. By about 2pm I was good as new and ready to party some more so I headed to Jennie and Mike's housewarming party. They have such a great house, really. I'm waiting for the house across the street from them to go up for sale and I'm totally moving. ;-)

Jackson was with his dad all weekend so Monday afternoon we met for lunch where we had cupcakes and he got to sing me happy birthday again. He was so excited to blow out the candles and eat his "cakes". We managed to get into some swimming at his dad's apartment pool and ate a late dinner together where we talked about who's birthday is coming up next. He seems to think it's his birthday, of course!

It was just a great weekend all around and other than wishing Derick was here, I wouldn't have changed a single thing. Thank you to all my friends and family, I am so blessed to have you all. Truly.

32 is the new 23

2009-09-03T13:20:00.003-05:00

Y'all, I'm 32 today. It's fantastic, really. I invite you to join if if you haven't made it yet.

Do you know the story of how I came to be? Not that sex part, but the rest of it? No? Well, let me fill you in on my history of before I was even a little tadpole growing all my body parts. Obviously this is a second hand story so I may have the details muddled, but I've heard the story enough times to know it by heart.

My mom and biological dad were married for five years and they had tried to have a child during those years. I would assume it was pretty frustrating and awful to want a child and not get one. But they tried and nothing happened.

After five years my bio dad (as he calls himself), gave my mom the boot saying he only loved her as a friend. So they seperated with the intention of getting divorced, moved away from each other and that was, as they say, that.

After a separation of several months (ish) they, AHEM, got back together for three days. Turns out the sparks where there for some things but not to reconcile the marriage. You can imagine my mother's surprise when she learned that she was pregnant with me not long after this encounter.

So you see, if were not for those three days back in 1977 I would not be here creating havoc and mayhem in the world. I'm pretty happy those three days exist and I'm pretty darn sure that my momma has enjoyed at least 85% of my time on this Earth. (We won't talk about the other 15%.)

So, happy birthday to me and thank you momma for putting up with me. Thank you to all of my lovely friends who've called, texted, Facebooked and Twittered today. I love you all.

Now, I need to get some hair color stuff because the gray is showing!

It's (almost) my birthday! It's Thursday! You are on notice.

2009-09-01T13:26:00.015-05:00

For me, as I've gotten older, I don't really get very many things on my wish list (bummer!) but sometimes I'm surprised with a gift I've wanted. Other times I'm surprised with something I never knew I needed. I mostly make my wish list of stuff in the hopes that someone will feel it necessary to make me happy but also so I can bookmark the things I find that I love.

Here are a few of those things:

I love the sparkly nature of this ring ($75) and also how industrial it is. It's like a shiny crystal ball that's been in a factory for years and now it wants to be worn on my finger. I know, that makes no sense but when do accessories have to make sense? They just have to be something that makes you happy.

I'm not a beige person and doubt I ever will be. The color of this chair ($69.95) and the bright, colorful cushion makes me happy and that's what it's all about right? I honestly have no earthly idea where I'd put this if I did get it. If I had a covered porch (want!) then it would be an awesome addition. Or even a cute chair to sit and apply makeup.

I'm no Julia Child or Rachel Ray or whoever but I love LOVE LOVE cooking and chopping and measuring and just generally being in the kitchen. This is the quintessential cutting board ($57.95) for a serious cook. I don't quite fall into that category but I'd love to pretend and have fun chopping while I do it.

When I went to BlogHer last year there happened to be a Lush store across from the hotel room and the first day I was there I picked up one of these CoalFace Cleanser bars ($10.95) and fell in love. It made my face feel clean and ready to take on the day despite the black color of the bar. Even better, the bar is vegan! Bonus!

I think the idea of this "diamond" ring ($260) is brilliant. It's in the iconic shape and you get what the idea is without the price tag. Or the man to buy it.

I'm clearly not easy to pigeon-hole. I want a sterling silver "diamond" ring and a composter ($189.99). Growing my own garden and cooking a lot at home means I have a lot of organic waste that I could be using instead of filling up the landfills with. Here's my solution!

Anthrolopogie is the best store on the face of the earth and yet I rarely go there because I know I'll spend $500 in mere minutes on the adorable clothes, accessories and interesting books. Let's not even talk about the housewares stuff. Gift cards ($1,000,000,000.00) are the way to go with this store.

$100 Food Experiment : And so it begins

2009-08-24T12:17:00.004-05:00

Spending just $100 on groceries for AN ENTIRE MONTH is...interesting. The first few days I just lived with the fact that when I opened the refrigerator door all I saw were tumbleweeds and a sad bag of limp carrots. Then I had a friend, her daughter, and her daughter's friend over for dinner. This means I would have to cook. With food. Also, the very next day I joined some lovely ladies for a cooking club sort of thing and I had to bring a dish. It also had to contain food. Que FREAK OUT.

After my mini panic I sat down, took stock of what food I did have and made my dinner menu for my guests from what was on hand. I choose burritos. Super easy, kid friendly and way easy to veganize. I had to buy tortillas, black beans (even though it turns out I had some already), limes and cilantro for the guacamole. I already had quinoa and salsa so I could make a high protein and fiber version of Mexican rice. My friend graciously bought the avocados, lettuce and chips.

As for my dinner the very next night I was responsible for the dessert so I choose to make chocolate mousse topped with strawberries. I had the silken tofu already (pantry staple) but I needed the strawberries and chocolate. Unfortunately the store only had the more expensive chocolate but I wasn't willing to go somewhere else to save a buck. Strawberries were on sale so I bought two tubs and kept one for us to eat. I told the ladies at dinner about what I was doing and the host of the dinner sent me home with a ton of fresh parsley and green onions that I've put to good use. I also brought home a serving of the main course she prepared (polenta topped with black beans and a tomato sauce, TASTY!!).

That one shopping trip cost $13.10 for food. That's actually quite a lot of money considering I barely got one meal out of the trip. But I now have extra cans of black beans, garlic (both that I've since put to use), red onion and we muched on those strawberries for two days.

Breakdown for $13.10:

Tortilla (whole wheat) 2.76
2 tubs of strawberries 3.76
Bakers chocolate squares 2.56
2 cans black beans 1.44
2 Limes .44
Garlic .32
Cilantro .38
Red Onion (they were more expensive than white but I prefer red) 1.44

Our next shopping trip was Sunday night. Sunday's are a great day to get in the weeks groceries. Unfortunately I didn't plan a menu or anything. I planned one meal and bought a few other things I knew we'd eat during the week. It was not as successful as it could have been. I ended up spending $43.35 in groceries.

It was an interesting shopping trip. I always buy organic spinach for salads but it was $5 for a tiny, insignificant tub so I got romaine instead. Not nearly as good for you, but better than iceberg, plus it was organic and half the price for twice as much. Lesson learned in that department. I did "splurge" and buy a few other organic items that cost more. I also needed canned beans for a bean salad that Derick requested. I intended on buying the Target brand canned beans until I read the label and they have High Fructose Syrup in them. WHY!? It's freaking beans, Target. Why do we need to add a sweetener to PLAIN BEANS?! I passed them up for a more expensive variety of organic beans with no sugar or salt added. I consider the extra expense an investment in mine and my kid's health.

We needed fruit so into the basket some went. I almost died on the spot when I saw how much I spent on cherries. $6.40. FOR CHERRIES. Literally, those cherries will last me 2-3 days max. They were even on sale! If I would have gotten the organic cherries that price would have doubled. I love cherries, though and I can only get the good, cheaper ones during the summer so I say whatever to that. I loved each and every one I ate last night.

As for veggies, I threw in some organic celery, a few Roma tomatoes and a big bag of organic carrots. I can make an entire meal from those things if I add some pasta or rice or quinoa.

Breakdown for $43.35

Cinnabon snack bar thingies (AKA why I never take my teenager shopping with me) 2.00
Special K bars (ditto above) 2.39
Organic Romaine lettuce 2.49
Organic ( I can't remember what this was for) .99
Organic celery 1.99
4 Roma Tomatoes 1.28
3 cans Vegetarian Baked beans (again for the teenager) 3.96
4 cans variety of Organic beans 5.24
Organic raspberries 2.49
Organic Carrots 3.99
1 lb strawberries 2.79
1 pint blueberries 2.79
2.57 lbs Cherries 6.40
Red onions 2.06
Organic Target brand soy milk 2.49

Total spent so far on both trips: $56.45

This leaves me $43.55 left to spend for the next 3 weeks. Here I am cheating again, though. Derick left to go back to his dad's house yesterday so I'll be feeding one less(insatiable) teenager so there's that. I have many a meal planned with beans, pasta and grains. I truly think I can do this. And I hope to do it well with different flavors and ingredients. I do not intend on eating boring, season less foods.

What we've eaten so far since this experiment started:

Breakfasts:

cereal with soy or rice milk
oatmeal, many different ways. I never buy premixed stuff, I like to make my own flavors
pancakes (homemade. I made a TON and froze a bunch)
fresh fruit*

Lunch's:

Lots of leftovers. That's usually what I eat for lunch is the leftovers from the previous days.
Fresh veggie "stir fry"
PB&J'S
Salads

Dinners:

bean soup with homemade cornbread
brown rice pasta with faux sausage, onions and butternut squash
bean salad composed of beans*, onion, parsley, celery*, salad dressing and frozen peas
burritos composed of tortillas*, quinoa Mexican rice, black beans*, guacamole*, and salsa
Yellow curry quinoa with fresh carrots*, cilantro, onions* and peas.

Desserts:

Fresh fruit
Leftover chocolate mousse

*if noted with the asterisk then it was purchased. Otherwise all ingredients I already had

The evolution of lunch

2009-08-24T11:58:00.002-05:00

Remember that garden I planted? It's fed me well over the summer. I had a bounty of squash, tomatoes and red Swiss chard. Here, as evidenced by the photos, is the evolution of my lunch Sunday. I was searching the kitchen for lunch Sunday and remembered that I had yet to taste my Swiss chard I planted. I grabbed my camera and headed outside.

It occurred to me that I had no idea how to harvest chard so I just pulled from the ground.

I cut the roots off, evicted the two small tiny spiders and cleaned it all up. Ready for eating!

I decided on a medley of fresh veggies. Squash (from a previous garden harvest), yellow bell pepper and onion topped with a leftover papaya tomato bruschetta sauce.

Ready to eat. 80% garden harvested, 100% tasty.

$100: A food experiment

2009-08-21T07:19:00.000-05:00

I have a confession. I spent entirely too much on food. It's a common myth that vegetarians and vegans spend more on food than non-vegetarians and vegans. Unfortunately I am doing nothing to show that this myth is false.

I don't need the faux meats or the fancy flours or the newest "vegan" labeled cookies. I just choose to buy them and it's getting a tad out of hand. I also love to cook so when I make a menu for the week I don't usually pay attention to the fact that I need 15 ingredients for each dish and none of them use the same ingredients.

A new kind of brown rice pasta (my new fav, by the way)? I must have it! Cherries are only $2.50 a pound? Who cares that I'm buying 7 pounds. I only have enough bread to last a month. I must buy more lest I run out! A new sauce I've never seen! I'll get one in every flavor! You can see how this would result in a larger than necessary grocery bill.

While I was out of town last week I had to stop by Trader Joe's to stock up. We aren't awesome enough to have a TJ's yet so it was a requirement that I stock up. When I got home and was unpacking my haul I realized I had no place to put my purchases. My pantry is stuffed with food. I could fee a family of 4 for 2 months, I'm sure. This is when my experiment was born.

For the next 30 days I will see if I can get by on only spending $100 (or $25 a week) on groceries. I realize I'm cheating a bit because I have a lot of staples already; pastas, rice, cereals, canned beans and other things I can utilize. But I figure I had that stuff before and I was still going out and spending an ungodly amount on food. The $100 will only include food and not things like cleaners or diapers or dog food other items I sometimes buy at the grocery store, just food for of the people variety.

I'll keep my receipts and detail out what I spend and post here. I'll also keep track of our meals for the next month and post those also. If nothing else, I can prove that it's not expensive to eat well (I hope). Also, the extra money can go toward my impending vacations.

If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.

Vacation recap and other stuff

2009-08-19T10:41:00.005-05:00

We're back from our vacation to St. Louis. I know, I know, I never even posted that we were going. Regardless, we're back and I'm sad that our visit was so short. Most of my close family lives in the St. Louis area. I was born not far from the gateway to the West. I have grandparents, cousins, aunt's, uncles, my biological dad, half sisters, a nephew and some other random assorted relatives in the area. You can imagine that we were SUPER busy with family activities. When I get to my grandma's house I breathe a sigh of relief because I feel like I've come to my second home.

We spent the week packing in as much as possible into our short little trip. We went to the St. Louis Zoo (it's free! and better than the Fort Worth Zoo), we floated on the Black River and I saw where my mom and biological dad jumped from rocks when they were just kids, we ate meals with family, took in downtown St. Charles (a fave spot of mine), went shopping at some local resale shops, got lost in the country, talked about family members that aren't with us anymore, laughed till we cried and generally had a grand time. It was an exhausting trip, in a good way, and I hated to board the plane to leave. I am counting the days till we go back. St. Louis and the surrounding areas are my home away from home and I highly recommend you visit. And when you do, please take me with you.

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My niece, Sadie, turned the ripe old age of one while we were away and we partied like rock stars with her. She got her own little cupcake to chow down on and OH BOY did she go to town. Poor thing had icing all up her nose, I'm sure of it. You could tell she was all WHERE HAVE THESE SWEET CREATIONS BEEN ALL MY LIFE!?!?! She's so close to walking and she jabbers all about her life if you let her. Jackson LOVES to crawl around on the floor with her and try to pick her up. I can't wait for her to get a substantial amount of hair so I can fancy her all up with cute bows. Happy birthday Sadie Mo Pie, we love you!

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I'm joining Weight Watchers again. I did so well the last two times losing the weight, I just have to maintain it. That's the hard part. This last week I blame eating with my Italian family (hello pasta!!) and eating out waaaaaay too much. Wish me luck, again.

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Derick goes back to his dad's house in 6 days. I cannot even begin to describe how much I want to put my foot down and make him stay. I'm trying to cram in as much as possible in the next 6 days without breaking the bank. We've had a lovely time and I'm not ready for it to end just yet.

Tax free weekend is this upcoming weekend. It's that time of year where I'll buy a whole new wardrobe for Derick. I expect that my paid off credit card won't know what to do with itself.

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Lastly, I have the best tan I've ever had.

Dating tips

2009-08-07T07:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Derick,

You are 14-years-old now and I think it's time I impart some momma wisdom for when you start dating. I hadn't thought you were old enough for such advice, and I still think of you as 10-year-old, but after you sat outside with THREE GIRLS talking last night, I figured now was a good time.

First and foremost, be nice to girls. It's true that nice guys sometimes finish last and the bad guys finish first. But the nice guys get the good girls and in the end that's the most important thing. Trust me.
Don't make crass jokes to your friends about a girl that you like. You might think you're being cool but really you're just cutting down the girl you like and that seems counter productive, don't you think?
Be honest. If you just aren't into a girl then, nicely, let her know. Don't waste her time and yours just to avoid hurting her. Sure, it'll hurt, but better a little hurt than a huge, gigantic one that should have been coming for weeks, months or even years.
Laugh with her. Laughter really is the best medicine. Don't be afraid to make stupid jokes and see goofy comedies and just have fun. Don't worry what others are thinking.
Really take care of your girl. I don't mean buy her loads of stuff or wait on her hand and foot, I just mean take care of her soul. Make her feel special and desired and cared for. Let her know that you really and truly are present and aware.
Participate in the things she's passionate about. You may not be passionate about Pampered Chef products or the newest Justin Timberlake album but you can still help cook with the new cookware and take her to see her celebrity crush in concert and smile while doing it.
Follow through. If you say you're going to call, then do. If you say you're going to show up at a certain time, don't be late. If you say you love her, really mean it.
Don't put up with crap. If your lady treats you poorly, find a new one. You deserve to be treated well and nothing less.
Be confidant and be yourself. You're a great person and you should be proud of who you are. Don't change for anyone except for yourself.
Don't settle. If she's not the girl for you, then she's not the girl for you. Don't be in a relationship that makes you unhappy when you could be single and happy. Find the girl that makes you want to be a better person.
Girls like boys who treat their families well. It's an indication of who you'll be as a family man based on how you are with your own family.
Have fun. Take this advice and use it, but don't dwell so much on the details that you get bogged down. If you aren't having fun, it's not worth it.

There you have it, son of mine. I hope you find an awesome chick who thinks your an awesome dude. You deserve only the best.

Love, your momma

On a lighter note; TELEVISION!

2009-08-03T16:30:00.004-05:00

Let's talk about television. Shows I'm watching, shows I'm waiting to start again, shows I can't get enough of and crappy shows that I can't stay away from. In no particular order:

The Next Food Network Star

The season finale was just yesterday and the person I wanted to win, did! I INHALE cooking shows of all kinds. Unless they feature live animals that have to be killed (I've seen many an Iron Chef show that I had to turn off).

The Rachel Zoe Project

Technically I'm not recording it right now because it's all re-runs but the new season is scheduled to start August 24 and believe you me, I've got that date entered into my calender to remind me to record it. Also, I wish Rachel would gain 10 pounds, I think she'd look WAY better. I've got some to spare!

What Not To Wear

I've seen almost every single episode and my love for Stacy and Clinton knows no bounds. I hear they've replaced Nick Arrojo which makes me extremely sad, I would have rather they replaced Carmindy. Not that I don't like Carmindy, I just, well, I'm ready for a new face of makeup.

Pushing Daisies

I love this show and can't wait to watch it this season. Oh wait, what's that you say? Bastards CANCELLED it?! I will never EVER get over this.

Ace of Cakes

I love Duff, what can I say? His laugh is infectious and MaryAlice is the bomb.

Real Housewives (especially NY)

I love a bit of drama that isn't mine and I just want to see what these rich people live like. I don't know why I've never watched the GA girls, probably because I saw a preview of some ridiculous fight and knew it was a bit too much drama for me. I follow Bethenny on twitter, I love her!

Get Fresh with Sara Snow

This is a cool chick. She has a whole show to eating well and treating the planet well and just being good to yourself and others. I stumbled across her show one day while recording various exercise shows.

Top Chef Masters

I told you I loved cooking shows. I love this one too, especially because I think it's awesome that some of these people were former judges. I'm SUPER excited about this weeks episode, they have to make an all vegan meal for Zooey Deschanel (love her!) and her friends. I only hope they don't make stupid cracks about steak and the like. I expecting an awesome show and maybe learn a thing or three along the way.

Antiques Roadshow

I've talked about my love of this show before and yes, I know it makes me totally nerdy and I'm cool with that. I hope to be on that show someday with some random object I picked up for $.50 and find out it's worth $400K. A girl can dream, right?

Whale Wars

These guys and gals are a bit crazy, but I commend them for sticking up for those who can't defend themselves. I wish they defended more animals like chickens and cows and other innocent animals. But then they wouldn't be in a cool, rickety boat, so there's that. Another thing I love about them? They eat only vegan meals on board. That makes my heart happy.

The Millionaire Matchmaker

I watch A LOT of Bravo shows it seems. I love Patti's no nonsense attitude. Although I do often wonder why she's not married to her long time boyfriend. I find that strange for someone who's job is to marry people off. P.S. I'm available!!

Project Runway

I cannot wait any long for this show to come back. Heidi and Tim are just my favorite. I'm more into the story lines than the fashion, but I do love drooling over or making fun of a designer's outfit.

Top Chef

ANOTHER cooking show, ANOTHER Bravo show. My cousin knows one of the contestants so that makes me more in the know, right? I only hope they don't have a meat butchering episode again. Vegan or not, that made me ill to watch.

Divine Design

Candice, if you read this, please come do my living room/kitchen! I don't live in Canada, but I can rent a snow machine and get some hockey players to come over and make you feel at home.

Ghost Whisperer

Oh JLH, you are totally cute and I want to be your BFF. Also, I've always thought you looked great, don't let those haters get you down.

Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood

I knew I'd hate this show when I watched it but it turns out that I LOVE it. Tori is so not like I expected. Call me what you will but I love this show.

Denise Richards: It's Complicated

Stars; they're just like us. Minus the permanent tan, the gorgeous hair and the gobs of money. Thank goodness I like Denise, she's just adorable.

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I know I'm missing some shows, I'm sure of it. Tell me what you are excited to watch or are watching now? What should I add to my DVR?

I'm irritating myself and I can't stop.

2009-07-29T10:40:00.003-05:00

I've posted a few times about my weight loss after having my youngest son, Jackson. I had been doing so well. Exercising 5-6 days a week on average, eating really well and it was showing, the pounds were coming right off. My skinny jeans fit again and I was contemplating buying the next size down to avoid saggy ass syndrome that was happening because I was getting skinner. I was doing all the right things and it was paying off and I was happy about it. Although, I wasn't happy enough because I'd catch a glimpse of myself and think "Hey, you still have 8 pounds to go to your goal, stop gloating" and then my self sabotage would make me all sad and depressed for a short amount of time but not so short that I didn't console myself with more food that I didn't need.

The weeks and months have gone by and I've been slowly gaining back some of the weight that I worked so hard to lose. I gained one pound in a week, then half a pound one week then four pounds and I just gave up and stopped caring. And then I injured my knee during a boot camp at my gym and was down for the count for several weeks. And then Derick came home and I wanted to spend more time with him. AND then I had a stupid toe nail removed and that? that shit HURTS. I couldn't wear regular lace up shoes for more than a week. If it wasn't one thing it was another, an endless list of "And Then".

So here I sit. I've gained 12 pounds in the last few months and I'm just feeling so stupid. How on earth did I let this happen? I was doing so well, I felt so good about how far I'd come and then I just stopped caring, stopped working hard, stopped taking care of myself. I let life get in the way, as it so often does and I have no one to blame but myself. I made excuses for myself, oh, it's only water weight, it's that time of the month, I'm only up 5 pounds I can lose that quickly, blah blah blah.

My skinny jeans now hang in my closet and my lose fitting work pants are pulling at the seams and I just want to cry. I know better. I KNOW BETTER. I take such pride in how well I treat my one and only body and then I go and fill it full of food it doesn't even need. It's not even "bad" foods for the most part, it's just too much of a good thing. I guess that really does exist, too much of a good thing.

Let me say that I eat fantastically well for breakfast and lunch. I go easy on the snacks and my dinner is usually something really healthy. It's after the sun goes down that I just can't help myself. I go back an forth between the sofa and the fridge. A bowl of cereal here, a piece of fruit there, maybe I'll have some dinner leftovers, it won't hurt to pop a bag of popcorn before bed. It's not because I'm even hungry. That's what kills me. I'm not even hungry for this stuff and yet I can't stop myself.

I know that I must be doing this to fill some void and I don't even want to admit what that void is. I know what it is, but I can't bring myself to say it. I'll just say that I put a brave face on for all to see but it sucks to spend the nights alone, watching recorded television shows with no one to laugh at them with. It's getting fucking old.

So I sit on my sofa and eat things I don't need to eat just because I can. And I gain 12 pounds and I wallow in self pity and it fucking sucks. I am so over this cycle I put myself through and I don't know how to get out of it once and for all.

It's been a fun summer

2009-07-27T11:25:00.002-05:00

I haven't been writing much lately, I know. I've been trying to pack in as much as possible with both my boys here with me this summer. We've done so much that I'm not even sure if I can remember it all.

We've done A LOT of swimming at the local pool and playing in the sprinkler in the backyard. Jackson loves to wear his "swimsoup" and Derick tans like crazy (jealous!). We've gone through almost an entire bottle of SPF 50 and both boys hate when I rub the sunscreen on their faces. Jackson loves to rub it on his belly, though.

We've discovered the local library after almost 4 years of living in the neighborhood. I have no idea why we didn't utilize it earlier. It's a tiny little library but it's got enough books, movies and Cd's that we will stay entertained for years to come. Across the street is a park so we go get books and then head over to swing for a bit. It's great because we get out of the house and get to do something for free and everyone likes to get new books. Derick read 7 books in two weeks!

I took Derick to Six Flags last week and we had a total blast. Other than one ride, we didn't have to wait in line at all hardly. The max wait was 20 minutes. My child made me ride The Titan THREE TIMES IN A ROW. After I started to black out each time I figured we'd had enough of that ride. I was so proud of Derick because he conquered his fear of roller coasters. He used to get so scared, so scared of even the small coasters. Dude took that fear, beat it up and came out on top and we had a total blast. We rode almost every single coaster in the park, many of them several times. I came out of it wearing a wicked sunburn, exhausted but exhilarated.

The boys have had a great time playing together. I worried that when Derick went to his dad's house that Jackson would forget his brother or be shy when he came back but it's been the opposite, thank goodness! Derick does a great job entertaining and babysitting Jackson so I can shower in peace or even pee alone (it's a novelty!). He sits with Jackson and watches kid cartoons and hardly makes fun of them at all. I just love seeing them together, making memories. Jackson loves to "creep" to Derick and scare him, he gets a fit of giggles when Derick turns the tables and scares him.

I've tried to ask Derick if he wants to stay home instead of going back to his dad's house and I get the feeling that he doesn't. I'm trying my best to not nag him about staying him but at the same time letting him know that he's wanted at home and that I'd love if he chose to stay here. I doubt it's working, but a mom can try, right?

We have plans to head to Austin for the weekend to visit one set of grandparents who live literally across the street from the lake. We also are flying to Missouri in a few weeks to spend about a week there visiting a ton of family, floating the river and hanging out. I'm trying to squeeze in even more stuff with my boys to make this a memorable summer for us all.

If you don't see me around these parts much, you know why! Happy summer everyone!

I'm escaping many times.

2009-07-20T12:17:00.003-05:00

I really enjoy vacations and getting away for a short time. When I get home from a vacation I know that appreciate my everyday life that much more. During my life I've had the opportunity to take some great vacations and visit some great locations but most of those were with family and I didn't really pay for them. I suppose it's time to grow up some and pay for my own way. That time is here which sucks, but I'm super excited to get away with some great people that I just adore.

This September I'm escaping to Sacramento. Last year I attended BlogHer and it was fun but it was a little too serious for my tastes. For me, personally, I don't care to learn how I can increase my blogging traffic. Making money is not in the cards for me in relation to blogging. I also would rather sitting around with a bunch of ladies talking about lame TV shows and painting my fingernails. Also I hear there's an HGTV drinking game. I'm in.

I'm super excited about go to CA, I have more than Sacramento on the agenda. I hope to get lost and then get found and discover new places and things and people. I'm researching vegan-friendly restaurants in the LA, Carmel, San Francisco and Sacramento area. If you know of any, please pass them along. I am pretty sure the beach is calling me name also. So, there's that.

In October I'm heading to Vegas with a few friends. The last time I went to Vegas it was so fun but I think it will be even more fun with lots of people, especially with some girls to people watch with me. The boys can waste the night away playing 21 and the girls can ogle the Louboutin shoes. I'm going to have to memorize "The Hangover" so I can quote it all during this trip.

The last vacation I have planned is a cruise in December with one of my oldest girlfriends. Oldest as in I've known her longer than any of my other friends. She single and I'm single and we're going to spend the days lounging on the beach and ogling the hot men. We'd love to have more people come so if you're interested please contact me, we'd love to have you! It's SUPER cheap and hello, you'll need a vacation by December, right?

Tell me, do you have any vacations planned?

It's my one year Veganversary

2009-07-15T11:13:00.004-05:00

One year and a few weeks ago I watched an episode of 30 Days that forever changed the way I eat, the way I view food and the way I live my life. That episode was the catapult to my choice of becoming a vegan for my health, the planet and for the animals. It's been a whirlwind year full of researching this lifestyle and I feel now, more than ever, that I made the right choice.

I've managed to convert two people to veganism and that just makes me so proud. I also think I have helped to reduce some people's dependency on animal products which I am equally proud of. I've had the opportunity to talk openly about my choice with, mostly, supportive people who may not understand my choice but are open to listening to why I live the way I do.

There have been a few bumps along the road but it's been a fun journey and those bumps have taught me something about myself. I anticipate that more bumps will cross my path and I anticipate that they will just be another way to learn a lesson and improve. That's what life's all about, right?

Today I celebrate one year of a more compassionate, conscious, environmentally friendly way of living. I feel good about where I am and I hope that, when people are ready, that they will open up to a less invasive way of living.

If you'd like more information about veganism or just feel like lightening your dependency, please explore these links:

The Post Punk Kitchen
I use the forum on this site. It's a great place to ask questions and learn things. Also, the food porn is fun to look at.

Vegan Yum Yum
Need a vegan cooking blog? Here's a great one. There's even a free iPhone app for this site.

Newport News
I've found some super cute shoes here. I am avid about not buying animal leather (who wants to wear another creature on their body?) and the selection, although not entirely non-leather, has a good selection at awesome prices.

Vegan.Org
All sorts of information. When I buy things at the grocery store I always get excited when I see it's been "certified vegan".

Etsy
Type in vegan in the search field and you'll get thousands of hits.

PETA
The link is the the "I can't believe it's vegan" list. There are a TON of foods out there that are "accidentally" vegan which makes my life just that much easier. Oreo cookies, anyone?

Recipe Zaar
1,515 recipes is what I get when I type the word vegan in the search box. That'll keep you busy for a while and I bet you won't even miss the stuff that's not in the recipe.

Meatless Monday
You can save animals, water and fossil fuels. Not to mention you can lower your cholesterol, maybe lose a few pounds and feel good about a cruelty free meal.

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Cross posted at Inspired Vegan

Dresses

2009-07-13T15:25:00.006-05:00

I used to hate hate hate wearing dresses. Now I love love love wearing dresses. I ordered a few dresses online just a few days ago from Francesca's Collections and I know the Internet is dying to see what I got:

Paris Sundress I'll definitely need a shirt to go under this loooooow cute dress, but I love the print and the color blocking.

Seaside Chiffon Dress The ethereal floating look is so adorable and I cannot wait to wear this on the beach in December for my cruise that's been booked.

Strawberry Shortcake Dress This dress looks so simple and I hope that it fits well. I adore the color.

Noir Racerback Dress Basic, black, cute.

Confidante Dress The pattern on this dress I love and the gathering at the bust is adorable.

Since I ordered these online I'm hoping that at least 2 will fit well and flatter me. I'm hoping for a 5 to work well, but I'd be happy with two. Come on, postman!!!

Buying a swimsoup*

2009-07-01T15:49:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I bought a swimsuit. And I didn't die. Dodged a bullet there, I tell ya.

I HATE HATE HATE buying swimsuits. I would argue that 99.7% of women hate buying swimsuits. We have to basically get something that covers very little and leaves little to the imagination. I want to leave A LOT to the imagination, thank you very much. I attempted to apply some self tanner to the thigh region before hand so I could fool at least my eyes into thinking my thighs are much less cellulite ridden than they actually are. I didn't die so I guess it worked. I may have fainted at some point, but obviously I made out on the other side.

Also, I'd like to confess that I'm getting older. I bought a tankini to offset the fact that both the suits I bought have skirts on them. Granted they barely pass for skirts since my ass is still hanging out but they are skirts none the less. They cover an 1/8 inch of thigh and I'll take that 1/8 inch.

The last time I wore a swimsuit and felt comfortable was approximately 28 years ago, when I was 3 years old. I still have that swimsuit also. It was a little red crochet bikini. You won't catch me in a bikini again until the day they invent lower body, specifically stomach, transplants. Seeing as how that will not occur in my lifetime I opt for the tankini. I get the cooler option of a two piece but with the coverage of a one piece which makes me feel less old and more hip.

I wish I could be carefree like some women who walk around in their swimsuits cut to there but it's just not me. When I go boating I always make sure that the excess fat isn't bouncing around all willy nilly like. I've tried skiing and knee boarding and all those things but I'm just to self conscious to give it the real big girl try. I'll be bouncing over waves! The thought sends shudders down my spine. When I get to a pool or lake or other body of water I high tail it in the water to my waist and then I let out a sigh of relief because I'm camouflaged part ways. That is until kids with goggles are under the water. I know, I know! When will the insanity end?

So I bought two swimsuits and I feel marginally good in them and their two piece, skirted-ness. I'm going to attempt to slap a smile on my, properly sun screened, face and make the best of it and have fun. Besides, no one really remembers the amount of cellulite their mother has, do they?

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* Jackson calls them swimsoups and I just don't have the heart to correct him because, hello?! swimsoup is adorable! If you disagree, well then, you can shove it.

Happy Birthday, Derick

2009-06-29T11:20:00.002-05:00

Dear Derick,

This time, 14 years ago, you were almost 24 hours old. Time flies, doesn't it? I remember when you were just a few days old and I took you to the grocery store where your Meemaw worked and everyone fussed over you and commented about how cute you were. I was only 17 at the time but I was old enough to beam with pride and agree that yes, you were adorable and a special and totally awesome.

So much has happened since those first few hours and days of your life. Much of it I've forgotten, sadly. I wish I could remember the way your skin felt, so baby soft. I wish I could have recorded your laugh so I could listen to it over and over again. To remember what your little fingers looked like and your fat belly and your wispy blond hair, I'd give almost anything to remember those things with clarity.

I wish I would have read "just one more book, please" and lingered a little longer with the bedtime kisses and hugs. I wonder if you care, or even remember that I didn't play cars with you that one time or yelled at you that other time. I feel enormous guilt, as all parents do, about the things that you probably don't even remember. On the flip side, there are so many things that I do remember. So many things I have stored away to remind me of all the fun we've had.

I remember when we took our first and only vacation just the two of us. Remember? We went to San Antonio. You met some friends there at the hotel pool and played with them for hours. We played Uno for the longest time and I think you finally got better than me at yelling UNO! when there was only one card left. We walked the Riverwalk and I was a nervous wreck that you'd fall in the water. You were totally not impressed by the Alamo and honestly, neither was I. I remember other vacations we took with family. The cruise we went on when you ate ice cream in a contest, upside down? HILARIOUS. You earned the plastic trophy. Going to Disney and riding the rides was a blast. I need to squeeze in more vacations with you, before you get much older.

Other memories flood back when I sit and think about you. Like the time you threw snowballs at me while I WAS IN THE KITCHEN. You thought it was hilarious and I did too, after I cleaned up the mess. In our old house we had that kitchen sink sprayer, remember? We made many watery messes spraying each other and giggling. When I'd wash the car you'd hide and I'd find you and blast you with the hose and you'd do the same to me. Carving pumpkins and you "eating" the guts is a favorite memory of mine. Watching you read makes me happy, I'm so glad you got that trait from me.

When you started kicking my butt at the dots game I knew you were growing up. When you could wear my t-shirts and they didn't fall to your knees I knew you were growing up. When my tennis shoes fit you and we got our gym shorts confused, I knew you were growing up. When I sang you happy birthday yesterday and I could tell you were rolling your eyes I knew you were growing up. Everyday you grow up and everyday I wish you could stop, for just a moment.

I just can't believe that you are 14, so close to being a man and yet so much to sift through and figure out till you get there. I have so many hopes for you, and I ache to see them come true. Above all my hopes for you I want you to be happy in whatever you choose as your path. When you were really young you'd say you wanted to be a trash man and I would have fully supported your choice to be a connoisseur of all things trash. I would have been your biggest fan. Now you say you want to be a video game designer and again, I will be your biggest fan. I'll cheer you through all the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful because you are my son. My awkward, funny, lovable, quirky, adorable son. I wouldn't trade you for all the icing in the world.

Happy Birthday, Derick, you have saved me everyday of your life.

I luff you.

The stress of it all

2009-06-24T15:34:00.003-05:00

Tonight I'm having my family over for dinner. I NEVER DO THIS. I never invite people over for dinner, or drinks, or watching a movie or ANYTHING. Why you ask? Why do I make sure that people never are invited over? Why do I go out of my way to avoid people coming over?

The stress! It's so stupid, too. I stress that my yard isn't cut to the proper length. I stress that my porch, if you can even call it that, is not swept properly. I stress that my house smells strange for some reason that I cannot smell but that it might offend others. I stress that if I offer someone a drink that I won't have exactly what they want or that a glass will have spots. If I make a meal I stress that they won't like it or that they will be allergic or, OH MY GOD. You get it, right?

It's so stupid, I know. If I invite you over it means that I like you and you probably like me equally and therefore you probably aren't going to white glove the baseboard behind my toilet, BUT WHAT IF YOU DO?! I don't remember the last time I cleaned any of my baseboards.

When I throw parties (rarely) I spend too much money getting napkins that match my party plates and buying 42 different beverages so everyone can have plenty of choices. I scrub the kitchen floor till I'm blue in the face and I vacuum the cats (kidding, although that's a great idea). When people do arrive at my house I want them to have a good time and so then I stress that I need to entertain them. I need to keep the conversation flowing and the laughs abundant. Music! Or maybe no music, television instead, or perhaps me juggling rings of fire would entertain? Visions of the perfect hostess enter my mind and then there's me. The stress of it all!

What's funny is that when I go to a friend's house I could care less if it's messy. I don't care if I have to move a week's worth of laundry to sit down. If you haven't done the dishes in 4 days I probably won't blink an eye. If all you have is water to offer me I'm happy to drink it.

So why on earth am I so hard on myself when it comes to people visiting? I just really don't know and I need to stop stressing over it all and just invite people over, already. Most people won't care that I don't sweep the floor often enough and they probably won't care if there's a few dishes in the sink.

From this day on I will make an effort to invite people over and not stress about it till I have no fingernails left. It's just not something I need to worry over anymore. I'm done with the self induced stress. Over it!

So, you wanna come over?

Dad

2009-06-22T10:33:00.003-05:00

I'm a day late in the Dad post...

I have two dads. One biological father and one real dad, in my mind. My bio dad (as he calls himself) and my mom were married for 5 years and tried to have me with no luck. After my bio dad professed that he didn't love my mother like that anymore they decided to divorce. After being separated for a time they got back together for 3 days and Hello! Here's Kristie! I was at my parent's divorce hearing when I was 6 weeks old. I'm told that my bio dad was late to my birth.

Over the years my bio dad has tried to make an effort to be closer to me, I suppose. He used to say it with money. I remember once he gave me something like $400 to buy new clothes and stuff for school. He also gave me a handheld black and white TV that I thought was so cool. He took me (and my half sisters) shopping and let us buy whatever we wanted, no questions asked. It was strange because I felt like I had struck it rich. I could have whatever I wanted! Shiny new things! The world was my oyster because I could buy whatever I wanted.

The funny thing about that time, thought, was when I left Missouri and came back home to Texas I always felt empty. As a kid I remember thinking how lucky my half sisters were. They could have whatever they wanted with an almost unlimited budget. Lucky! Of course, you know what I'm going to say I'm sure, money isn't everything. I realized that my half sisters lived a strange life. When the money went away, as it always seems to, they didn't much left left but dull, old things and not a drop of what I had at my house.

In my house, with my mom and (step) dad us kids didn't have unlimited funds to buy whatever we wanted. I begged for a pair of the "it" jeans of the nineties and never got them. When we went shopping my budget was much less than $400 and I had to buy practical things. Things that would last for a whole school year. We didn't have jet skis and a yacht like my bio dad did. We had an embarrassingly bright yellow boat that sure didn't have bedrooms and a bathroom in the lower deck. It didn't even have a lower deck unless you consider being under the boat, in the water, the lower deck.

The difference, and this is a big one, was that my family was full of love. We didn't have the yacht or the maid or that Corvette's or any of that fancy stuff. We had so much more than that. We had each other and we depended on each other and we knew we'd be there for each other, even when things were tough and we couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other.

My dad is the reason for this. When I was a mere toddler my mom and I married my dad. He has always accepted me as his own daughter, no questions asked. When I got married, he walked me down the isle. When I divorced he paid for my attorney. He helps me fix my car and we laugh when we say inappropriate things with cuss words. He's got this funny, breathy laugh that makes his whole face light up. He's never still, always doing something around the house. He makes sure I have money to live and puts up with my antics. He complains about going on vacations and then can't stop talking about where he went when he comes back. He's tall and skinny and can eat whatever he wants and not gain an ounce (the total opposite of my mom and I). He would do absolutely anything for his family and he does everyday. He works hard, harder than anyone I know, to help take care of us.

I love my bio dad, he's getting better theses days. He calls me on the phone now, which he never used to do when I was younger. He never did recover and get his yacht back. He drives an old beat up truck and lives in a modest home that doesn't have a maid. He still sends me money sometimes, old habits and all. But I think maybe he's getting it. He getting that money is so much less important than just being a family and loving with all you have. That's what my REAL dad taught me.

I am one lucky girl. My dad is the coolest out there. My mom and I sure did strike it rich.

Homecoming

2009-06-14T10:54:00.002-05:00

In two weeks and one day Derick is FINALLY coming home. If you recall, back in January, I sent my oldest son to live with his Dad. It sucked and I cried and driving away from him, leaving him behind over a thousand miles away, was total and utter crap. I hated it.

I haven't seen Derick, other than a few random pictures, in over 6 MONTHS. I missed over half a year of my son become more of a young man. I missed him getting braces and growing into yet another shoe size. Sure, I mailed him those new shoes and I saw a picture of those new, shiny braces but it's just not the same.

He's coming home for about 7 weeks and has decided to go back to his Dad's house which sucks. He's officially in high school and he will be officially 1 day into his 14Th year when he gets here. He'll also be officially that much closer to being a grown up and never talking to his mother again. It just sucks and I hate it.

I hate that he's so far. I could handle if he was 3 hours or even 5 hours away. But over 20 hours away, by car? Not so much. He loves it there, with his other family and I know why, I'm sure. They are more of a close knit family and he probably feels more included and they do different things there and I think he just feels like he fits in better. Boy, that's hard to admit that I think he prefers that family as opposed to this one, but I am pretty positive that's true.

I hate that he wants to go back but I want to make the most of our ever so short summer vacation. I have grand plans of going to Six Flags, going hiking, having picnics outside, playing in the inflatable pool in the backyard with Jackson and hopefully some other things. I intend on having Derick do his chores like he needs to do and be a part of this family as he always has been. This won't be that kind of vacation for him.

My biggest fear is that he will never come home and he will stay in the Maryland area for the rest of his life. He'll meet his future bride, have kids and it will be a huge deal to go visit him and my grand kids. I'm sure I'm being dramatic, but have I mentioned how much I hate that he's so far away? I HATE IT.

Supposedly his Dad and that family is moving this way in December but I've heard him say he was moving here for YEARS so I'm not holding my breath at all. I just hope he's become a man of his word, finally.

It's going to be bittersweet my Derick coming home to visit us. I'm going to try and not count the days down till he leaves me again and I will keep all my hate of him leaving again inside so I don't ruin his visit. But internally, I want him to want to stay and I know he doesn't want to and that's what I hate the most.

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Derick, someday I imagine you will read this and I think it's important for you to know that I did not write this with dry eyes. I want what's best for you, even when I hate that it's not what I want. But that's just one facet of a parent's job, do what's best for your children and hope that they know someday how much you loved them to let them go, even when it hurts.

See how my garden grows

2009-06-08T15:24:00.004-05:00

It's been 6 weeks or so since I last posted about my garden. It's growing nicely and I'm quite impressed that I have living plants that haven't kicked the bucket. See pictorial proof below!

All of these plants were grown from seed with the exception of the tomato plants. Of this I am QUITE proud. I planted a few more things in the spaces like onions, peppers and a pattypan squash, but they haven't popped up just yet. I cannot wait to eat the fruits, ahem, of my labor!

I can't grow regular grass, but I can grow other things! I've decided I need two garden boxes. I'm talking to you, Dad.

These are my sugar snap pea plants. Jackson LOVES sugar snap peas and have you seen how expensive organic sugar snap peas are?! Almost $5 for a tiny container. I realize that my tomato cages aren't the best for growing peas, but they will just have to do.

Here's a mystery plant that I have no clue what it is. It doesn't look like anything else I have so I just don't know. I hate to pull it out because it might be some fancy new veggie that I've never ha.d Or a weed. Who knows. Anyone recognize this plant?

Broccoli! How I love thee.

Here are my two excellent looking summer squash plants. They've grown since I took this picture 2 days ago.

One of my three surviving cilantro plants (damn bunnies). I hear you either love or hate cilantro. I'm of the former persuasion.

Swiss Chard! I can't wait till it gets large enough to eat. Look at the gorgeous greens and reds. I think chard is one of the loveliest plants. I especially love rainbow chard.

Cucumber plants. These are doing well. I planted these for my kids because I'm not a huge cucumber fan, but I'm learning to love it.

You say tomato I say I GREW TOMATOES!!!! See them?! I hear these are easy plants to grow, and I suppose that's correct. These are Roma's that I bought already growing so I can't take credit for it all. So far there are only like 6 tomatoes so I'm hoping I'll have much more soon.

My dad told me the tomato plants were too close, turns out he's right. Oh well.

I'm really just winging this so far. I haven't fertilized or anything other than plant and water. I probably should do something but I haven't gotten around to it.

Also, I'm ITCHING to compost. I have a link to what looks like a great composting bin for me and my situation, I just need to order it or find a cheaper one.

I am loving this gardening thing. I can't wait to go outside and pick something to eat it.

A new blog

2009-06-07T16:15:00.002-05:00

I, along with a friend, started a new blog. It's all about vegans and will have recipes, links, videos, animal free products and accessories and lots of other stuff. I just posted the very first post and there will be lots more.

I'm excited to have a place to talk all about the thing I'm most passionate about. Even if you aren't vegan you still might find a few things you find interesting so please check it out periodically.

Your support would mean to world to me and maybe I can convince a few more people to join in this crazy, awesome vegan thing.

Inspired Vegans

Update: The reader's digest version

2009-06-05T10:37:00.003-05:00

I'm excited to say I'm about to embark on joining a new blog soon. It's still in the works and it's not yet ready to be launched, but as soon as it is I'll be sure to post about it.
Also, and friend and I are starting another blog. Actually it's already made and I just need to get in there and set it all up. Look for that information soon!
My garden is growing! I don't kill things! A furry creature has been foraging around but hasn't done too much damage. I CANNOT wait to taste the vegetables of my labor. Ha!
Derick comes home from his dad's house in just a few weeks and I CAN'T WAIT. I miss the little dude. (He's almost 14 so he's really not little.)
Derick will be going back to his dad's house in August. HATE. Post to come.
Jackson is, well, Jackson. He's totally cool and you'd be lucky to hang with him. Fo Sho.
All sorts of trips are coming up. Austin next weekend! (To meet MaryAnn!*) Missouri in July! Sacramento in September! A possible cruise in November! Possibly Florida in July also!
I injured my knee a few weeks ago and it was total crap. I didn't workout for 2 weeks, felt like poo and gained 7 billion pounds.
I'm back on track for the most part and I've lost 1 pound of the 7 billion.
I had a TOTAL blast in Houston last weekend. Those people rule and you'd be lucky to hang with them, too. Jess, it was lovely to see you again!
I'm a lame blogger these days. That's what happens when I get some time off of work.
Expect more lameness to happen. It's too nice outside to sit here at my desk and write stuff. Told you I was lame!

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* I hope I spelled your name right and got the punctuation and spelling right also! If not, then it seems I owe you a beer, or three.

Reach for the stars, baby.

2009-05-27T17:22:00.002-05:00

While getting ready for the day this morning I grabbed a bottle of tinted moisturizer (my go to staple during the summer) and Jackson asked me, in his adorable 2-year-old manner, "Whatcha got, Mommy?" to which I replied "Mommy's got makeup". He thought for a second and said "I want makeup, Mommy!".

And here's where it gets comical and difficult and honest.

My first thought was to tell him that, no, boys don't wear makeup and dismiss his even asking. But then I thought to my self, self, what if you are hindering his possible love for makeup and being an exceptional drag queen. Someday, in his tell all biography he will devote an entire chapter to how his mother, at a young age, didn't support his love of all things makeup-y.

I wouldn't really give my young, extremely messy child makeup to put on. He does get chapstick on occasion but I attribute that to wanting nice soft lips so he can plant a big smakaroo on his momma's cheek. But I'm very serious about supporting him, even it involves wearing gobs of Nars lip gloss and Chanel shimmer powder (to die for, by the way).

I always had that support from my parents and I want to pass that along to my children even it's something I don't agree with or think is sort of different. I know when I choose to be a vegan that my mother was skeptical but ultimately has become one of my biggest supporters, often researching things for me even though she doesn't do the same as me. I am eternally grateful.

So, Jackson, if you choose to be a drag queen (hopefully world famous if that's the case) or a firefighter or whatever you want, I'll support you and do the best I can to give you tools necessary.

But you'll have to buy your own Chanel shimmer powder, though.

A few new changes

2009-05-21T22:15:00.002-05:00

I am the worst housekeeper in the history of the universe. I love having a clean house but I don't like to clean it. I get this gene from my mother (hi mom!). I'm quite lazy in the cleaning department and laundry department and doing the dishes department. I notice that when my house is messy I become more disorganized and scatter brained because I have to try extra hard to do things. If I need to cook I have to hand wash dishes that I need. When the morning rolls around and I have to get ready for work it can take me 15 minutes to find the right bra that may or may not be clean and if it is clean it may or may not be in a random pile waiting to be put away. When people come over I feel like I have to run around like a crazy person to clean for them, but really I'm cleaning for me because I don't want people to think I'm a lazy-non-cleaning person. But I am. There, I said it.

So! I'm making a few changes.

A few years ago I discovered Fly Lady and it really got me in the habit of cleaning my house everyday. Before I knew it, every single room was clean and orderly and it was pleasant to come home and spend time there. If you've never heard of Fly Lady it's basically a program that helps you get your home in order a little at a time. It's not about taking hours out of your day or tearing a room apart to make it perfect. It's baby steps. It all starts with a clean, shiny kitchen sink. I did my Flying fairly religiously until who knows what happened and it fell by the wayside.

Last week I started back up again. I went to bed last week with a shiny sink and not a single dish sitting around. I confess that earlier this week with my knee that I went to bed twice with a dirty sink and it bugged me as soon as I walked into the kitchen in the morning. I couldn't stand having even a bowl sitting there when it just needed to be moved to the dishwasher. My next step was to pick a room in the house and spend 15 minutes each day cleaning and decluttering. It's amazing how much you can get done in 15 minutes each day. Just a few minutes ago I spent my 15 minutes in my bedroom and tackled a pile of clothes that had been sitting on my dresser for, I kid you not, months. My dresser is clean now, the clothes are put away where they belong and I found some shoes I was missing. (Obviously it was a large pile.)

The other change I made was because I watched an episode of Oprah where she challenged families to pick 10 things a day for a week to donate. As of yesterday I've picked my 10 things and have them piled up ready to go to Goodwill. It's hard to find 10 things a DAY when you accumulate stuff that you don't need but you might need it someday. I can't even tell you how many times I've kept something thinking I may need it someday and rarely do I need it. A can of Aqua Net hairspray from 1986? I might have a hair emergency, even though I haven't used hairspray in YEARS. That button from that coat I wore once 10 years ago? It might come in handy someday! How annoying. I'll have 70 things to donate by the end of the week and I cannot express how exciting that it to me. Things I chose tonight were a few shirts I haven't worn in years, a couple of cheap picture frames and a sweater I've been hanging on to for a year even though it shrunk in the dryer.

I've got to stop letting my stuff control me and I need to control it. I don't need all this junk and I don't want it anymore. I want spacious, clean, welcoming and comfortable. I don't want dusty, cluttered, old and cramped anymore. It's so easy to do, it's just a matter of doing it even it's only 15 minutes at a time.

Highlights, an obsession and pictures

2009-05-18T11:57:00.007-05:00

I haven't written much of anything lately because, well, frankly, I lead a fairly boring life. Lately it's been filled with working, being at home, working out, yoga (my newest thing!) and the occasional dinner out with friends. Also, my garden (squee!).

Speaking of my garden I have baby plants! That I grew from baby seeds! See the blurry picture below. That eventually will be a big, juicy cucumber. I can't even believe that I stuck some seeds in the ground and they are growing as if that's what they were always meant to do. Also, my leeks, sugar snap peas, tomatoes and Swiss chard are growing like, well, like they are supposed to. I planted a few more things recently like summer squash, cilantro, cinnamon basil and red bell peppers. Those haven't done anything yet, but I imagine any day now.

Eventually I'll have all these home grown! veggies so I can put to use all the massive amounts of spices I have. See photo below. I ADORE Central Market and the bulk section of spices, herbs and salts. It's a growing obsession. (I keep hoping I'll meet me future husband over a plastic tub of Pink Peruvian Salt or Coconut Curry powder.) I love going there and seeing what spices I don't have and replenishing the ones I do have. I don't profess to know how to use spices in the "right" way, but I enjoy playing around. I'm not very fancy with them because I keep them mostly in the plastic bags. I need to invest in more spice jars.

Speaking of playing around. Parents, please invest in this toy for your children. It will entertain them for HOURS. My child loves his spray bottle*. He sprays the grass, the dog (much to her irritation) and himself. Sometimes he even sprays his mother in the butt and laughs hysterically.

One of the perks of it getting warmer outside is that I can hang my laundry outside to dry. 5 years ago you wouldn't have caught me doing this. In fact I probably would have laughed at someone who did. But then I woke up to the possibility of getting a little vitamin D in the purest form, some light exercise, a chance to save a few cents on my electric bill and the opportunity to save the environment one load at a time. Please excuse the half dead grass. Also, see my garden box?! And the bonus power drill. I love my power drill

So, basically that's all I have to write today. It's not much, but it's better than nothing I suppose.

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*This is some random spray bottle that I cleaned really well and filled with regular old tap water.

Meal planning

2009-05-12T15:30:00.003-05:00

When I meal plan I look at any bookmarked recipes that I've saved for later, peruse my dog eared cookbooks and make a note to make something I've made before. I just made my meal plan for the rest of the week and it's HEAVY on the cilantro and garlic. I hadn't noticed until I kept seeing those two ingredients repeatedly. Chances are my child won't eat this stuff, but I intend on giving it to him to throw on the floor in dismay. I love my kid. (P.S. He has started calling himself Jack. CUTE!)

If my house were cleaner than it is now I'd invite you people over for some yummy food! Isn't that awful that I don't invite people over because I don't think my house is clean enough? That's for another post.

On to the food!

Tuesday (tonight) - Plantain Salad. I bought some plantains last week on a whim and they keep staring at me with their beady little stems so I thought I might come up with something to eat them with. I'm sure I've had plantains before but I just can't remember so I'm going to give this recipe a shot. I love RecipeZaar so much. With this I'll be making my standard fresh spinach salad with a tasty raw orange miso dressing that I made the other day.

Wednesday - Sweet Potato Curry with Spinach and Chickpeas. I LOVE LOVE LOVE curry and spinach and sweet potatoes. I also love RecipeZaar, have I mentioned that? I'll add some brown rice to this and call it a day.

Thursday - Asian Noodle Salad. I adore the Pioneer Woman and even though she's not remotely close to being even vegetarian, sometimes she posts some recipes that are accidentally vegan or vegetarian or even recipes I can adapt to my way of eating. This recipe is (if you get egg free pasta) is vegan, 100%, plus it's so colorful and way healthy. I'll be getting whole wheat pasta and probably eating this for days on end. I'm super excited to try this. I know my Jack (teehee!) will love the pasta and maybe a bell pepper or some cabbage might accidentally make it's way into his mouth. Maybe.

Friday - Red Kidney Bean Curry. Oh, Mrs. Smitten Kitchen, how I love thee. The scenario is the same as above. She's not vegan or vegetarian but I've adapted many of her recipes but this one is 100% vegan. And it's TO DIE FOR. I made it a few months ago and every time I see the word curry I'm taken back to this dish. It's perfect with brown rice and a ton of cilantro on top. It's so so so so so good. Please make this. You'll be glad you did. I swear.

Saturday - Sweet Corn Chowder. This recipe is actually a raw recipe and I've made it before and it was really good. I'm really into Ani Phyo and her raw recipes, I even posted about buying her book here. This corn chowder is SO tasty and so simple. It's super healthy with good fats and good calories and it's a really light dish for the impending heat I anticipate.

Don't let me fool you here, I don't normally cook all this stuff in a row like this. In fact, I'll probably have a pb&j one night and shift one of these meals to another day. And also, I'll probably eat the same meal two or three times in a row for dinner if it's tasty enough (hello Red Kidney Bean Curry!). But I do love having all my ingredients on hand and a plan for what I'm going to make.

Tonight I'm going to my yoga class and then to the closest farmer's market to stock up. I love cooking!

P.S. I need a food processor. Tell me what you have, please!

END OF THE CLEANSE

2009-05-11T10:55:00.003-05:00

I'm done with my 21 day cleanse. Actually I was done last week, but I have been to busy stuffing my face with food ever since. Counter-productive I know.

I weighed myself around the 17 day mark and I had lost about 3 pounds, then I promptly gained it all back this past weekend. For this I am so mad at myself. I did so excellent, eating my raw fruits and veggies and spicing things up with different types of salts and homemade sauces and then I go and ruin it all.

In my head I knew that my cleanse was over and I wasn't accountable to my friend I did it with anymore. I became accountable only to myself and I totally let myself down. But! I learned a few things along about myself and about the world of whole foods.

I learned:

I, myself, get an awful dizziness if I go too many days without either a larger amount of protein or whole grains. I'm not sure which one it was but when I added more protein and grains the dizziness went away. If I do this cleanse again I'll make sure I up the protein powder and make sure I get in some whole grains.
Eating whole foods take some effort, but it's worth it. There's nothing better than filling your belly with fresh strawberries. No sugar or anything, just fresh strawberries. I did best when I bought a ton of fruit and veggies and prepped everything in advance. Then when I got hungry I could go straight to the fridge and there would always be something ready for me.
I learned that I have the willpower to not snack at night on stuff that's not good for me. It's just mind over body.
It was so awesome that I felt so virtuous, light and healthy when I ate whole, natural foods that weren't vacuum sealed, processed or unrecognizable.

In an effort to keep this going (after my wreck of a weekend) I bought a cookbook I've actually been thinking about buying for a long time. It's really and uncookbook. Nothing is heated above 104 degrees. I have most of the tools I need to make all the recipes in this book and I now I know that I just feel better when I eat whole foods.

I became more in touch with how food comes to my grocery store and how far it travels. I researched why organic is best, even if it is more expensive. I decided I don't mind spending a bit more on good, quality, pesticide free food because really I'm investing in my health and isn't that a prized possession? I watched an excellent documentary called The Future of Food and I was surprised and shocked and it fueled my fire to plant my own garden. If you have some spare time (about 1.5 hours) please watch this film. It's so interesting.

I'm not even close to be a perfect eater. I doubt many people are. I still plan on having a package of Twizzlers at the movie theatre on occasion and I'm sure I'll make (another) batch of brownies sometime soon that are full of sugar. But I gave myself a gift of knowledge and the awareness of what's best for me and I think that's the important thing. Especially when I intend on using that knowledge to make life better.

Recently a few people I know have begun to make small changes in their diets such as eating less meats, cheeses and other things that I believe are just not good for your bodies and I'm so impressed. One family member is even transitioning to being a vegan! Once we all take a step back and really look at how we care for our only body I think the world will be a better place. People will be healthier, happier and more able to give of themselves on a large scale. Changing the way we've done things for generations is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves and to our children. We just have to have the knowledge and the want to change.

On a side note: I discovered that I don't mind raw broccoli like I thought I did. But, I still hate beets.

Garden!

2009-05-06T12:15:00.003-05:00

I planted my first plants in my new raised garden bed yesterday! Jackson "helped" also. He's got his own little watering can and he loves dirt so I'm having a blast watching him throw dirt in the air only to land in my mouth. Memories, right?

My Dad was a great help at making the raised garden box. He even worked in the pouring rain. It's a good thing he came to help because who know what I would have made. Probably a garden disaster.

I chose a raised bed because my yard is full of large rocks and whatever else the construction workers threw in there to level the ground. (I've found plastic utensils, bottle, condom wrappers (eeeeew!) and other miscellaneous items.)

I'm the first to admit I have no clue whatsoever about gardening. I can grow some container herbs which I do almost every year. But growing things like tomatoes and lettuce? NO IDEA. I'm going into this with the hope that Mother Nature will be kind and forgive my ignorance.

For instance. The Roma tomato plants you see below? I had no idea I needed to stake them. I puffed my chest out and got all excited and showed this picture to my Dad and he's all aren't they planted too close? and where are the stakes? And I was all huh? See, I told you! I know nothing! So I'm going to move one of the plants farther away from the other and get a stake, whatever that means.

Also, those rocks? Are my fancy way of marking where I have things planted. I hadn't though about that until after I was all ready to plant things. I planted cucumbers (for the boys because I'm not a fan) and two kinds of Swiss chard. I read the directions on the seed package and I'm tracking everything in a notebook so I know when to prune, harvest and thin out. Not in that order of course. I'm still waiting for other seeds to arrive such as onions, broccoli and a few others. I'm sure I'll place them to closely and over water them. But it's all about the learning curve. Or in my case, a brand new way to do things.

If all else fails I'll just throw a bunch of magic beans in there and hope for a miracle.

DAY 17, gardening and slip ups.

2009-05-04T10:44:00.003-05:00

It's the start of day 17 of my cleanse. Only 4 more days to go.

Let's cut to the chase. I sucked this weekend. Friday I drank a margarita (it was really only a few sips but still, also, I think I just don't like drinking it tastes awful (I know some of you are gasping at the thought of hating alcohol). Then I ate an entire bag of Twizzlers at a movie. I won't even tell you how awful I felt, physically. Saturday I actually did awesome but then yesterday came.

I have a TON of carrots that I bought and I do enjoy a crunchy carrot here and there and I've had my fair share of grated carrot over my many spinach salads but I felt they aspired to do more. They did more by becoming carrot cake muffins. Those carrot cake muffins? Flew into my mouth. I swear. Granted they were made with whole wheat flour, hardly any oil, no egg and were only like 150 calories each which isn't bad, but when you eat somewhere around 974 of them, those 150 calories each turn into a year's supplies of calories. I know myself and I should have known better than to make them without a plan to give them all away shortly after baking. This morning I took a few to my SIL and brother's house. There are only a few left, thank goodness.

Today, I aspire to do better. To treat this body better. I brought my usual ENORMOUS spinach salad with grape tomatoes, bell peppers and grated carrot. I also have a millet and veggie stuffed green pepper to up the veggie count. As a snack I brought a container of blackberries (I'm so glad the price is back down) and a small container of edamame. I haven't quite thought ahead to dinner but I do have some purple asparagus that's been waiting for me. I won't let the bad choices stamp out the good choices I plan to make today, tomorrow and forever.

In other news: In an effort to reduce my dependency of my grocery stores and save a few bucks in the long run I've built a raised garden bed. Actually, my Dad helped me build it. I need to get a few more bags of soil and then I'm totally going to call myself Farmer Kristie. I need to research what vegetables I want, space planning and buying of the actual plants. I also need to look into when I should plant certain plants. I'm a bit late in the game already this season, but I'm excited to see what I can come up with. I'm considering greens like kale and chard, bell peppers, herbs of course, sweet potatoes, maybe a blackberry bush, tomatoes, squash and a few other things. I think this will help teach my children where food comes from and that it doesn't just show up on the shelves and in cans. If all goes well, my friends might be inundated by fresh, organic whole foods. I can't wait!

Any organic gardening sites that you guys know about? Information is power, as they say.

DAY TEN : Festival food, clothes shopping and a slip up

2009-04-27T11:58:00.004-05:00

So it's the beginning of day ten of my cleanse diet. I have branched out and bought new veggies that I've never had. Daiokon radish : hate it. Mung Beans : OK in stir fry, YUCKY raw. Beets : Just can't seem to get into them, but I'm going to keep trying. Chayote Squash : Haven't yet tried it, but I'm excited to. Endive : Haven't tried it yet either, but I'm sure it will be tasty.

Yesterday I went to a local jazz festival to enjoy the music and we ended up eating dinner there. Of course the food was all (mostly) crap food. Junk. Fried this and fried that. There was even a booth that was called "Yes! It's fried!" and everything was fried. From Twinkies to pickles. It made my stomach turn. I managed to find a booth that had baked potatoes that I ordered plain with some garlic salt. At another booth I found a guy who had vegetable lo mien so I ordered a plate of that and Jackson ate most of the noodles and I ate most of the veggies on my baked potato. Jackson and I also shared a huge ear of corn, plain, and it was a total hit. I managed to find healthy, good-for-me foods at a festival. It was a job, but I was so proud of myself to sticking to my diet. Hopefully, as time goes on, Jackson will absorb this and see that it's OK to eat well even when you are surrounded by fried Twinkies and pigs on sticks.

I did have a minor slip up this weekend, I cannot lie. My sister-in-law (who's progressing toward being a vegan YAY!!!) and I went shopping and, well, shopping is exhausting! We stopped at the indoor mall food court and I saw fruit smoothies and I was all YES! They have fruit smoothies! It's fruit! I asked what was in the smoothie and was all sorts of giddy to hear that they were made from soy milk and fruit juices. It's vegan! SWEET. So I ordered a yummy smoothie and drank about a 1/4 of it before I realized that HELLO, it's full of soy milk (which I'm avoiding right now) and sugar from the fruit juices (which I'm also avoiding). Oh well, it was an honest mistake.

Also, I had a grand time shopping. I'm officially back to a size 8 FINALLY. Jackson's been 2 since February if that tells you anything. It was a LONG LONG LONG road, but one I've had fun taking and one I've learned so much from. I happy to be back, that's for sure.

In a few days I'll be incorporating tofu, quinoa and brown rice back to my diet. I'm really excited, especially about the brown rice and quinoa, two of my favorites!

I am so proud of myself that I've done so well and kept on track (except my one mistake). It proves that even when I'm surrounded by junk food and processed things that I can absolutely make the choice to refrain, because my body is worth it. I am worth it.

Bonus picture of Jackson eating his "corns". He cried when it was all gone.

DAY SIX

2009-04-23T11:30:00.002-05:00

Today is the beginning of my 6Th day on my detoxing cleanse diet. For almost a week now I've eaten only fruit and vegetables (mostly fresh, some canned and frozen), oils from homemade salad dressings, spices and protein powder for my morning smoothies.

Yesterday I started to second guess this diet. I know that to function well I need carbs from whole food grains and I started to worry that I wasn't eating what I body needs. I was feeling randomly light headed and I really did start to worry. Then I took a step back and really put some thought into this.

I know of a child who eats the same three meals at every sitting and rarely deviates. He's got zero variety in his diet and he's doing just fine (so far). I know people who eat fast food 2-3 times a day and they are still standing (maybe not well, but they are still standing). Recently I saw people at an all-you-can-eat buffet gorging on things like fatty meats and cheesy pastas made with white flour and they were able to function OK (if you can call that functioning).

I realized that by my just eating whole foods with no added chemicals, additives or other things that don't belong in food that I was way ahead of the game. After I realized all the above things I stopped worrying. I decided to add even more variety to my diet. I've been eating tomatoes, cucumbers, avocados, sweet potatoes, squashes, all sorts of berries, all sorts of greens and tons of different kinds of spices. Today I plan on picking up a few more things to add. Maybe some jicama, hot peppers for some spice and some celery root (that thing is so intimidating!).

I'm not going to lie and say that it's been easy. Yesterday was the worst so far. I wanted something, anything that wasn't a vegetable or fruit. I wanted pasta piled high with faux meatballs. I would have loved to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich slathered with jelly made with tons of sugar. If I would have had chocolate or candy in my house I may have been forced to toss it down the garbage disposal. Instead I got a large bowl of frozen veggies and made a simple Asian stir fry with some soy sauce and a spicy pepper sauce.

For the most part I've felt full most of the day because I eat all day long. Every two hours I eat something small and the best part? I've lost 3 pounds. I know that's probably a lot of water weight, but it's still pretty exciting. If I lose a few pounds in the process I'm not going to complain.

I'm feeling more aware of how to use spices to make vegetable taste good. Combinations of different vegetables is quite fun to experiment with. My morning smoothies never taste the same and I've discovered that I really like carrots in my smoothie, especially baby carrots. They lend a sweet flavor. Who knew that I'd like spinach, carrot, banana and blueberries smoothies.

I have one week left of only fruits and vegetables and I hope that even when that time is over that I'll continue to eat the variety and amount of these super foods. Because, really, they are super foods, in more way than one.

DAY TWO

2009-04-20T17:13:00.002-05:00

Here it is day two of my cleansing diet. It's been interesting so far. I managed to go to lunch with a good girlfriend of mine and it was a smashing success. We went to a local sushi place and I got the raw cabbage salad with ginger dressing and the awesome chef (do they call them chef's at sushi places?) made a special roll just for me. It had cucumber and seaweed as the 'wrapper' and avocado, carrot and cucumber for the inside. It was scrumptious.

I generally feel pretty good. This morning was a little rough, but once I got some food in my belly everything felt much better.

I'm looking forward to having sweet potatoes tonight, among other things.

I do have a question...about beets. Tell me what you do with beetroot. I've read about roasting and frying and boiling. But I want to know what you do with beetroot. One of the things I want to do is try new foods that I normally don't try. There aren't many veggies and fruits I haven't tried that are common around here, but there are definitely a few. Beetroot is the first lucky veggie!

DAY ONE

2009-04-19T18:35:00.002-05:00

So, it's day one of my 21 day cleanse diet. Today was a day of green tea and water only. It's actually not been as awful as I thought it could be. I feel a little run down and I'm finding that I'm contemplating and thinking more than I normally would s the day goes on. Before I go to bed tonight I'm going to take some time to reflect on why I'm doing this and what it means to me.

I went to the store the other day to prepare for this diet:

Then, yesterday, I chopped and sliced and mandolined most of these yummy foods:

I have a game plan for tomorrow that involves fruit and protein powder shakes for breakfast, sushi (minus the rice) for lunch, sweet potatoes and steamed veggies for dinner and snacks.

I've never been so excited to sink my teeth into a colorful salad and some juicy blackberries. I think that maybe that's the point for me. I feel thankful that I have healthy food available to me even though I've chosen to not eat it today. I feel fortunate to know that I have made the choice to feed myself what's good for me and not just what tastes good despite the nutritional value because I've found that the healthy things? They do taste good.

21 day cleanse (SCARY!!)

2009-04-18T18:36:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I'm starting a 21 day cleanse. I thought it would be interesting, at least to me, to blog about it each day. The point of this cleanse is to detoxify my body of all the built up nastiness that it just doesn't need. (Easter candy, I'm talking to you.) It's basically a mostly raw vegan diet so it shouldn't be a HUGE departure from my regular diet, but it's going to take some planning and willpower and LOOOOOOTS of support. Fortunately I have a detox buddy and since she's done this before so I'm hoping to get a wealth of knowledge from her and be smart about this. The other point of this cleanse is to get in touch with what my body really needs and really take care of it.

I started a semi-regular yoga practice a few weeks ago and I've really begun to appreciate my body and how it has carried me through so much even when I abused it and put it last. I actually thank my body after each yoga practice for showing up and being present everyday, it's the only one I have and it's about time I started thanking it and caring for it the right way.

It's funny how one little thing can change your whole outlook on life and yourself. I'm approaching my one year "veganniversary" and it feels so right. I've taken advantage of the fact that Swedish Fish are vegan, though, and that's, partially, where the cleanse comes in. I'm nervous and excited and prepared. I went to the store today and loaded up on fresh fruits and veggies, some I've never even tried before. The variety is IMMENSE. I got strawberries, beets, bananas, spinach, avocados, lemons, raisins, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, onions, celery, acorn squash, cucumber, carrots, blackberries, clementines, mustard greens, heirloom tomatoes, peppers of all different colors and many other things.

It's going to be a tough 21 days, but one I hope will enlighten me and one I hope to start strong and continue strong all the way through.

Send snacks

2009-04-14T19:05:00.002-05:00

One more day to go. Send snacks and maybe a pillow also.

Kthnx.

Slight hoarding problem

2009-04-01T09:02:00.002-05:00

I moved out from my parent's home on March 26, 1995. I was seventeen and hugely pregnant. That particular day was my wedding day. As you can imagine I had very little to my name. I had my furniture which consisted of a bed, two dressers, an old Army trunk that belonged to my grandpa and an old rocking chair. To have dishes and flatware in our new (to us) apartment, we had to put items on lay-away at Walmart. I think we bought maybe $100 worth of stuff but it was such a huge amount back then to a little old 17-year-old.

We never had much money and I bought the cheapest stuff we could find. $.99 shampoo made by some random off brand company wasn't below me. Sometimes I'd splurge and spend $2.99. I wore mostly Wet N Wild makeup because it was so darn cheap. Store brand anything was the way to go, even toilet paper.

As I got older and made more money I started stocking up on things. If you searched my pantry you might find 3 cans of cream of corn just in case. Needed nail polish remover? I bet I could produce 2.5 bottles for your removing pleasure. Those cheap $.99 shampoo bottles? I bet I had 4 of them lounging in the hall closet for future use.

I have no idea why I hoarded things like food and toiletries. The more I've thought about it the more I realize that I think it's because when I moved I basically started from zero and had to claw my way up. I didn't have reserves of things just in case I ran out and I never knew if I'd had enough money to a.) drive to the store or b.) be able to even buy things we needed. I won't even mention about my ex-husband who used his paychecks to smoke pot and drink with his friends. (That's a whole other set of things that influenced my adult life.)

I'm 31 now (I had to check and make sure that was right, I already forgot) and I'm the same, sort of. I still stock pile food, 4 cans of kidney beans anyone? But I'm much better about actually finding uses for those 4 cans of kidney beans instead of letting them sit there until the can is piled with inches of dust. (Vegan chili is AWESOME.) I still buy deodorant when I'm half through the current deodorant I'm using. And I thought I had several bottles of shampoo chillin' in the closet, waiting for me.

I went on the hunt this morning for shampoo because I ran out. I searched and searched and searched some more and HOLY SHIT people, I don't have any extra shampoo! I haven't run out of shampoo in 14 YEARS. I always have some on hand, always. Today, on my way home, I have to stop and get shampoo and chances are I'll buy the $8 shampoo unless the $.99 bottle of shampoo smells particularly yummy. I was all feeling smug as I was searching thinking I've conquered my demons, I stopped hoarding!

And then I counted the bottles of body washes and I'll just say that I stopped counting at 7.

Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

What, if anything, do you hoard?

A shift in decorating

2009-03-30T12:18:00.003-05:00

Anyone who's been to my house knows that I am not afraid of color. I have bright red, yellow and blue walls in different rooms in my house. Orange, too! I have a lovely olive-y green sofa and a teal colored desk. I have always routinely gravitated toward the brighter, showier prints and colors. If it's white I'll probably pass right by it and focus on the highlighter pink items. I've torn page after page after page of interesting, colorful layouts of homes from magazines. It's an obsession to fill my house with color.

I don't lean toward beige's or taupe's or other muddy brown colors. They seem so, I don't know, brown. I just can't get into them. It's the same for white walls and white furniture.
B-O-R-I-N-G. Who wants to live in a sterile looking environment when there are so many color choices out there. The people at Ralph Lauren and Home Depot aren't sitting around developing new colors like 'Racer Pink' and 'Bicycle Yellow' for no reason.

But (there's always a but, isn't there?), I bought a lovely woven jute rug for my living room this weekend and the color is the gorgeous wheat-grass-blowing-in-the-summer-wind color. I feel like the beach should the view from my window (not my neighbor's house just a feet away) or that the sand is just a few steps away. That rug? Is so brown. BUT! It's so refreshing and clean looking and not jarring like the teal blue rug I did have in it's place. It tones down the green sofa and makes it calming.

As I was admiring my new sofa/rug combination an odd thought came to mind. Why don't I paint the living room wall a nice crisp white. I know. TRUST ME I KNOW. I see the irony here. Start with a brown rug and work my way toward sterile white. WTF, man. I practically slapped myself silly, especially when I recalled how many MANY coats of red paint I applied to those walls.

So, here's my dilemma and maybe you bloggy people can help me. I really am gravitating toward white and clean and orderly and I am seriously considering painting the walls white, or something equally light. But I want the look to feel comfortable and clean and modern, not sterile and boring. I want it to glow and feel inviting, not stark. How is that look achieved? I can't just slap on some white or light colored paint and hope that the room feels complete. Surely there's more to it. What gives a light colored room depth and color without the obvious color on the walls?

Oh, Internet, won't you help me?

Friday fun

2009-03-27T12:05:00.002-05:00

Today I'm leaving work a little early to have an evening with the ladies. Two of my favorite ladies, ever. My mom, her best friend and I are going to get our makeup done by a professional "Hollywood Makeup Artist". Supposedly she does makeup for some pretty famous ladies. It will be fun to ask her who has bad skin and who's really awful in person. Although I doubt she'd give up that information, but a girl can ask, can't she?

After our makeup sessions the three of us are going to get some dinner. I doubt anywhere fancy, but I'm looking forward to some down time. Boy howdy*, I sure do need some down time that's for sure.

Afterwards I will be picking up Jackson and heading home to gear up for a full work day tomorrow.

Only 19 days of tax season left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:::::::::

*I have no idea why I wrote "boy howdy", it just popped in my head. /odd

And so I struggle...

2009-03-24T09:49:00.003-05:00

I was talking to a client of mine the other day and told him about Jackson's fall from the third story window and how amazing it was that he was unscathed (for the most part). Everyone agrees that it's a miracle that he walked away with just a few scratches. My client asked me if this experience had "opened my eyes". This particular client is a religious man and he quotes the bible often so I knew exactly what he meant. He wanted to know if I was any closer to praising God for saving my child. Other people have praised God up one side and down another and I just, well, I just struggle with doing the same.

You see, one of my other clients has a son who fell from a two story window several years ago. He was about the same age as Jackson when he fell. He's permanently brain damaged and will never be the same child. He will probably never be self sufficient. He and his mother were one of my very first thoughts when I heard that my own son had fallen from a window. I bargained for a broken arm or leg or a permanent scar. Anything except for permanent brain damage or worse. It's funny what you'll settle with when faced with possible death.

I struggle with praising God for letting my child walk away un-harmed because why did he choose my son over another mother's son? When someone says that "God is good" and he helped my son, all I can think is what about the other boy? What about the other children who fall from windows and don't walk away? Is my son more special than other mother's sons? I don't think so. I think each child is as special as the rest.

Don't get my wrong. I am so grateful and over the moon that my son is perfectly OK and that he will have no lasting anything from his tumble. I thank my lucky stars everyday and I think that there's a reason he was spared. I think there's something out there bigger than all of us, I'm just not sure that's it's one man, or spirit, or ghost or whatever.

I may come to my moment of reckoning and wish I had believed with every fiber of my being. I may take that moment to start praying and asking for forgiveness from God himself instead of just asking for forgiveness from the universe. I may regret not going to church and giving thanks and 10% of my income to a church to "spread the word".

It's all unknown and that's what I struggle with I suppose. All I do know is that I'd be naive to think that there isn't something out there that is bigger than all of us. There just has to be. I know that when I think of seeing my boy for the first time after he fell will be etched in my brain forever and my throat will catch and I'll have to hold back tears. I know that sneaking into his room late at night to watch him breathe is a luxury that I relish now more than ever.

I'm eternally grateful to whoever saved my son whether it was God or angels or little sprites. I believe in something, I'm just working out exactly what that is.

My baby fell from a third story window.

2009-03-20T12:04:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Jackson fell from his daddy's third floor apartment window. And he's basically fine. Other than some wicked scratches on his lower body, he's fine.

He was taken by ambulance to the hospital where they did a bunch of tests and determined that he was OK to go home. We think he must have fallen on his butt into the bushes below. When his daddy found him he was standing up, crying, but OK.

The moment I got the phone call and the first sight of Jackson were the worst moments of my life. I wouldn't wish that horror on anyone.

Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes, prayers and positive thoughts.

My baby walked out of the hospital last night eating pretzels. It's a total miracle.

You'd think I have time to read by this post.

2009-03-16T09:55:00.008-05:00

Yesterday I had the day off! and I was kid free! and it was a fairly nice day outside! I hung out with my parents almost the entire day. After returning a few ill-fated purchases I joined them for lunch, went to Barnes & Noble, took in a movie, stopped at the grocery store (so my cats wouldn't die of starvation) and then grabbed some dinner. It was a lovely day, and now I have a TON of new books to read. I tweeted about my book purchases yesterday and the lovely Danielle asked me what I got. Now, Danielle, I swear I wasn't ignoring you, I was only trying to figure out how to write, in 180 characters or less, the vast amount of books I got. Instead of tweeting about it, I'm going to tell you guys all about each book I got.

Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift

Honestly, I never had much interest in reading this book. I mean come on, it's like a billion years old and it's filled with words that I'd never use like whilst. So here's why I bought it. I often get stuck by long stop lights and trains on my way home. It's not uncommon to be stuck by a train for 10 minutes. In an effort to entertain myself I downloaded an iPhone app that's got something like 15 classic books. It's like a mini, electronic book. So I picked Gulliver's Travels to read and I actually made it quite far in the book just from reading it on my phone. When I was at B&N yesterday I happened to see the actual book and for some reason I couldn't resist getting it. I actually enjoy the book and the whist's and hereto's don't bother me much.

He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt
One of my girlfriend's, Chandler, told me that she had read this book and that it was an easy read. Also, when she said that it was written by a man about dating I was sold. Now maybe I'll have some tiny inkling about why most men suck. Plus, I want to see the movie and I just can't see a movie and then read the book. I'm actually bummed a little because the cover of the book shows all the characters and I hate that. I want to picture the characters in my own head, I don't want to have existing person placed in there for me.

The Well and The Mine by Gin Phillips

OK, so, I admit it. I buy books, most of the time, based on the cover or title. The cover of this book looks so innocent and sweet and yet there's something I can't quite place, something dark about it. When I read the back of the book to see what it was about I was just drawn in. I have anxiety about reading this book, but I also picture warm summer nights filled with an innocence I'll never have again.

Slumdog Millionaire by Vikas Swarup

Hi Chandler! You told me about this movie, remember? So I picked up the book and read what it was about and it seemed, different. I'm always up for a book that's different. Plus, it's a movie now and I'd like to see it, but I require myself to read the book first.

The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb

I adore Wally Lamb. I've read all of his (two) books thus far and I just really enjoyed them. This book is QUITE thick and large and it was probably one of the more expensive books I've purchased in a long time. This is not a light hearted novel which means that I'll have to psych myself up to read this, but I just know it will be worth the time. Plus, I like the cover photo. I know that I often burn both ends simultaneously.

The Very Hu ngry Caterpillar notecards

So, this isn't a book, I'm aware. It's note cards that I can mail to people. The artwork is some of my favorite for children's books and who doesn't love a cute caterpillar that turns into a "beautiful butterfly"?

People of th e Book by Geraldine Brooks

I am actually in the middle of reading this book right now. I bought it in Ohio when I was visiting my Aunt. She has the coolest bookstore by her house and I'm totally jealous. So I read this on my, extremely short, lunch breaks and it's taken me a while to read much of it but I'm half way through the book and I'm really enjoying it. If you love books and love reading about books, read this one. It's great.

In Their Shoes by Grace Halsell
I was reading another book recently that referenced to this book and once I read what it was about I just had to get it. It's fascinates me when someone "becomes" someone else to gain knowledge, or experience or ammunition.

The Face on Your Plate by Jeffrey Masson

I've made it my personal mission to educate myself about the vegan diet. I read about it from all aspects, health of the human body, the lives of the innocent animals, the impact on the planet and the dire working conditions of the slaughter house employees. This is yet another book I am excited to read. Plus the cover is thought provoking, at least for me.

Organization is not a strong trait I posses.

2009-03-14T18:07:00.003-05:00

So, The Container Store is having a sale on their Elfa organizational products. It looks to be an awesome sale that doesn't end till mid May so I'm contemplating plunking my hard earned money down to organize my closet.

Which closet you ask? My bedroom closet. It's a nice walk in closet that is large enough to house my ridiculously large shoe collection, vast amounts of clothes I've collected over the years and other random things I can't seem to part with. But it's a MESS. It's really just a few shelves and a hanging area and that's it. There's no way to really organize it other than hang things up and keep the shoes in the mismatched floor and door organizers I have. The dead space that's not being used is vast.

I will admit that I suck at putting clothes away. My dresser is covered with folded, clean clothes that I just can't manage to make myself put away. So I figure if I get some sort of drawer option in my closet that maybe it will be a little easier than my current plan. Which is obviously a non-plan.

Plus, I decided not to put extra money into my retirement account like I had planned on. Instead of investing in the stock market I'll be investing in my home. It sounds good, right?

My only stress? Installing it myself. I don't normally have large blocks of time that I can spend hammering and measuring and installing things. There's that whole having a toddler underfoot to worry about. Not to mention the fact that I work much more than I did a few months ago.

I've got some time to decide and tweak the current layout that the Container Store people did for me. Until then I will continue to have pleasant day dreams about a beautifully organized closet fit for a queen.

Filler post

2009-03-12T10:05:00.002-05:00

I know that all 4.3 of you miss me. So here's a random filler post. (Send extra help here....working too much....need a nap. Also, maybe some chocolate.)

1. My ex...isn't getting his income tax refund, I am!!!!! It's about damn time, considering he owes over 50 THOUSAND dollars. Plus, I'm all feeling good about the fact that I took some of that money and started a savings account so Derick will have a few bucks for college.

2. Maybe I should...finally get my act together and finish the things I start. I fear it's become a habit that I'm having a hard time breaking.

3. I love....being a vegan. Like, seriously love it. I feel better and look better (I think) and I love that I eat some a large variety of things I would have never eaten.

4. People would say that I'm...kind but that I don't put up with shit from other people (sometimes to my detriment).

5. I don't understand why...there are only 3 months in which to complete almost one years worth of work.

6. When I wake up in the morning.....I sometimes thank my lucky stars that I bought the good mattress and not the cheap one.

7. I lost my.....well, let's see. I lost a TON of money in already tiny retirement account. How will I ever retire? Also, I lost an entire fund that I had. Not that there was much in it, but still.

8. Life is full of....interesting people. And by interesting I mean fun and peculiar and awful and awesome and all things rolled into one.

9. My past is...something I attempt to learn from but sometimes I need a reminder.

10. I get annoyed...when I try so hard to get something and then other people barely have to try at all it just comes to them. I like to think that I appreciate it more, but it's still annoying.

11. Parties are....too far and few between!

12. I wish....Someone would manage my money and bills. Anyone?

13. Dogs…are annoying when they eat cat poop. *gross*

14. Cats.....love to walk on my kitchen counters and it drives me crazy. I know where those feet have been!

15. Tomorrow I....will get to wear jeans to work.

16. I have low tolerance....for mean or ignorant people.

17. If I had a million dollars... I'd pay a lot of taxes. Then I'd pay my house off. (Only 11 years left!)

18. I'm totally terrified... that my children won't learn how to have a normal relationship with a significant other because they don't see me in one.

19. My spouse is.... um...a figment of my imagination?

20. My life is...mostly fun and interesting and full of surprises.

Well, hello Internet.

2009-02-27T12:00:00.003-06:00

Um, it's that time of year again. I work all day on a computer and have zero desire to switch my computer on at home. I don't even think I've gone into my guest/office room at home in over 2 weeks. The door is permanently closed, at least for now.

I'm sure you don't want to hear about taxes and how I have to fix my own tax return because I'm too busy with everyone else's that I forgot to add many things. It's like the cobbler who owns no shoes and the mechanic who's car is on it's last leg. That's me. I think I amend my tax return every other year because I leave stuff off. *bangs head on desk*

I thought I'd pop by here really quickly during my alarmingly short lunch break and post a list of things that are making me smile as of late.

My new iPhone case that I ordered in a bright, cheery green.
Taking my youngest son to his 2 year checkup and finding that his vegan diet is just fine and he's growing like a weed. I intend on breaking the pre-conceived notion for some people who don't think it's possible.
Taking the time to actually mop my floor with a real mop and floor cleaner. I used to use a Swiffer and it sucked.
My size 10 jeans are too big! I bet I could wear a size 8 if I actually went shopping.
I'm only 10 pounds to my goal weight. It's been a long road, but I'm so close.
Hanging out with a dear, sweet friend for her birthday. Love you girl.
My oldest son asking me to bake him white chocolate macadamia nut cookies to mail to him. He likes my baking!
Seeing my Mom and how well she's doing with her weight loss.
Paying off another credit card. Only 1 more to go.
Holding the cutest newborn for long periods of time while talking to his new momma.
Taking Jackson for a bike ride around the neighborhood and making stops at the park to play. It's so awesome. Especially when we race to go down the big slide.
Making time to visit the zoo in a few weeks. I can't wait.
Being told that the salads that I make everyday at work look pretty. They taste good too, in my opinion.
Making tentative plans to go to New Orleans after tax season is over with a few ladies. I'm probably more excited than is necessary.
Having someone come out this Sunday to quote a price to help me build my own garden.
Taking Jackson to see Elmo Live this Sunday. I can't wait to see his face.
Driving my Mom's Smart car and having people smile. It's a car that makes everyone smile.
Giving my dog, Emma, belly rubs and knowing that she's in total nirvana.
Knowing that tax season is over in just a few short weeks. (About 7 to be almost exact.)

Internet Dating.

2009-02-17T12:21:00.003-06:00

Do you guys remember my horror stories about online dating? Apparently I haven't taken enough abuse so I'm at it again. I've found some handsome, sweet-sounding men so far. No dates yet, but I've had some really interesting messages. One guys told me that it was important to have sex very soon after meeting because it was the key to a lasting relationship. I politely declined and told him good luck on his booty call search. (I wonder what will happen when his junks doesn't work as well as it used it. Will he then learn the art of conversation?)

I got a message today that made me laugh out loud. If they wasn't 45 I would have probably responded. Although he is a little crazy sounding:

"I cannot, cannot, cannot use chopsticks. Now I refuse to. Otherwise it takes about 4 hours to eat my meal. That's if I get any. My food's usually sprayed around the restaurant. Nearby diners spend the evening picking my chow mein from their clothes, eyebrows and nostrils. The fortune cookie's a farce. Mine always says "You are still very hungry". The wait-staff suppress giggles when they give me my bill. Sometimes I take the bus for the adventure. A few days ago, I sat beside this HUGE old black lady who offered me some home-baked raisin bread. She rummaged through 3 big trash bags and, after a few close shaves with an excitable chihuahua, produced it. She said that if I knew Jesus, I could have some. I didn't want the bread but denying Jesus didn't sound too promising either. I mean, I like Jesus but he LOVES me so it's a bit awkward. As I quietly panicked, she dinged the bell and ordered me to carry her bags off the bus. I precariously lumbered her trash bags, careful to cause as little bodily harm as possible to fellow passengers. When I got back to my seat, she'd left me some raisin bread anyway. I fed it to the dog. Never did like chihuahuas."

So, as you snuggle with your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend or whatever, please keep me in mind. I'll be out there pounding the e-mails to find my love. He's GOT to be out there somewhere. He's just really really hard to find.

Bummed

2009-02-14T19:12:00.005-06:00

Derick moved to be with Dad barely 1 month and a half ago. I talk to him on the phone almost every single day. I miss the kid.

Last week we talked about him coming home for the summer and he said he was going to come here for the whole summer and I was all sorts of excited because there's that missing him business. I mentally planned hiking at this cool new place that's close to our house by the lake, Six Flags, lost of walks around the neighborhood, playing outside with both kids and just generally hanging out. In my head it was going to be perfect and I was pumped.

Now I'm just feeling beat down. He just called me and said that his Dad has plans for them this summer and he thinks he'd like to just come home for "10 days". I get 10 days and that's it. I can't force him to stay if he doesn't want to, but it sure does make me feel like I don't matter as much as his Dad.

Bummed to the 100Th degree.

The story about the weight loss (via rambling thoughts)

2009-02-09T16:59:00.004-06:00

I am so close to my weight loss goal. I can literally taste it. I am actually at around the same weight I was before I had Jackson but things have shifted so pre-baby clothes just don't fit the same. My hips are wider and my tush is, well, saggier. It probably isn't really, but it feels like it is!

Several years ago I joined Weight Watchers and I got to a respectable 126 pounds and wore a size 6 or 8, depending. My goal this time around is to get to between 130 and 135. 126 was just too difficult to maintain for me.

While I was away taking Derick to live with his Dad I stuffed my self full of things I knew weren't healthy in such massive proportions but I was stressed and tired and bummed and I just didn't care. Since I've been back I've taken control of my crazy out of control eating habit that I had formed over a week and I've shed about 8 pounds. It was tough work, but I feel better and my jeans aren't angry with me anymore.

I joined an online Biggest Loser competition that's been motivating me to really do it right this time. I took before photos in my sports bra and skin tight workout pants and let's just say that I had no idea that I had fat in places that one can't see when I'm dressed. Obviously I won't be posting those pictures here. I'm not that brave. But it made me realize that even though I'm considered "normal" weight for my height that I'm not where I need to be in regards to losing the excess fat I've accumulated.

Additionally, I have been so non-consistent with the exercising and it's annoying me. Now that I'm back to working full time (and then some) it's less and less appealing to go straight from work to go exercise. I attempting jogging last week and it was brutal. I made it only 1 mile before my legs started cramping. To be honest, I didn't stretch before hand (first mistake) and I hadn't done hardly any cardio exercises in weeks (second mistake) so I was ill prepared to start back up again.

I bought this awesome iPhone app called Loseit! that tracks my calories and exercise for the day and it's the best thing I've use so far. I always have my phone with me so it's an essential tool that I am so glad that I found.

The misconception seems to be that vegans are mostly thin people and that is just not true. I have a wealth of foods that are available to me and some are less than the picture of health. In fact, when I first became vegan I (wrongly) assumed that I'd drop the excess pounds in the blink of an eye. WRONG. Now I make it a point to eat raw fruits and vegetables for most of my meals. Salads and fruit smoothies are a staple that show up almost every single day of the week.

I know that I will forever struggle with my weight (it's a family trait) so I'm trying my hardest to control it without it controlling me.

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P.S. Rebecca....your gift card will be there soon! I've been forgetful, blame it on the workload. :)

Internet sites I love.

2009-02-06T13:44:00.005-06:00

I've been too busy lately to come up with a proper blog post so I'm giving you websites I love. Share yours too if you want. I can always use new things to look at and learn about.

The PPK - want to join a message board that answers every question about vegan's? Here's your place to go.

Someecards - On the prowl for tacky, rude and hilariously funny ecards? Here's the best site.

Red Carpet Fashion Awards - I, for one, love looking at pretty people in pretty clothes.

Project Rungay - I love this blog. I hope that Project Runway comes back soon so I can hear more witty things about the designers.

Have Cake Will Travel - OK, so I love this blog, but I LOVE this particular recipe so much. It takes time to make, but it's so worth it.

KIOSK - Cool stuff to buy. 'Nuff said.

Hostels.com - Someday I'll take a vacation far away in the world and I'll do it with friends or alone if I have to. Someday.

Perpetual Kid - Everyone knows a kid or a grown up who acts like a kid. They might appreciate a gift from this site. Or maybe you can find something for yourself.

Velocity Art And Design - It's just a cool site for cool home stuff.

Rattle-N-Roll - I really want a poster for Jackson. This site is so awesome.

PostSecret - I've been enjoying this blog for several years. It makes me cry, laugh, and everything in between.

Two years ago today

2009-02-02T10:25:00.000-06:00

Two years ago today I was a large mass of pregnancy. I'm sure I waddled around in my elastic waisted pants that were straining under the pressure. I probably hadn't seen my toes or shaved my legs in months. I'm positive that I had to roll out of bed instead of just hopping up, I probably had to have a heaving push from the backside. My face was swollen and I had perpetual acne on my chin that wouldn't go away. I wore a size 2x zippered hoodie as a coat because I refused to purchase a maternity coat. My soon-to-be-born baby's room was ready for him. His clothes were washed and the thank you cards had been written. All that I needed was for my little bundle to make his appearance.

He was already late, weeks late, and I was getting anxious to see this little guy. Every day I tried a new method to get him to come on out from his cozy little home he'd made himself. I tried walking around the neighborhood and even the halls of my own house late into the night. I bounced on an exercise ball for hours. I tried herbal pills and drank Castor Oil. Spicy foods and stripping of the membranes made the list also. I tried it all, even sex. He was a stubborn little shit to say the least. I never had one single contraction that I felt.

My plan was to have him at home and I was so excited at the prospect of not having to be in a hospital. Everything was ready for him at home, we had our plan all set up and ready to put it into action.
But the funny thing about plans? Sometimes they fall by the wayside. My youngest son's birth was the exact opposite of my plan. I had drugs that I didn't want. I was cut up instead of using my body to deliver him and I definitely didn't plan on spending four of the longest ever days in a hospital.
My son is two years old today, February 2, and ya know what? The waiting and plan changes and the new scars on my body are so not even important. The cool thing about being a Mom is that all the bad, icky stuff you kind of forget about when this little life with 10 fingers and 10 toes and a hearty scream is introduced to you.
The last two years have flown by so fast that I can hardly believe the changes my little man has made. He talks in sentences and can count to ten almost without messing up. He knows a few colors and just learned how to put his own shoes on yesterday. He loves to be tickled and play peek-a-boo. His book of choice right now is "The Best Mouse Cookie". He asks for it almost every single night. "Mouse Cookie", he says repeatedly until he's got his little hands on the book. "That's Not My Dragon" is another favorite. And many others that fill his bookshelf. He asks to see his Grandma, Papa, Grammy and Pappy on a regular basis. He knows his Grandparent's houses and lights up when he sees that we are visiting. He has never met a stranger in his life and says hi to almost everyone. His meltdowns are of epic proportions and the tears are fatter than ever. But the hugs are forthcoming and the kisses are sweet, even though he sometimes sticks his tongue out.
He always says "Me pat you" when it's time to go to bed because he wants me to pat him. "Me rock you" is often another request. He asks "Are you hungry?" when he wants to tell me that he's hungry. He requests "something else" all time after he's eaten one thing and is ready for another. He frequently wears his mommies shoes and I frequently take pictures of him wearing his mommies shoes. He blows kisses and makes a really loud "Muuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhhh" sound that I adore.
He hates when I brush his teeth and loves to chew on the toothbrush. He watches the movie "Cars" over and over and over again. He loves to be stark naked and run around the house yelling "Me running!". Slides are one of his favorite outdoor toys and he's never met a bouncy ball he didn't love. He sometimes cries for a balloon when we are at the grocery store and on the occasion that he gets a balloon he always tries to lick it. He's got his own 'chapstick' that he puts on all by himself and only occasionally does he attempt to eat it, but only after he's applied large amounts on his cheeks and up his nose.
He's just a cool ass kid and I'm so privileged to be his mom, to call him my son. When he smiles at me and kisses me and realizes that I'm laughing because he made me laugh, my heart swells and my chest puffs out and I know that I am one lucky lady.

Happy second birthday my little Bobee. You own a part of my heart and I'm glad that someone decided to let me be your mom. I sure did luck out.

Friday musings

2009-01-30T14:37:00.002-06:00

Observations and stuff I think is important:

Always bring the shoes you are going to wear when you get your pants tailored. If you don't you might end up with high waters. Or a flood.
Ed Hardy stuff is just fugly. Unless you use it be purposely flashy.
Making a decision on bedding is seemingly impossible. Hiring a decorator is looking mighty tempting.
Teaching a dog to stop sleeping on your feet and on a dog bed on the floor is almost impossible.
It's still possible to have a disaster zone of a house even with only a grown up and a toddler living there.
Amazon.com should pay royalties for those people who order from them the most.
iPhone love is still there and still hanging on strong.
Mailing care packages across the country to your 13-year-old is so fun. Especially when you pack freshly baked cookies and a new pair of shoes.
It's possible to be addicted to pretty underthings and need to throw away some of them because the drawer is filled to capacity.
You've reached new heights when you watch the very last DVR'd show and feel the world closing in on you because you have to watch live TV.

Wouldn't you know it

2009-01-26T11:25:00.004-06:00

So I had this great plan to redo my bedroom . I bought all the new bedding and it's currently sitting in the original packaging on my bedroom floor until I get the surge of energy to paint the room and get to it already. I admit I've been lazy in the makeover department.

Then an intervention happened. I got the new glossy 167 page Pottery Barn catalog. Normally Pottery Barn is too beige and bland for me but something happened to them and they added brightly colored gorgeous bed linens and I'm torn.

One the one hand I have this perfectly (nonreturnable) lovely set of bed linens and a plan to go with these linens. And on the other hand I have found bed linens that I feel like are more my style. What to do?!

Help me choose please.

Here is the original bedding. It's a lovely shade of a blue/green and I think it's perfectly acceptable. I purchased a lovely set of high count crisp white sheets to break up the color a bit.

Then I saw this set and I just love the patchwork with the shades of blue and green. I doggy-eared the page in the Pottery Barn catalog within seconds of seeing this set.

Then! Then I went to the website and fell in love with the large, bright flowers and the crisp white in the background.

Then I stumbled across this and I also love the big beautiful floral print that's not to sweet looking. I'm also drawn to the oranges.

So you see, readers. I'm torn and I don't know what to do. Help, please. What would you choose?

His skin color doesn't really matter to me

2009-01-20T13:48:00.002-06:00

When I stood in line to cast my vote just a few short months ago, I didn't base it on skin color. I put no thought into which candidates matched my skin tone the best or which one had the same hair texture as my own. I didn't check the box because I wanted to elect a black or white or mixed man. I voted for who would change the United States that my children live in.

When Barack Obama won the Presidency just a few short months ago I didn't care that he was African American. I didn't care what shade of brown he was. I didn't care that his children and wife are African American. It simply doesn't matter to me. Obama doesn't represent a color to me. He represents something much larger than a shade on a color wheel.

When I watched the inauguration this morning I stayed true to my non-caring ways. The color of my President's skin makes no difference to me. Every time I heard this was a momentous occasion I nodded my head because truly it was a momentous occasion because we had a renewed spirit, not a skin color change. I just don't care that my President is black. I don't care.

I do care that he's brought young and old together, rich and poor, hopeful and the destitute. I care that people who have never paid attention to their government are now paying a little closer attention. I care that President Obama represents a new beginning, a new change and a new face with a fresh set of eyes. I care that we, as a nation, have finally looked past the skin color and gotten to the core of a man.

Skin color makes no difference to me, I just simply don't care about it.

Winners

2009-01-19T09:49:00.003-06:00

First, thanks to all of you who commented to win a $25 gift card of your choice to Target, iTunes, Barnes & Noble or Ebay. My official way of selecting you was to Instant Message a friend and ask her to pick a number between 1 and 21. She was totally bummed that she didn't pick her own number but I'm excited to reveal the winner, Mrs. R!! She just recently moved across the country and I think this will help her cheer up a little. Spending a few dollars is always a great little pick-me-up. I just need to know which gift card you'd like and where to mail it to. My e-mail address is sunflower99 [at] swbell dot com. Congrats!

Also, I have a story about another winner. Me.

My family went on a week long cruise several years ago when Derick was younger. He was just old enough that I let him explore around the ship alone if I knew where he'd be. If you've never been a cruise I'll tell you that they are constantly giving away things and having presentations and the like.

One day Derick attended a jewelry presentation (out of boredom maybe?) and he entered to win a diamond ring. My mom happened to be there and she knew he had entered. After sitting with my mom for a while I suppose the droning on about clarity and cut got the best of Derick and he headed to the pool. Shortly thereafter they drew names for the diamond ring and Derick actually won. But of course he had to be present and he was busy gallivanting and soaking up the sun as kids do.

He told me later, after he found out that he'd been called on, that he was going to give me the ring if he won it. And even though I was a loser of the diamond ring I was totally a winner that day.

Rant and a Rave

2009-01-16T10:15:00.003-06:00

RANT:

Today was my first official day to start working what will be my normal work hours. It's tax season which is my source of income and irritation. Instead of coming in to work at a leisurely 10am I now have to be in my office at 9am. Now for those of you who get up at 4am and drive 3 hours to work and still manage to make it there by 7, good for you. I'm not that person.

I set my alarm for exactly one hour earlier than I had gotten up yesterday. I figured I'd keep the routine the exact same and I'd sail through the morning. Big fat HELL NO. First, I hadn't factored in the traffic. Apparently A LOT of people need to be at work when I do and there is only one road that leads out of my subdivision which means that every single commuter was waiting at the same stop sign I was.

I also did not factor in the train that may or may not stop on the tracks for 10 minutes. I was on the ass end of that traffic line also.

Also, school zones. SHIT. I forgot about school zones. I don't want to run the little kiddies over so I obey and slow it down, but it puts me even behinder (it's my new word.)

In short, I now have to rise and shine an hour and a half earlier which means I'll be getting up at 6:30am and dear readers, I just don't understand how anyone can get up at 6:30am and expect to be pleasant.

RAVE:

Car dancing. Have you car danced in a while? Last night I was driving home from the gym, my muscles all tired from an extra long weight training session and the new Pink song "So What" came on and my one non-driving hand flew up in the air and started flailing around and my torso started gyrating in my seat and I was totally getting down in the car.

I hadn't car danced in forever and man it was so much fun. I was just glad that it was totally dark outside so no one could see me and call the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure or simply a crazy lady.

For fun I used to get in the car and drive nowhere with the windows down and the music blaring and car dancing to whatever song happened to come on. I miss those carefree days, but it was awesome to get a taste of that for just a few minutes.

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Thanks to everyone who wished me Happy bloggiversary!! I'll be choosing a name on Monday so there's still time to tell your friends to come leave a comment and maybe win a prize!

I am not detail oriented

2009-01-13T14:30:00.004-06:00

Someone commented on a blog post weeks ago telling happy bloggiversary and I was all, Huh? Smoking crack, what? They must have me confused with someone else, I thought. I distinctly remember looking recently and I had over 100 days left.

Uh, so apparently I was wrong. I missed my very own one year bloggiversary! Technically it wasn't my real bloggiversary because I started a lame-o MySpace blog on December 27, 2004. But then I moved over to a real blog platform October 13, 2007. So basically I'm 4 MONTHS behind on celebrating my bloggiversary.

If you haven't noticed, I am not that into the little details. Obviously.

In celebration of having my little corner of the Internets for over a year I'd like to do my very first giveaway. You leave me a sweet comment, or a nasty one if you so choose, and in turn I will select one random person to send a prize to. But please note, if you leave a nasty comment I'll have to send you something like a lump of coal or a dirty diaper from a two-year-old and no one wants one of those.

The prize will be one gift card in the amount of $25 to one of the following places: Target, iTunes, Barnes & Noble or Ebay, your choice.

So there ya have it. Happy late bloggiversary to MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Getting it off my chest and then putting it right back where it was

2009-01-12T11:16:00.003-06:00

I stress about posting blogs which makes it no fun for me. I stress that I don't write well enough. I worry that the few readers I do have will roll their eyes when they read what I write. I cringe when I see I only have 2 comments on a blog post when I've spent a long time writing something. I know I don't write that great, not enough to have hundreds of followers and it gets to me. Sure, my Mom and Grandma tell me I write well, but they are required to tell me those things, right?

No more. I'm tired of stressing about perfect grammar, spelling and punctuation. It's not that important to me in the grand scheme of things. Why would it be? It's just a waste of my time to worry about things I have so very little control over. I have no intention of making a career of writing so why on earth does it matter?

Hi, my name is Kristie and I don't write that well and I talk about things that, for the most part, don't matter to others, but that matter to me. There. I said it.

On to bigger and better things.

Since last Wednesday I have been eating mostly raw foods. The #1 reason I choose to do this was because I ate so unhealthily while I was gone for a week. I was away from home and it threw my off balance and basically I survived on junk food. But I was hoping that as an added bonus I would lose a pound or two.

Oh hell no, is what my body said to losing a few pounds. I actually gained almost 3 pounds. EATING FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. What the hell. Granted I ate some nuts and raisins and avocados and drank some fruit juice but it's not like I ate 7 avocados loaded with 3 cups of nuts and washed it down with a gallon of fruit juice. I am so confused. Why is my body being so hateful to me?

On the plus side I do feel lighter and less chemically laden from all the junk I had eaten. I enjoy salads even more and I found some really good recipes for raw foods that I plan on using again and again. I've found the love for green smoothies that I never thought I'd find. Who knew that adding greens to a smoothie could taste so good and be so healthy.

I'm curious to know if any of you have done any raw food cleanses or if you have a raw food recipe you'd like to share. Or maybe you just want to tell me that salads are the devil. Whatever you want, I'm not picky.

Kristie + New Years Resolutions = FAIL

2009-01-09T10:26:00.002-06:00

I try and make a point to never make New Years resolutions because I know me and I know that the length of time I last with my resolution is about the same length of time I keep most men around. Hey, wait, should my new years resolution should be to keep a man around? Meh, that's too much.

Moving on!

I have one single new years resolution. It encompasses many different areas of my life. It can be as complicated or as simple as I feel like making it. But it is something I must follow through with or I will be breaking my resolution. It's such a simple thing, but I struggle with it everyday. It's time to stop making life harder for myself and get on with the being a grown up.

My one and only resolution for the year 2009 is to stop procrastinating. I put things off and set them on the proverbial shelf only to come back to a larger mess than I started with. Classic example: Yesterday I walked by my large bookcase in my living room and saw that a book had fallen to the floor and instead of picking it up and putting it back where it belonged I lazily pushed it aside with my big toe. It's still sitting there right now but now the cover is bent. Seriously, how hard would it have been to bend over and pick the stupid book up?

I often set important work things aside that I really should do at that moment but for some reason I just can't talk myself into just getting it over with. When I am faced with the very last moment to complete a work task I always get it done, but boy does it take some internal wrestling to make my brain get to it already. I always feel better when I get a project done or even a small task and I sit and wonder why I just didn't do it earlier when I have the chance to.

In short, I'm going to stop being such a lazy ass. I work more efficiently under pressure so I think I let things build up until they just have to be dealt with and I am left with no choice. The other thing is that I think I work better under pressure but maybe if I just stop putting things off that I'll find that life runs more smoothly if I just keep on top of things.

This resolution includes my home life, work life and everything in between. It's going to be a struggle to keep up with this new fangeled way of living. But I really think I need to take these new steps to be more successful and less stressed. And the first step to starting this resolution is to pick up that damn book already.

Home sweet home

2009-01-07T10:23:00.003-06:00

First I want to thank the three lovely ladies who filled in for me while I was away. Jennie is a wonderful friend and I'm insanely lucky to call her one. Danielle is one of those people that reminds you that there are excellent quality people still in the world. Jess has the kindhearted spirit that just makes me calmer. Thank you ladies, I really appreciate you stepping in for me.

This past week ran the gamut of emotions. Taking your 13-year-old son 1,300 miles away to live with his Dad just plain 'ol sucks. I saw his new home, met his new teachers, took him to his nearest Walmart to get school supplies and snacks, admired the mountain top view from his home, and cried buckets when his new school denied him access to be a student because of the bureaucracy that exists. (It's still a work in progress to get him in school. But it's even more delayed because of the bad weather there and school's being closed.)

We had some good times during our week together. We played many games of Scrabble, one of which I won using the word 'sex'. We had our tarot cards read by my aunt and laughed with her because her neighbors were so loud on New Years Eve that our butts were vibrating in our chairs. We ate takeout pizza and overpriced Italian food. We spent lots of time at the Book Loft in German Village in Columbus, Ohio. We got lost about a million times in the downtown streets of Cumberland, MD. We watched the same Star Wars movie twice and high-fived each other when we drove from one location to another location without needing the GPS to guide us.

I'm gonna miss that kid for sure and I know that won't go away anytime soon but I think what I'm doing is the right thing. Hopefully in 10 years I'll look back and pat myself on the back because I'll know then that this, moving my son so far away, is the best choice. Please, please let that be the case.

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The one constant of the whole trip was the permanent knot that took up residence in my stomach. I'm sure that had something to do with the massive amounts of crap I ate. Mix that with stress and you have an unhappy body. Being vegan doesn't always equate to healthy and that was never more the case than on this trip.

In an effort to calm the beast in my belly and rid myself of all the junk I'm attempting a "Kristie" version of a fasting or cleanse diet. I've loaded up on fresh fruits, veggies, 100%juices, raw nuts and teas. I am going to try for a 10 day goal. Who knows if it will work, but it's got to be better than eating Taco Bell and Swedish Fish, right?

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Gah! Where is my brain! I forgot to mention that I got to spend some time bargain shopping with the always adorable, Katie. We are bonded forever because we both bought the same makeup bag at J. Crew. Thanks for the company, Katie, I had a blast!

the traveler

2009-01-05T10:27:00.003-06:00

Hi, I'm Raven from Just Expressive and Kristie asked me to help out today with a guest post; it's my first, so be gentle okay? Haha!

I wasn't sure what I would post about but decided that the best thing to discuss is what you know, right? Well, what I know right now is TRAVEL. I am chomping at the bit for a vacation. Usually in January, we go to the cabins (Hideout on Horseshoe, New Braunfels, TX) for my birthday, but I think we aren't going to be able to make that happen this year.

Following the birthday trip, we usually take a larger trip later in the year. In the past it's been my home state of Arizona for a friend's wedding (or honestly just because, I will go home any chance I get). Last year it was Orlando for my son's 13th birthday. We had a phenomenal time and I highly recommend ANYONE get to Discovery Cove at least once in your life. It was an amazing experience and worth every penny.

Today I am on my bargain sites searching for this year's deals. I enjoy this process, I enjoy figuring out where we can go for how much money. I enjoy narrowing down our selection and coming up with fun activities that will keep us occupied while we are wherever we are going. Every year we try to go someplace we have never been before or do something we have never done before and this year it seems we are going to try Denver, CO. It's amazing how inexpensive the packages have been this morning. Originally we thought Seattle, but we might wait on that until the Sprog (my son) is a little older so he'll get more out of it, which will offset the cost a bit. I don't want to invest that amount of money for him to be bored. Teenagers can be such a joy ;-)

You may wonder how we are able to go on these trips given the state of our economy right now and I have a relatively simple answer: savings. We have money that is immediately deducted from my husband's paycheck and sent over to a savings account earmarked only for this purpose. Travel is a priority for me and that is the way my husband came up with, to make it happen; I am insanely grateful for the opportunities that has allowed us. Sprog is getting to see much of our country, experience new things and we get such great quality time as a family sans the stressors of real life. We have a very close relationship as a family and I think part of that has to do with these trips (along with the family game nights but that's another post).

I can't wait until June! The more I research, the more excited I get.

So now it's your turn to share! Have you been to Denver? What did you think of it? What activities would you recommend? Do you have another suggestion that I should look at instead? Is travel a priority in your life too? Is it something that is really no biggie? Do you use a travel agent or bargain sites like Hotwire or Expedia?

Anyway, thanks for reading and maybe I'll see you flying the friendly skies somewhere!

edit: I just realized that I never mentioned how I know Kristie. Through travel of course! I met her at BlogHer this year; she was one of my 3 fabulous roommates! I've actually known her online longer than that, through a music site, but I met her in person for the first time in San Francisco, even though we both live in Texas. How funny!

The things we do

2009-01-03T21:48:00.009-06:00

Hi there! I'm Danielle from A Little Left of Lost. Kristie asked me to guest blog today, while she is off lounging at a whimsical bed and breakfast. Of course, I agreed, because I am sweet like that, and also a bit of a sucker.

For a bit of background info, Kristie and I went to high school together. I think we have agreed that we knew each other, or rather, knew of each other, but I don't think we hung out or anything. A couple of years ago, I saw her on Myspace (I know, I know). She was dating one of my old friends, and ultimately had the most precious, smooshy-cheeked boy (whom I just want to squeeze) with him. Anyway, she was my only blog reader on Myspace. She read me faithfully, and she convinced me to move my blog to a blogging site (yes, I am so sure all of you will thank her!).

When we first started talking, I couldn't help but feel that she probably had tons of friends, was a very busy woman, who probably didn't need another friend. But that wasn't the case. She asked me to meet her for lunch. She called me randomly. We went shopping at the Funky Monkey. We chatted, texted, and talked to one another while driving home. We've even baked together, and played Wii. And well, here we are!: I'm guest posting, and rambling on! (But really, I adore Kristie, and am so very glad we are friends!) On to the actual post!

I figured I would take this opportunity to blog about something that I couldn't talk about on my own blog. See, I have random family members who have found my blog, and I don't feel so comfortable talking about family stuff now. I know that they would read it and use it as ammo against me. It's just how they are.
Specifically, I'm trying to avoid my paternal cousin and one of my paternal aunts reading this. You see, my father is a complicated man. And my love for him is equally complicated. When I was little, he was 'my hero', and I would say that he was 'as smart as a rocket scientist'. We were close, 9 times out of 10. It was that 1 time out of 10 that really threw me for a loop. My father yelled, ranted, raved, screamed, and then pouted. He said hurtful things. He was irrational, and there was no talking to him during these times. It was hard to get away from him.
It was that 1 time out of 10 that made it hard to love him.
Over the past couple of years, things have become more complicated with my father. Some would call his behavior that of someone going through a mid-life crisis; others would say he appears mentally unstable, and could use some medication. He was fired from his job in 2007. He has made the idea of hiring him pretty difficult for possible employers. He cashed in some of his 401K, started a lawn and remodeling business, and dealt with a handful of stressful situations with his wife.
During this time, he has become more narcissistic, more selfish, more painful to deal with. He says things without thinking of the consequences, of the people he could hurt. He does things without thinking. He seems sad, lonely, angry, and looking for comfort, yet no amount of comfort can ease him.
My father has always been all of these things, but now they are amplified. And now, as an adult, with my own child, I am having to mediate, smooth things over, when my father is around.
I have to hide my alcohol. I have to watch his reactions to my daughter, lest his feelings get hurt by a 3 1/2 year old, and he lash out at her. I have to laugh off things, ignore statements...things I don't find funny; things I don't want to ignore. I have to avoid his phone calls when he is stalking me, because I just don't have the energy to deal with him every damn day. And I have to hear the disappointment in his voice when I say that I have other plans, or that my girl is napping and can't have a visitor right now.
I have to listen to my in-laws say hurtful things about him. I have to watch my husband avoid eye contact with my father, because he knows if he looks at my father, he may say something that will either upset me or my father. He doesn't want to hurt me by hurting my father.
But worst of all, I have to deal with my own emotions, my own reactions, my pain, frustration, fear, and anger. I love my father. I truly do. But my patience is wearing thin. I am sick of doing all of these things. I am sick of feeling this way. I am sick of the situation. The weight of it is excruciating and suffocating.
But.
These are the things we do for those we love. It's unbearable at times. The pain, anger, shame, exhaustion. But I believe that true love is defined as that love we have for someone in spite of all of these things.
I worry about hurting my father. I worry about alienating my other family members by defending my father, especially at times when I don't even feel he deserves the defense. Mostly, I worry that I will one day do this to my own children, without meaning to.
All I can hope for is more strength and patience. All I can do is pray for peace in both his life and in my heart.

Happy 2009 to you!

2009-01-01T18:31:00.015-06:00

Well, hello there! And Happy New Year to Momma K readers! I hope you have spent your first day of 2009 eating black-eyed peas or nursing a very well-earned hangover, but definitely not chained to your desk at work.

Kristie, as you may or may not know, is off on a road trip of sorts, and she has asked me to fill in for her today. And I am Jennie of She Likes Purple, but, what's more, I'm a friend of Kristie's. Not just in the blogosphere -- although those friends are invaluable, I can attest -- but in "real life", as well. I came to know Kristie in a rather unconventional way and you can read about that here or here, but no matter how we came to be friends, I am honored to know her, and she's one of the most fantastic people you could ever hope to meet.

So, I wanted to come here today to talk a little bit about resolutions. I'm torn on how I feel about this new years tradition because on the one, ambitious hand, I like the idea of putting out into the universe either through a blog post or a hand-written list or just a verbal acknowledgment how you'd like to improve yourself and your life in the new year but on the other, more pessimistic hand, I never, ever keep my resolutions. Just never. And why continue on with something with such a pathetic track record. Isn't that one such definition of insanity? Going about doing the same things expecting brand-new results? Each and every year I make "lose the weight!" resolutions and each year wraps up with me shaking my head and declaring "now, next year will be the year!" When will I learn, right? But I still kind of like the tradition, and I've been moved to make a few resolutions for 2009. I thought I'd share them here today and you could share yours with me.

1. Lose the weight! -- Oh, I kill myself. But, really, this year is slightly different than any other because I won't just be shedding those pesky 10 lingering pounds, I'll be (attempting to) shed the pounds I've packed on since getting pregnant mid-2008. My (first) baby is due this February (wow, next month) and once he's out, all those Reese's peanut butter cups can no longer be blamed on the growing boy in my belly. I have spent the better part of this pregnancy feeling rather uncomfortable in my skin, watching everything just grow and stretch and sigh under the newly-put-on weight, and I'm officially ready to be in shape, with a defined waist. Sure, I may end up disappointing myself yet again, but I hope not. I'm crossing my sausage-like fingers.

2. Maintain some sort of personal identity -- So, I mentioned I'm having a baby, right? Right. And he's my first (other than one very spoiled vizsla), and I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do as a first-time mother. I have visions of doing it coolly and calmly and I have visions of curling up in a ball in the corner of our house begging for mercy. I imagine I'll be a mix of both, and I'm not all that concerned, really, but I do know I don't want to lose myself in the role. This baby is a gift I prayed for, wanted, tried for, but there are still many things I want to be aside from his mom. I hope when 2009 wraps up, I'll be able to be proud of the way I maintained some semblance of hobbies, interests, desires of my own. We shall see.

3. Embrace that not everyone will or should like me -- This is something we all should learn as early as possible. I'll be 27 in just two days, and I struggle with this daily -- hourly, even! You do not have to like me, and I do not have to do anything differently in order to convince you I'm likable. So easy to type out, right, but so much harder to incorporate into my daily life. I spend too much time worrying about what so-and-so is saying/thinking about me, and it's a curse, really. That stress does nothing for me, and it's about time I let it all go. I don't think it'll be easy, but I do think it'll make me a better wife, friend and mother.

4. Read more -- I work in publishing, I have a degree in English, I own hundreds of books. Yet, given the choice between a night with my DVR and a night curled up with a good book, I have to admit the book rarely wins. I want my son to enjoy reading, and I think the only way to really pass that passion on is to turn the TV off.

So, tell me, what do you hope 2009 brings? What do you want to be proud of when the ball drops on 2010?

Regardless, I hope it's a fantastic year for you and yours. I hope it's your best year yet, in fact.

Insert witty title here

2008-12-23T10:14:00.002-06:00

So, um, have you noticed that I'm not doing well at blogging lately? I'm not the world's best writer and it takes me forever to come up with an idea of what to go on about and then I have to actually remove the idea from my brain and move it to my fingers so it can be disposed of on this here little blog.

My days have been filled with not exercising as much as I'd like and stressing about Derick leaving me and the holidays and a bunch of random stuff that I shouldn't even worry about. So by the time I sit at a computer all I really want to do is read other people's well written blogs and leave unwitty like comments.

In the spirit of being even more lame I fully intend on using bullets. In no particular order...

Derick and I fly out on the 30Th which is exactly 7 days from today. He's been un-enrolled from the school here and enrolled at his new school in Maryland. He's started a massive cleaning effort of his room because I refuse to let him leave me for possibly ever and leave his room looking like it could qualify for a disaster zone and smelling equally gross. I cried for days over him leaving to live with his dad and I'm sure I will cry some more tears but for now I'm focusing on the positive.
On to the positive. I'm potentially going to get to meet a few people that I've known via the Internets for years so I'm excited about that. I also might get to see another blogger that I haven't seen since BlogHer.
I made the vegan cornbread stuffing that was made for the Foo Fighters on Top Chef a few weeks ago. Let's just say that I may have eaten 1/2 of if in one sitting it was that good. (The recipe is worded wrong if anyone feels the need to make this, and you SHOULD. It should say something simple like '6 vegan cornbread muffins'. Also, I used my favorite vegan cornbread recipe and it worked like a dream.)
Speaking of cooking. I made the tastiest oatmeal pumpkin cookies last night. Derick had a friend spending the night last night and when I got up this morning I discovered they had eaten 2 dozen of them all by themselves. I intend on making these again and mailing them to Derick.
Oh! More cooking. OK, it wasn't really cooking, but it did involve cookie sheets and a microwave and chocolate. My lovely friend, Danielle, helped me make dozens of peanut butter cups. Unfortunately I ate all of mine in less than 2 days. Make these and then tell me what you think.
I know it's the holidays and I'm "supposed" to be buying for others but I was all done with the others so I bought some goodies for me. This top looks much better on me than the model, I think. I got it in this plum color and black. I just fell in love with this Nine West bag in Nero. It's been hard to find well made, non-leather bags and I just love this one. I just couldn't resist getting this one too in the Nero color.
I still love my iPhone. I think I've told everyone that it's the best relationship I've ever had. Unlike most of the men I've dated (or been married to) it's reliable, it never lets me down and it never talks back.
Jackson is quite possible the most spoiled almost 2-year-old I've ever known. For Christmas he's getting a tricycle, a swing set, a slide, TONS of toys and clothes, an Elmo Live and I'm sure many other things I don't know about. I stopped buying him stuff when I heard what the Grandparents were getting him.
After this holiday, Derick will have ANOTHER gaming system that he desperately NEEDS. (His words, obviously.) My children never want for anything and I'm not sure if that's a good thing.
I think I won't be asking my cleaning lady to come back. Every time she leaves she makes me feel like I'm living in squalor. There's a reason I pay you! And it's no so you can make me feel bad. Hell, I even clean before she comes!
I'm not looking forward to tax season. We are short one person this year and that means that I will have to make up for it or everyone will suffer. I intended to not work as much so I could spend more time at home with Jackson but now that won't happen and I'm really bummed about it.
I finally got my entire bedding set for my bedroom makeover. I think I've found the paint I will be using and I'd love to get Flor tiles for the rug. It's still a work in progress, but it's coming along nicely.
And finally. Last night I didn't sleep well because my dog, Emma, decided that she could only sleep if she was curled into the tightest little ball and taking up my side of the bed. I swear she was slowly pushing me off the bed to get to my pillow.

Who needs a matching tree? Not me.

2008-12-18T10:42:00.006-06:00

A lot of people decorate their Christmas trees in themes. Red/green themes, Charlie Brown themes, pink/black themes, candy cane themes, etc... I think it's such a cute idea but I could never do it with my Christmas tree. My tree is a cornucopia of mismatched ornaments that span over 30 years. None of them go together and some are missing pieces. There are ornaments I can't remember where they came from and others I have vivid memories of their origins. I have a few favorite ornaments that make me smile every time I unwrap them from their protective encasing every Christmas. It feels like the holiday season when I see these.

It's a bit fuzzy, I know. Ignore my lack of photography skillz. They are obviously lacking. I love how Derick has his hands shoved into his armpits.

Ah Strawberry Shortcake! Maybe my mom can shed some light on this ornament. It's obviously handmade and not a mass produced ornament. I just love her. I used to have all sorts of Strawberry Shortcake things when I was a kid. I specifically remember having a stuffed doll that smelled like strawberries. I'm sure I was inhaling some toxic chemical that has hampered my logical thinking in my later years, but boy did I love that doll.

One of my new favorites. I just adore personalized ornaments and I was thrilled when I got this one that commemorates Jackson's birthday. The resemblance is there, too. He's a little chubby kid like this snowman.

This ornament is so delicate and lovely. Derick's first Christmas was celebrated in 1995 and to mark that occasion my mom got him this gorgeous Wedgwood ornament. It's decorated on both sides and it's just so lovely. I look forward to Derick inheriting this to hang on his tree someday.

It's tough to see but the date on this ornament says "1977". This is my very first ornament. It's seen some wear over the years but it's held up quite nicely. I love this ornament so much.

My oriental Santa. I don't know why, but his eyes remind me of oriental eyes. I just love this Santa. This dates from the mid 80's.

I remember, amazingly, when I got this ornament. I was a teenager and it was one of my last Christmas' that I didn't have to drive to my parent's house. My mom gave this to me as my first ornament to keep and take with me someday. Why McDonald's french fries, I don't know. But I think it's cute.

Derick on a role of toilet paper! It's seen some tough times but this is an cardboard tube with batting and glitter over the top. His hands were traced and glued to the sides and he has a shiny pipe cleaner over the picture of his head to make an angel. Love!

Another Wedgwood ornament. It has no particular significance other than I think it's precious.

Who doesn't love a disco ball for an ornament?

It's not an ornament but I treasure these. Santa's boots that my mom made. On the bottom of one of the boots it says "LR 68". My mom's initials from 1968. When I grabbed these from the box a few weeks ago, I handed them to Derick and told him to pretend that these were the holy grail and be extra SUPER careful with them. (My Christmas card stack is in the background.)

Who needs a fancy stocking? Not when I have my old felt one from when I was a kid.

And finally, one of my Christmas cards (made by my sweet friend Abbie). Happy holidays everyone, whether you celebrate Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or nothing at all. May your season be bright and full of love.

Family and friends and big changes.

2008-12-14T21:41:00.003-06:00

When I was pregnant with Jackson I found a group of lovely women who were pregnant also, with their babies due around the same time. Over the last few years we've supported each other through deaths, births, love lost and found, new home purchases, job losses and recipe success'. We share the mundane and the mighty with each other. We share pictures and the stories of our lives. We mail each other cards and make the occasional phone call and sometimes even pay each other a visit. I've had the pleasure of meeting many of these women face to face and meeting their families and they've met mine. In just a few short weeks I hope to meet two more mommas from my mom's online group and I'm excited and nervous and hopeful that they will accept me and help to comfort me in my time of need. I'll be in Maryland for a few days and I never thought I'd ever be going there and I'll be needing all the support I can get.

You see, my teenager, Derick, has decided to move in with his dad. Since his dad lives over 1,000 miles away I'm completely heartbroken and will need all the support I can get. One of my few silver linings will be those mommas that I will get to meet while I'm far away from home. While I'm obsessing over the fact that I won't be able to turn the corner into the living room and see my oldest son lounging on the sofa wrapped in his ugly, but soft brown blanket that used to be his Great Grandpa's, I know that I can get a hug or two and a few laughs to carry me through.

I've had my son for the better part of his 13 years and I know there comes a time when a son needs his dad and vice versa, I just didn't think that time would come so soon. The need is there for a change and this change will be the best thing, I hope.

I have fears and worries and unnecessary scenarios that run through my head. I worry that my youngest son will forget his older brother. I worry that I'll never have both my boys at home, where they belong, together permanently and not just during a mandatory 2 week visit. I worry that my oldest son will never come home again for good. That he will choose his dad over me forever. See? Unnecessary worries. My head and heart are at war right now and I'm working on making them cooperate and make peace with each other. But man, it sure is tough.

I'm so fortunate to have the parents I do during this time. The support they've shown (and always have shown) carries me through the dark fog. The reason I'm able to take my son to his dad is because of the generosity of my mom and dad. If you ever need a set of caring, loving, generous parents I might consider loaning them out for a short time. They really are my rock. And I hope that in some small way that I am my oldest son's rock. I hope. Even if I am a distant rock.

Online Dating distasters

2008-12-11T11:04:00.002-06:00

No, I'm not dating. I have no hopes to be anytime soon, but I was talking about online dating with Kristin last week and lamenting about some of my online dating disasters. She's venturing out there in the land of the Internet to find love and I've done that too with zero success. But it sure makes for some good stories. Here are my top three worst online dating adventures.

I met a charming man in downtown Fort Worth to have dinner at a local bar/restaurant. He drove a really nice car, was exceedingly handsome and had a really good job. He was a little older than me but I overlooked it because he was just so sweet. I still remember the shoes I wore that night, baby pink, kitten heel, sling back shoes. I still have them in my closet. Anyway, this man was polite and seemed to be someone I could really spend some serious time with. We sat down to dinner and made small talk about our jobs and children (he had none) and our pets. He asked if I wanted to see a picture of his dog and of course I said yes. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and showed me a picture that he carried with him at all times. I remember thinking how sweet it was that he loved his dog so much. That shows character, to me. After I said all the right things about his cute pup I gave him the picture back and I wrongly assumed the picture would be placed back into his wallet and we'd move on to other things. He gently placed this picture of his beloved dog on the table and proceeded to talk to the picture during our entire dinner conversation.

Crazy dog guy: "Oh, little princess, you are sooooooooo cute! Who's daddy's girl? You're daddy's girl!"

Me: ????

Needless to say I never went out with him or his dog again.

:::::::::

The next disaster date actually took time to turn into a disaster. I had been on three dates with this man, he had met my family and my son. I'd even made out with him twice. (Hey, no judging!) I found him attractive and a good dad to his two children from what he'd told me. He had a fairly good job in a good field and I was hopeful that our relationship was growing. We had made plans to go on a 4Th date and I was really looking forward to it. The 4Th date's a big deal, right? Hours before we were to meet I got a phone call from him:

Dude, who's an idiot: Hey, I've got to cancel for tonight, I need to meet Mary.

Me: Huh? Mary?

DWAI: Yea, Mary Jane, we have a date.

Me: Who's Mary Jane?

DWAI: You know. Mary Jane.

Me: Wait. You mean like pot? You are cancelling our date to get pot?

DWAI: Don't judge me, you don't even know me.

Me: Later, jackass.

The next day I got an e-mail from him that said that I shouldn't judge him just because he has children and smoked a little pot now and then. I wrote him back and told him it was OK, I didn't mind getting cancelled on in place of getting DRUGS.

:::::::::

And now for my last online dating disaster. I swear, people, I cannot even make this shit up if I tried.

I'd talked to "Jeff" a few time on the phone to hammer out the details of our first date. It annoyed me that I was always on speaker phone when I talked to him, but I didn't make that my deal breaker because that would be a petty reason. We decided to meet in downtown Fort Worth to get dinner and head over to the Bass Performance hall to see a musical that was playing. I'm cultured enough to agree to that and I was looking forward to it. As I made my way down the long city block Jeff called me on my cell phone and asked if I was almost there and I told him I was about to cross such-and-such street and I'd be there in just a minute. He told me he was at the same intersection but across the street from me. I took inventory of the people across the street to check him out at a distance first. I saw a man in a wheelchair, another man walking briskly in the wrong direction and a woman waiting to cross the street. I was sure Jeff was confused, or maybe I was, as to where we were supposed to meet. That was until the man in the wheelchair smiled a big smile at me and called out my name. I crossed the street, still dumbfounded and I decided that I would proceed with my date. It was the least I could do, or so I thought. I had no idea that I'd be cutting his food into tiny pieces, or pouring his drink into a special cup that he could use. I didn't realize that we would get handicapped seating for our show or that it would dawn on me midway through the show that he never needed to go to the restroom. He was a quadriplegic (due to a childhood accident) and failed to tell me. Now I knew why I was always on speaker phone and it annoyed me that I'd be lied to by omission. As kind and interesting he was I just couldn't fathom caring for someone the way he needed to be cared for. I had a 5-year-old at the time. He was supremely angry when I told him I just couldn't date him. As if.

Jeff was my last online dating experience and will likely be my last. I fully intend on meeting someone in person at a local drug free rally for cat lovers who don't carry photos of their cats with them.

Oh, also, these were my top three dating disasters. But also, they were my ONLY online dating experiences. I have awful luck apparently.

I'd love to hear your online dating disasters. Please tell me I'm not the only one.

It's good to be Queen

2008-12-09T10:35:00.003-06:00

Exercise has always been one of those things that I know I should do but I've never really been motivated to do it. Sure I've joined my share of gyms and purchased a decent amount of workout gear. I've made the effort to exercise for a week or two and then life always seems to get in the way. Or maybe I get in my own way. That's probably more like it. We are our own worst enemies, aren't we?

Something shifted a few months ago and I stopped getting in my own way. I stopped making excuses for why I couldn't get the exercise I knew I needed. I still have days when I lace up my shoes a little slower than usual and I sometimes still reduce the speed on the treadmill even though I know I am capable of much more. But most days I work out everyday. I started running not long ago and the first time I ran I made it a quarter of a mile before I thought I might pass out. Just last Sunday I ran almost 2 and a half miles and I probably could have kept going if I wouldn't have needed to be somewhere.

The first time I ran an entire mile without stopping tears actually came to my eyes because I had done it! Even in high school gym I walked after barely an eighth of a mile. It just wasn't important to me then. It's still not the act of running itself that's important, it the act of pushing myself and taking care of the only body I have. I only get this one shot to take care of this body that takes care of me and I want it to last a long long time.

Yesterday I was rewarded for all the hard work and perseverance I've put forth. At my gym the person who comes to workout the most in each month is crowned "Queen of the Gym". Last night I was give a dozen roses, a certificate for a free one hour massage, 2 free personal training sessions and my name prominently displayed on my very own locker. In the middle of my workout I was taken to the front of the gym, made to wear a tiara and a feather boa while it was announced to the whole place that I was the Queen. My friend, Debi, even brought her camera to take pictures because I think she knew what a big deal it was for me.

Sure, it sounds hokey to some, but it was positive proof that my hard work is paying off. When the gym owner told me I had made it this month I swelled with pride and I proved to myself that I could do it, all it took was a little pushing myself out of my own way.

ReadyMade

2008-12-04T21:47:00.004-06:00

My parents are sort of extravagant with the new fangled technology things they get. My mom got a digital camera when they were fairly new and spent a small fortune. My dad has a thing for these new blue ray players now. I'm still not entirely sure what a blue ray player is besides to play a movie. I have been known to splurge on new technology from time to time, too. I remember my first DVD player, it cost me well over $200. The one in my living room now? DVD/VCR combo that cost maybe $50.

The one item I just cannot justify spending money on right now is a wall mounted plasma television. Boy how I drool when I see them and I just want to sell my first born (and second if need be) to obtain such a non bulky piece of technology. The price is what keeps me far far away from children's black market. (And also maybe the love of my children.)

But, people, guess what. I will be getting a wall mounted plasma television on my very own living room wall any day now! As I said just a few paragraphs ago, the parental unit loves the new fancy technology so they are replacing there barely 3 years old plasma television with a fancier, larger television. I have no idea the size, 40 inches? 36? It's doesn't matter because I love that television. I look forward to seeing it hang on the wall in all it's (FREE!!!) glory.

Here's my dilemma, though. I am getting rid of the television that I currently have which means that the stand that the television sits on must go to. My DVR box, DVD/VCR and tuner will have no home. And since I'm on a budget I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars on a piece of furniture. Since it won't even hold a television it's only requirement is that it must look nice and hold the above items.

As I was searching for a style I liked I found my dream cabinet/used to be a dresser.

This is the before picture.

And after. It's glorious, no?

I realize it's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me. I just love how the old is new again and it's just so lovely. I'm pretty sure I've convinced my dad to help me do this project. I'm on the hunt for a cheap solid wood dresser/buffet to convert into an awesome media cabinet. I love the gorgeous shade of blue and who knows, I might use a similar color. I'm not a dumpster diver, but maybe now would be a good time to start?

These go to eleven*

2008-12-03T20:28:00.004-06:00

My son, Jackson, is very loud. REALLY LOUD. So loud that the caps lock doesn't do him justice. He's found his vocal cords and is intent on breaking them in, mostly when we are at the grocery store or praying before Thanksgiving dinner.

I almost abandoned my grocery cart the other day because he was yelling "RAPES, RAPES!!" as loud as he could. You see, he hasn't gotten down the 'g' sound so grapes turn into rapes and it's all quite embarrassing. Even more so because people within 1,000 feet can clearly hear his every word.

Sure, the people smile and chuckle and give me a knowing look as if to say, "I'm a mom (or dad), I remember. No need to blush". Even so, my face turns a lovely shade of horrified and I pick up the pace a little faster to hurry and get back into the comfort of the car so then at least the talking loudly will be contained somewhat.

Honestly I never really paid much attention to my youngest offspring's exceptionally exceptional lung capacity until a friend pointed it out. I just chalked it up to being a toddler quickly approaching the terrible two's. And now I can't help but notice. Every time I would try and figure out where he got to be so loud I just couldn't think of anything that made any sense. Until I really stopped be ridiculous and knew exactly where he got his pipes from.

My family, well, we are a loud bunch of people. My immediate family is very small but if you could only hear us and not see us you'd think we had 100 people all crammed into a room. We talk loud, we talk over each other, we argue about stupid things, there's always someone farting or burping and always someone (my mother) being horrified (loudly of course) at every get together.

When I was younger I would turn that same shade of horrified when I went out with my family because lordy, do they have to be so loud? Does someone always have to laugh full on belly laughs at a joke and call attention to us? Really, did I have to endure another loud evening? I received a few knowing glaces from other teenagers and younger people in those days. They must have felt my pain. I can only assume that my children will someday be embarrassed at the level of loudness we have.

I have a loud family and a loud kid and now that I'm old enough to get over myself I realize that I, too, am loud. I talk to much and too fast and about things that don't make any sense. I laugh when someone farts at the dinner table and I start the stupid arguments and I think I've even yelled in the grocery store to my oldest son. I often have full on belly laughs complete with throwing my head back and laughing louder than your average human being. And boy do I love it. I wouldn't trade my loud kid or family for the most demure, quite, respectful family on the planet. Bring on the loud, I say.

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*Gold star if you know where this quote came from.

The intention was there

2008-12-01T13:07:00.002-06:00

I wrote this longish post about what I was thankful for last week and I intended on tweaking it and adding to it because it was embarrassingly short considering all the things I am really thankful for and then, well, life got in the way. OK, really having an iPhone got in the way. My brother did something to my phone called "jail breaking" and well now I have a TON more things I can do and I just couldn't stop for a minute to post my latest blog. Lame, I'm aware. But I just can't stop!

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This year for Black Friday I choose to wake up at 8am and instead of shopping for things no one probably even wanted I participated in a "turkey burner" that my gym hosted. One of the instructors (my favorite one) did a 3 hour class that you could do all of or part of. I jumped in at 9:30 and last the rest of the 2 hours. I am still sore from the ass kicking but it was so fun.

Speaking of exercise. I weighed myself the other day and I've gained 4 pounds in a month. WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE. I have only missed 3 days of working out in that month and yes I know, muscle weighs more than fat, but this is so annoying. Yes my jeans fit better and I'm pretty sure I've lost some inches, but it sure would be nice if the scale would reflect this. I go in for my once a month measurements sometime this week and I'm liable to go mental if the inches haven't gone down.

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Tax season starts in about 1 1/2 months and every year I dread it. But this year I don't think I will dread it as much. I'm going to make it a point to find time to exercise and keep up my workout routine as best I can and also make the extra effort to be home in the evenings as much as possible to do mommy things for my boys. As of now there will be one less person working at our office so I'm not exactly sure how that will work but I determined to not lose my life so I can make a few extra dollars. Not that the extra dollars aren't important, but I think I do OK even when I'm not killing myself working all day everyday.

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Tonight I intend on lugging the tree and ornaments from the attic and decking the halls. I'm not quite in the Christmas spirit yet, but my delightfully colorful neighborhood tells me otherwise. I suppose I will also listen to some Christmas music also. My favorite Christmas music is the old vinyl record of Alvin and The Chipmunks, it's a classic and it makes me laugh. I also might open the container of soy eggnog that I got a few weeks ago, I may need to get some rum today, though. Or whatever you put in eggnog.

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Here's to a safe and happy holiday season to everyone. May all your wishes come true and may you and your be safe and happy.

Hello, love

2008-11-24T20:49:00.004-06:00

I never intended to really get one. It just sort of happened. Welcome home you lovely gorgeous fun thing you.

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Here's why I got an iPhone. Basically, it's because I suck at directions. I get lost at the drop of a hat and I know it infuriates people because it infuriates me to no end.

I intended on getting a GPS for my car and I also needed a new cell phone because my contract with Sprint is up and I loathe Sprint and their wonky billing. So, you see, I'm really saving money getting one piece of technology rather than buying two separate items*. Plus, now Derick can have my mp3 player and he'll owe me for being the coolest mom ever so there's always that, too.

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*I'm aware that I probably won't save money in the long run, but that's neither here nor there.

Here ya go, Internet. Bearing my checkbook isn't easy.

2008-11-18T22:33:00.005-06:00

My 30 days of tracking every single penny that goes in and out are finished. And I'm shocked to say the least. As I was adding several columns up, I thought I must have pushed a multiplication button on the calculator or something crazy like that. I was utterly dumbfounded at what I spent over the last 30 days.

I choose to go all old school and hand write everything. For each category I would write the name of the place I spend money at, what I bought, how much I spent and if I used cash or a debit card. I only used a credit card once and I didn't notate that amount because I did note the credit card payment I made on that particular card.

The one real difference this past 30 days has been compared to most of the year is that I was on vacation for 3 weeks. This really had a huge impact, I think, on my spending in certain areas where I'm normally very lean on such things as dining and entertainment. But that leads me to believe that my grocery bill would be less because I ate out more. WRONG. I also drove more this past few weeks than I normally do also which means that fuel was much higher than I expected. I'm just glad that gas prices have dropped some otherwise I really would have been shocked.

I'm not one of those people who's insanely private about my income or expenses so I'm just going to put it all out there. Here's the categories with amounts and income for the last 30 days.

Expenses:

Household: $402.66
I was truly shocked when I got this total. After I examined what the total included I realized that my trip to IKEA and my new bedding for my bedroom makeover are included in this. Normally I would expect this amount to be much less.

Grocery: $356.98
Holy crap. I had no idea. I'm almost embarrassed to say that when I started this I estimated I would spend around $250.00 for the month. Boy was I wrong. In my defense I cook almost every single dinner at home and for 2 of the 4 weeks I was packing Derick's lunch for school.

Charity/Donations: $43.95
This must sound horrible but I don't normally donate this much in monetary ways to charity often. But there were a few people who needed some help and I opened my wallet. Only $4 of this total is actually tax deductible but the good feelings I got from the rest was worth it.

Dining/Entertainment: $260.14
HOLY SHIT. I must sound delusional but I estimated $50 at the start of this project. I rarely eat out. I almost always take my lunch to work and since I cook most nights it's a treat to order a pizza, usually I just make my own pizza. The only time I eat out is when I meet a friend for dinner. I blame this high amount on being on vacation from work. This total does include a trip to the zoo, a night out on the town (which included drinks and parking) and my morning coffee that I've started making at home instead of buying.

Telephone/Cell Phone/Internet: $122.42
This is actually lower than I expected. My cell phone carrier charges me $50 one month and $120 the next for no apparent reason so I lucked out this month and was charged less than $50.

Mortgage: $1363.65
I hesitate putting this number down for all to see because well, it's misleading. Instead of a 30 year traditional mortgage I have a 15 year mortgage and I add additional money to pay down the principal every month. I'm determined to have my house paid off in about 9-10 years even though I have 12 left. This number included all taxes and insurance that are in escrow.

Savings: $250
Part of this includes money that I set aside in my traditional IRA and some includes money that goes straight into a regular savings account. The sad part about this? Every single penny that I saved came back into my checking account because I ran low on money. The money into the IRA stays put at all times which means I'm putting money into regular savings only to pull it back out within the month and take a little more than I put in. It's like this every month. I save some and take even more.

Personal: $368.19
Lord. This is exceptionally higher than I expected, also. I switched gyms this past month and had to pay $54.07 to sign up which I wasn't expecting. This also includes $40 to take a vegan cooking class (I've taken a few of them and really enjoy them). I also got a few pairs of jeans and a jacket during the month. I expect that soon I'll have to spend more money for clothes because my weight is still slowly moving down the scale and I'll need some work clothes soon.

Fuel: $230.73
I guess this isn't too bad. But I had estimated $125 which is way off.

Cable TV: $59.95
I loathe paying this bill, but how would I watch Project Runway and Top Chef without it?

Alarm system monitoring: $22.57
It's a necessary evil. My daddy might beat me if I didn't have an alarm.

Childcare: $350.00
This amount is misleading because I'm fortunate that Eric's parents pay for childcare. But I included the income from them reimbursing me into my total income for the month so it evens out.

Insurance: $345.91
This only includes my health insurance and Derick's health insurance. Self employed health insurance? Sucks. This is also a tad misleading because I'm reimbursed for this also which is reflected in my income total.

Credit Cards: $269
Oh credit cards. How I hate thee. One I paid off so this total is higher than normal.

Gifts: $12.98
I swear I'm not a cheapskate. I got the kids some small stocking stuffers for Christmas.

Kids: $50.91
This includes haircuts, clothing and books for both kiddos. I didn't spend much this month which I'm surprised about.

Total outgoing: $4,566.40 (HOLY CRAP)

Income:

Returns: $47.07
This includes a Target return which is included as an expense above so it cancels itself out.

Income: $4,813.12
This amount includes a myriad of things. Salary, child support, childcare reimbursement, medical expense reimbursement, $1 that I found on the ground at Barnes & Noble (I said I was going to count every single penny, didn't I?), transfers from my savings account and $.41 from the balance of a gift card that the cashier gave back to me in change.

BOTTOM LINE: +246.72

Technically I didn't spend more than I took in. But truthfully I really did. If I hadn't have transferred $250 from my savings account to my checking account I'd be in the hole $3.28.

I'm actually quite pleased that I was so close to my income and not over, by much. But that's because I was afraid I'd be over spending by hundreds of dollars. This exercise has taught me a few things that I need to sit down and put pen to paper to determine how I'm going to arrange my future finances. I need to get back into the habit of meal planning instead of buying out the store and making random dishes for dinner each night. I also need to set a strict budget for a few areas. I'd also like to increase my savings and the amount I put toward my house each month.

After I finish this post and close the computer down for the night I'm going to grab my old school notebook, find a calculator and a pen and make myself a budget based on my findings. It will be a bold grownup move that I'm quite old enough for and quite ready to embark upon.

Even though I'm shocked with what I spend my money on I'm glad that I took the time to track everything. Tell me, have you tracked your money for 30 days? Were you surprised? If you did, did you find that you were more aware of where your money went from then on?

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So, I wrote this on Tuesday night, and as of today (Thursday), I have a new budget in place and I'm ready to take on the world. Tomorrow is payday so I start from scratch tomorrow and I'm going to track the next 30 days again to see what adjustments need to be made. I'm excited and nervous!

Tuesday babble

2008-11-18T12:30:00.003-06:00

A little over 3 months ago I decided to become a vegan. It was an intensely personal, and some may say radical, choice. I stocked my whole kitchen and pantry with new cookbooks, pantry staples and an ever changing assortment of fresh veggies and fruits that make their way to my plate. I also choose to change the diet of my youngest son, Jackson. As for the teenager, Derick, he makes his own choices away from home and that's his right, but at home he eats as a vegan, mostly without complaining. He is a teenager, so I don't really go a day without the complaining.

I've gotten some really interesting reactions to my diet change, some I was expecting and some I would have never even thought I'd get. For the most part the teasing and making jokes is over with. I think everyone has accepted this for what it is, a choice that I made. I try to not be a burden on family and friends with my new diet. I can, for the most part, find something to eat at most restaurants with a few modifications. A few places have zero options which still amazes me. The vegans of the world aren't a HUGE group, but we exist and it sure would be nice to have an option or two everywhere.

I've slipped up a few times, mostly on accident. Over Halloween I did intentionally not read an ingredient label because I was sure it contained some animal derived ingredient. Sure enough, after I ate the candy in question, I kicked myself because it did indeed contain milk. Milk chocolate usually does contain milk. But I didn't beat myself up over it. One tiny piece of milk chocolate wasn't going to matter in the whole scheme of things and my purpose.

Along the way I've read some fascinating books, ate some delicious food and met some really groovy people. I've become more aware of products that are coming into my home and how they affect my life, my kids lives, the animals in the world and my planet.

This diet change is so much more than what passes through my lips. It's about awareness and a positive feeling I get from making a choice everyday to do what is right for me. One of the very few negative comments I've gotten was when someone told me that they thought I was doing this to be morally superior and to feel better than everyone else. What they person failed to understand is that my choice has nothing to do with other people. I don't feel like I'm a better person or morally superior. What I do feel is better. I feel healthier, lighter and overall better. It may be a mental thing, but it works for me.

This will be my first holiday as a vegan and it's going to be interesting. I have no doubts that I won't be tempted to eat the things I once did. But I do worry that people around me will be uncomfortable or feel the need to point out that I'm not eating certain things and make me uncomfortable. In the end though, the holidays aren't about food, they are about being with family and friends and enjoying each other. That I can count on for sure, no matter what food is served.

I look forward to meeting more people and answering questions about what I do and don't choose to eat. I look forward to learning to cook more things that I'm not used to cooking (artichokes scare me!*). I look forward to showing people that being a vegan doesn't mean the end of the world. Mostly, though, I look forward to teaching my children that even if they don't want to be vegans that it's OK to be different and to embrace it. Because it is OK to be different, sometimes it's even kind of fun.

I don't talk much about being a vegan on my blog and I'm not really sure why. It's become a large part of my life in so many ways. Everything from the obvious food choices to the more obscure choices like what eyeliner I buy are all connected. I guess I don't want to be judged or pigeonholed by anyone. But just as I am trying to teach my kids, I need to celebrate being different.

It's what makes the world go 'round, as they say.

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*Anyone wanna tell me the best way to cook an artichoke? Anyone?

United we stand, divided we e-mail.

2008-11-14T15:39:00.005-06:00

Today I got an e-mail that literally made my stomach fall. It had no typed words, just an attached picture for me to download.

I see this sort of stuff all the time, especially recently and this one disturbs me more than any other e-mail "forward" I've gotten in a long time. Why? Because some are equating their new President with the horrific and desperate act of suicide.

I have a (fairly distant) relative who committed suicide not long ago and I can assure you it was not over the President. That seems obvious, right? I just can't let it go that this "headstone" was made by someone who put such little thought into what that bottom word means.

I e-mailed back the person who sent this to me and I like to think I was level headed and to the point without being accusatory or a crazy liberal, but I hope that if you get this e-mail forward and you agree that you will carefully select who you send it to.

If you get this forward and are as disgusted as I am, thank you, I don't feel so alone in my shame of some of my fellow human beings.

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Today has been a trying day for some reason. Jackson has officially welcomed his Terrible Two's into our home. I have asked Terrible Two's to be a nice guest and stay out of the way but it seems that he's just here for a long stay to be an asshole. He probably won't even pick up after himself.

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I need a nap.

Finally, I found love.

2008-11-12T10:42:00.003-06:00

Remember my very recent post about my stove? How someone (Eric) left a plastic bowl on the coil and it melted? Well, I didn't get much into the disdain I have for my stove. It is not fancy by any means, it doesn't even have an oven light for goodness sake! I won't even talk about how it lacks a timer or clock or even self cleaning capabilities. It's literally the cheapest model my home builder could find short of picking one up on the side of the road.

After I posted that blog my mother read it. This is nothing new, she reads my blog often (Hi Momma!) but the thing that makes this time special is that she was in the middle of the ocean on a large cruise ship, surfing the Internet and read my blog. How sweet, right? Well, it turns out that there was a Home Depot gift card sitting at my parent's house because they had returned some of the left over flooring from when I did my massive home improvements. Because my Momma read my blog she sent me a text when she got on dry land and told me to go get a new stove. Sweet Jesus, I literally thought I was going to jump out of my skin.

So, dear readers, I am here to sing the praises of my lovely stove and how if I could, I'd marry it. But I'm sure that's illegal because some people think they need to be in the bedrooms of others unnecessarily.

Behold....the love of my life for the moment:

Excuse the fingerprints smack dab in the middle of the back of the newest addition to my household. I was too excited to notice them until now. These prints belong to the gentleman who installed (read: plugged in) my range. This is the same gentleman who saw me in my pj's and pink fuzzy slippers.

Do you see it? FIVE places for pots! FIVE, PEOPLE!!! The middle spot in the back is a warming burner! It keeps things warm! And the front two burners can be either small or large! And I got a smooth surface cook top instead of burners! (Can I add any more exclamation points!?)

Oh, it's so shiny. Even with my horrible picture taking capabilities. This range has an oven light, self cleaning, a clock AND a timer! I've hit the mother load.

See! Warming zone!

I was extremely fortunate that my brother and sister-in-law came with me to help in the selection process and I was able to get the best deal for my price point. Also, they helped to save me 20% off the list price which makes me even happier. I cook almost every single day, often more than once a day so this new appliance is sure to make life a tad easier and Lord knows I need all the help I can get.

As for the old range, I plan in fixing the coil and donating it to Habitat For Humanity.

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This is not even remotely related but do you guys watch The Biggest Loser? Did you absolutely CHEER when (evil) Vicky's husband was sent packing?

Can I talk about money for a second? Oh, and a makeover.

2008-11-10T09:07:00.006-06:00

I've been tracking my spending, every red cent, for about three weeks now. I'm eleven days from adding up all the columns and falling over dead at the shock. When I decided to track what I spend, I knew I'd be surprised a little, sure, but I had no idea that I might be looking at needing CPR to bring myself back to life.

I've actually been mindful of what I've been spending and careful that I don't go crazy. Hell, I bought the $1.39 container of cooking spray as opposed to the fancy $3.79 container. That counts right? But I think I may have screwed myself this month with eating out which I rarely do. Eating out for me is a treat, it just doesn't happen often. But since I've been on vacation for the last few weeks I've been splurging and eating the yummiest Thai foods and Taco Bell (lots of vegan options!) and pizza.

Oh and I also decided to revamp my boring bedroom. This costs money, sadly. Of all the rooms in my house, including bathrooms, my bedroom has remained untouched since I bought it in 2005. To keep myself in check I gave myself a budget for the entire room. Holy shit people, I'm making budgets left and right! Is it possible I'm becoming a REAL adult?

After purchasing (500 thread count Egyptian Cotton) sheets last night, a bed skirt and satin pillowcases (tacky?) I'm at a grand total of $109.84 and my budget is $500. What remains on my list of things to procure are as follows:

Comforter. I have one picked out at Linens N Things and because that store is closing it's on sale, 20% off but I may wait it out and see if it will be discounted further. That's where I got the sheets from regularly $79.99 and I got them 20% off.
Pillow shams. I want lots of pillows, ones to sleep on and ones that just look pretty. I want a Martha Stewart bed. Minus the Martha Stewart.
Rug. Since I replaced the floor from carpet to wood I'd like an area rug around the bed to warm up the space some. I found one I liked at Target that's on sale through Saturday, but I think I'll hold off because it may not be the perfect rug.
Paint. OK, I know this sounds so tacky but I want to paint the headboard wall gold. I'm sure I can buy gold colored paint. Trust me, in my head it's fabulous.
Chair. My bedroom is quite large and I have room for a seating area. I want something comfy, medium sized and not expensive. Damn the budget.
Small lamp. This is a maybe. I think a small table, lamp and the above chair would make a nice sitting area. But I'm still on the fence about it.
Art. Even though I have art on the walls in my bedroom now, they are too small for the space and need to be moved. Plus, they won't fit in with my color scheme.
Curtains. Curtains are my nemesis. I want drama but I know with drama comes a big price tag. And usually I hang curtains and hate them.
Throw blanket. Momma gets cold at night in the winter and I'd love to have a coordinating blanket as opposed to the army green blanket I have now.

That's a lot for a budget of $500 isn't it? I'm already sweating! I'm up for thrifty ideas if you care to share.

Also, here are some pictures of what I have and what I'm thinking about getting. I'm always leery of sharing my design ideas because what if someone looks at it and thinks it's a sucky idea? I feel the same way about cooking for people, I don't want to be judged. (So much for the grown up feeling.)

The color scheme is a glacier blue, gold, browns and white.

This is the comforter and pillow cases I have my eye one. In person it's a pretty slightly shiny glacier blue. I love the alternating monochromatic stripes in different sheen's. To me, it looks rich. And the comforter is plush and not at all flimsy. I don't want all the bedding to be this color. I want accent pillows in brown and gold and white. The bed skirt will be a crisp white. God, I know it sounds awful doesn't it? But in my head it sounds lovely.

Here are the gold satin pillowcases I got. I think the color combination will be lovely with the whites and browns.

See the top sheet? In white? That's what I got yesterday. The 4Th sheet from the top is the same color as the comforter.

And lastly, here's the rug I'm eyeing. It's way out of proportion, but you can see the idea. It has the shades of the blue and brown. I'm not normally a floral fan but this rug coordinates so well and I actually like the graphic pattern of the mums.

So far I've not even thought much about curtains. But if I paint the back headboard wall a gold color and keep the other walls white I'll probably get gold colored curtains or maybe white. See, I suck at curtains. So, what do you think? Lame? Perfect? I think I have enough colors to make it interesting if done right, but not so many colors that it won't be a restful place.

ETA: Sarah asked to see pictures of my bedroom. So I grabbed my camera, attempted to straighten the bed somewhat so it didn't look like someone was sleeping in the bed and took a few pictures. I'd like to point out that I'm a single mother to a toddler and a teenager and therefore my bedroom is my dumping ground for all things with no home. Feel free to feel bad for me instead of judge me.

Upon entering my bedroom:

That pile you see? I told Derick that I was confiscating all his clothes that he leaves on the floor and I now have a pile as tall at the dresser.
And a random roller skate. I have a todder, remember?

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Also, thanks for the suggestions for my stupid coil on my stove. I have yet to attempt to fix it, but I will soon. But the only reason I'm fixing it now is because I want to sell it for a few bucks. That's right, I got a new stove!!!!!!!! I'm positively giddy! Pictures to follow soon because I know you want to see my new range.

Are you handy? Or maybe you could ask your husband?

2008-11-07T08:38:00.003-06:00

I have a problem. It's a house problem and I honestly don't know how to fix it. I've been dealing with this for months now and I'm so embarrassed to say I've done little to remedy the issue. I thought I could figure out a way to fix it, because I try to be self sufficient as much as possible, but no amount of power tools or shop vacs will help me know.

Months ago I was cooking something on my (electric) stove top and someone (Eric) put a plastic bowl on my still warm burner and I didn't notice it until the bowl had melted over the entire coil.

I removed the coil from the stove and carried it to Home Depot and begged for assistance and they showed me where replacement coils were but apparently my cheap ass home builder left me with the shabbiest oven/stove in the history of appliances and I'd have to special order the coil for over $50.

What's really sucky about this is that it's my biggest burner so I've been cooking on the tiny, itty bitty burners for months. Why my stove only has one large burner and the others are tiny is more proof that my builder sucks and should have karma come bite them in the ass. While they are cooking on their billion dollar 8 large burner stove (covet!!).

So, ladies, can you help me? Can you tell me how to remove burned on plastic from a coil burner so I can just use it again instead of spending money on a new one? Maybe enlist your husband's to answer? Or send one of the over here? I pay in cookies.

Change starts now

2008-11-04T22:31:00.003-06:00

It's 10:31 pm on November 4, 2008. Approximately 30 minutes ago it was declared that Barack Obama is our countries newest President elect. As I heard the news I walked around the living room pumping my fists in the air and felt goose bumps form on my arms. I thought of my Dad, far away on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean , and hoped that he is watching the news while in his state room. I wanted to wake Derick up to tell him the news, to tell him that his new President has been elected. I felt proud to be one of the ones who voted for my new President. I'm waiting anxiously for my new Presidents speech and I just know that he will not disappoint.

The thing I am most proud of right now, though, is John McCain's concession speech. He was gracious and honorable and humble. I got tears in my eyes when he said that Barack Obama was his President now. For some reason it had never occurred to me that the loser to the Presidency would have a President of his own. That must sound ridiculous but I never thought of it that way. McCain was a gracious loser and I respect his decision to call Obama and congratulate him. I admire him for his desire to tell his supporters to project that support to their new President. I've not paid much attention to many concession speech's but I think that was a respectful, mindful and honest speech.

To me, this election was not about black or white, male or female, Republican or Democrat, it was about the best person to fix our broken country not just slap a band aid on it and call it a day. I hope this is the beginning of new things to come and positive changes heading our way.

I hold out hope that my children will live in a more peaceful world and I hope that change starts today.

Kids really are smart

2008-11-02T20:59:00.003-06:00

I was chatting with Derick a few minutes ago and I told him that in 2 days we would have a new president. I'm the most excited about this election than I ever have been. Derick is excited, too. In his school (and most schools in the area it seems) the kids voted for president and it seems that kids these days are really getting into the voting process.

Case in point. Nickelodeon has a special page set up for kids to vote. I think this is way cool. There is information on each candidate and I think this a positive step for kids to see that they do matter, even if they are only one vote. Plus, it seems that kids are smart. They voted for Obama. (There's my one and only plug for who I support.)

If every person who didn't vote because they didn't think their one vote would make a difference would just go out and vote, our country would be completely different, I'm sure of it. Don't be lackadaisical, people. Get out there and vote.

I honestly don't care who you vote for, I just care that you do vote. People who don't vote and have the ability to do so don't get the right to bitch and moan about what happens. Period. So, go vote for real. Let your voice be heard.

After the candy high went away

2008-11-01T13:07:00.005-05:00

We had a great Halloween. Saw some cute kids, told a guys dressed as Darth Vader that he was NOT Jackson's father and ate my weight in Twizzlers. Still sort of in a sugar coma, so pictures will have to replace normal sentences and strung together thoughts.

He's got a tail, people. It was my sole criteria for his costume. Oh, and the ears, too. Pay no attention to the weeds behind him.

See my yard? See how it needs to be edged? My HOA is probably mad at me for being the only house that doesn't have a perfect yard.

Derick wore an old mask that belongs to my dad. Every time Jackson sees it he smiles and says "Silly Garrett" because he can't say Derick yet. Also because I didn't want him to be scared so we laugh at Derick when he wears the mask. Eric is an (aging) hippie. If you know Eric, then you know why this fits him perfectly and made me roll my eyes.

He has some hairy feet and needs his nails trimmed. Also, his stroller is on it's side so I can replace the wheels.

What does any sane person do when their stroller is on it's side? Bite the tires, of course.

Derick had a friend spend the night and this is the aftermath. Apparently people give away sodas in large quantities which I find odd. It's also important to note that they didn't sleep at all last night. Also, it's more important to note that I had no idea they had the entire candy bucket in the room with them. I'm waiting for them to crash hard.

Happy HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-31T11:50:00.005-05:00

It's the time of year again. Time to dress up and beg for candy. This year will be especially fun for me because BOTH my boys are going to trick or treat, although I intend on confiscating most of the candy from both kids and replacing it with good stuff like raisins and a new! toothbrush! I know, I'll be the most hated mother in America.

Happy Halloween everyone, be safe, have fun and see you in November!

P.S. We pretend to eat the pumpkin guts every year and it never gets old. Oh and excuse my attire, I had been working out and well, you know.

3 weeks and a thank you

2008-10-30T09:18:00.003-05:00

Thank you all for your kind words on my last post. It was a tough one to write in that it was hard to post a picture of my not so awesome belly. But you guys totally lifted me up and mad me feel like a million dollars. So, thank you.

I have 3 weeks off of work that started this past Monday. Normally I make a mental list of things I want to accomplish while enjoying my time off. Unfortunately I'm not going anywhere on my vacation so I need to fill up my time.

I'm complied a list of things I'd like to accomplish while getting paid not to be at work. SCORE!

Workout at the very least every other day. (So far this is happening. I'm trying a new gym out for a week to see if I want to switch. I did a turbo kick class Monday night that I can still feel in the depths of my bones.)
Transfer spices from ugly store containers to pretty glass containers that I got at IKEA earlier this week.
Organize and purge the guest bedroom/office closet. (It's my dumping ground for all the random crap that I don't know what to do with. It's an awesome large closet which means it's stuffing potential is excellent.)
Keep up with tracking every single penny I spend. (So far, so good. I am truly amazed that I've already spent over $250 in groceries and it's barely been two weeks since I started writing everything down.)
Start writing down what I eat in a journal. (I have hit a plateau in weight loss and it's probably because I keep eating Swedish Fish (VEGAN!) at every chance I get.
Organize all of Jackson's clothes. (The kid has more clothes than your average fashionista. Speaking of Fashionista, have you guys seen this show? It's annoying and I can't stop watching it.)
Get a stupid lawn edger and edge my stupid yard, already. (My #1 dreaded chore.)
Organize my clothes by color and type. (I used to have a super organized closet, then I get pregnant, then I lost a few pounds, then all hell broke loose. I have clothes in 3 closets and I need to edit and purge and see what is worth hanging onto.
Keep up my running routine. (People! I started running! And I haven't died once!)
Organize pantry.
Take as many naps as humanly possible. (This should really be #1.)